The 4-Word Trick to 説 a 広大な／多数の／重要な Goodbye
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Say goodbye to abrupt 出発s, that ぎこちない am-I-staying-or-going dance, and hovering anxiously (and conspicuously) 近づく the door.
There’s an art to bidding your host adieu, even if you’re slipping out earlier than 推定する／予想するd―and 専門家s say it’s a 技術 that can serve you 井戸／弁護士席 at any 集会, any time of year.
Here’s 正確に／まさに what to say to 配達する a 広大な／多数の／重要な goodbye.
A foolproof 決まり文句／製法
研究員s have a 指名する for ending an interaction: “leave-taking 行為,” which encompasses all the 言葉の and 非，不，無-言葉の ways you signal you’re 説 goodbye. There are two main 構成要素s of any good 出口, says Amy Arias, a 上級の lecturer of communication 熟考する／考慮するs at the University of Nevada, Reno, who 専攻するs in interpersonal communication.
The first is an 出口 声明, also known as a 出発 声明. These are a couple short, to-the-point words that make it （疑いを）晴らす you’re leaving: “長，率いるing out!” Or: “It’s time!”
“It’s important not to over-explain,” Arias says. “You don’t use qualifiers or hedgers, so no phrasing like, ‘Probably time to leave,’ or ‘Probably should get going,’ because then it opens you up to, ‘No, no, no, so-and-so is going to make a toast,’ or, ‘Oh wait, we 港／避難所’t brought out the cake yet.’” There’s no need to 供給する any 推論する／理由 for leaving, like telling your friend you have to relieve the babysitter. If you do, you’re 供給するing an 適切な時期 for them to try 納得させるing you to stay. (“Just 支払う／賃金 your sitter a few extra dollars! They’ll love the money!”) Next thing you know, it’s 45 minutes later and…you’re still there.
Read More: 8 Polite Ways to 拒絶する／低下する a Party 招待
The second part of leave-taking is 表明するing your 感謝 to the host, which calls for another straightforward and succinct two words. Arias usually 選ぶs for: “Amazing party!” Or: “Such fun!”
While you could switch the order of your 出口 声明 and 表現 of 感謝, Arias finds it’s 特に smooth to end with your 評価. “It’s helpful because it takes the 焦点（を合わせる） away from me 出発／死ing, and it moves it 支援する to the host: ‘You did such a wonderful 職業, and this was so delightful,’” she says. “When ordering it that way, it の近くにs the conversation on my leaving.”
As you’re 説 goodbye―“Slipping out! Lovely 集会!”―keep your 非，不，無-言葉の 行為 in mind, too, Arias advises. Smile, nod your 長，率いる, and maybe you put your 手渡すs in the 空気／公表する to 示す there's nothing you can do, it's 簡単に time to go, she says. These 策略 “許す us to 強調する and 補足（する） what we’re 説 口頭で to really 増強する that message.”
If you want to 追加する some levity…
Richie Frieman, a manners and etiquette 専門家, likes to 追加する an extra splash of personality to his 出発s―and humor is his preferred way of doing so. の中で his favorite one-liners: “I’ll be answering for this party at my 8 a.m. workout class tomorrow” and “I’m going to 長，率いる out before I 攻撃する，衝突する the buffet for 一連の会議、交渉／完成する five.”
“Humor breaks the ice of the awkwardness a little bit,” he says. “It’s also a compliment: ‘I ate so much, I loved the cake, that crab 下落する was so good.’ When people have an event or a party, they want to know that the people they 招待するd enjoyed it.”
Frieman has also 設立する that this quip goes over 井戸／弁護士席: “Like my grandfather always said, ‘If you yawn, you're gone.’”
“It’s a funny way of 説, ‘Look, man, I’m tired,’” he says. “It’s a cheeky way to get a smile from the host before you leave.”
Is it ever 承認する to leave without 説 goodbye?
Communication and etiquette 専門家s used to believe that こそこそ動くing out without 説 goodbye was rude. But the tide is turning. These days, Arias says, some people even 陳列する，発揮する signage at their wedding 歓迎会 giving people 許可 to leave whenever, however they’d like. It might read: “When you’re ready to leave, please feel 解放する／自由な to go. The bride and groom are enjoying their party and 高く評価する／（相場などが）上がる you 存在 here.” That can feel 解放するing, she 追加するs, because guests don’t have to worry about 跡をつけるing 負かす／撃墜する the newlyweds and “混乱に陥れる／中断させるing the flow” of the party.
Read More: 9 Things to Say When Someone Asks Why You’re Not Drinking
“There's not a 全世界の／万国共通の yes or no" on whether a quick, unannounced 出発 is 許容できる, "but the 傾向 is 転換ing toward, ‘Yeah, they're 承認する, and いつかs they’re very appropriate,’” Arias says. If you choose to disappear into the night, however, you should always send a follow-up message like a text or, if it’s a professional 集会, an email. Make it 簡潔な／要約する and to-the-point: “I had to run, but the party was amazing. Thank you for 含むing me.” “That way, when the host or hostess comes 支援する to reality after きれいにする up and decompressing, they'll see this lovely message of how much you enjoyed yourself,” she says. “They probably didn’t even notice that you snuck out.”
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There is, however, an important caveat: these 出口s don’t work in every 状況／情勢. You can only pull one off if you’re part of a large （人が）群がる―not one of eight people at a dinner party. “If it’s a small group and you skip out the door, people are going to notice,” Frieman says. “状況 事柄s.” In those 状況／情勢s, just remember that four 魔法 words are all you need, and you’ll be on your merry way.
Wondering what to say in a tricky social 状況／情勢? Email timetotalk@time.com
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