Scar

This is the story of the scar on my neck.

発見

In August of 2000, I was working in Enfield, North London when I had a 48-hour illness. When I 回復するd, I notice that one of my lymph nodes under my chin (which tend to swell up when you are ill) hadn't gone 負かす／撃墜する, and there was a hard bit about the size of a small grape^[0] under my jaw. After a month of waiting for it to recede, I went to see a doctor, who said: "Hmm. 井戸／弁護士席, that いつかs happens when you are ill. Give it some time."

On my return to Oxford in October, where I was 熟考する／考慮するing, I went to see my doctor there. She said: "Hmm. 井戸／弁護士席, that いつかs happens when you are ill. Give it some time." In December, I 説得するd her to 言及する me to a specialist at the 地元の John Radcliffe Infirmary, five minutes 負かす／撃墜する the road from my house, which is a 長，率いる-and-neck centre of excellence. I saw the specialist in January, who said: "Hmm. 井戸／弁護士席, I don't think we're ready to operate yet, and there's not much else we can do." At the return visit in March, they agreed that we'd waited long enough, and that it had to go.

With my final exams coming up in June^[1], I 明白に手配中の，お尋ね者 to get this out of the way. So, I was 調書をとる／予約するd in for an 操作／手術 on the Wednesday before 称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 started. Apart from asking a few people to pray for me, and 説 "Oh, I'm sure it's nothing" a lot, I didn't think too much of it. I checked in to hospital, and was given a bed in the pre-操作／手術区. I met the 顧問, Mr Milford, who was to do my 操作／手術, that evening. The next morning, I was woken up at 6am to be given breakfast. This was, in fact, a rare 高級な - I was 許すd it because I was last on the 操作／手術s 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる）. Everyone else went without.

The day dragged on, and at last the time drew 近づく. I was asked to 除去する my 着せる／賦与するs (with curtain decorously drawn) and got into a paper hospital gown which tied up at the 支援する, and some very fetching white 膝-length embolic stockings^[2]. I was also given green goo to drink, which was supposed to make me sleepy. It didn't have much 影響 - when the trolley arrived to take me away, I jumped の上に it, 原因（となる）ing some raised eyebrows and mutterings about 増加するing the 投薬量. I was under the anaesthetic for about an hour, woke up and was 発射する／解雇するd the next day with three or four stitches in a two-インチ incision in my neck.

After that, I got on with life. 称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 started, and I didn't have much time to sit around worrying. The 可能性 of the lump 存在 cancerous did cross my mind, and I did consider what I'd do if that turned out to be the 事例／患者. I decided that the only thing to do was not to worry^[3], and leave it in the 手渡すs of God.

Diagnosis

Two weeks later, I returned to find out the results of the 生体検査. Somewhere in the 地階 of the Infirmary there are a team of 献身的な professionals whose 職業 it is to 星／主役にする hard 負かす／撃墜する microscopes at thin slivers of whatever has been 除去するd from people that day, and make encouraging or discouraging noises on pieces of red paper. This had duly been done, and the 判決 was 手渡すd 負かす／撃墜する. Mr Milford （機の）カム out, shook me by the 手渡す, and led me into the 協議するing room. As the door の近くにd, a large nurse slipped in behind me and sat in a 議長，司会を務める at the 支援する in a 静かな, yet motherly sort of way, and looked at me with 関心. Uh oh, I thought. That doesn't bode 井戸／弁護士席.

He began talking. "How are you feeling?... Excellent... Results 支援する... somewhat unusual... very rare... やめる予期しない... adenoid cystic carcinoma... carcinoma... yes, I'll 令状 it 負かす／撃墜する... maligant... slow-growing... ざっと目を通すs... 探検の／予備の操作／手術 as soon as possible... no 計画（する）s, I hope?"

The news didn't shock me. I think God had 用意が出来ている me for this moment やめる井戸／弁護士席; I'm not sure what the 顧問 thought as he told me I had 癌^[4] and watched me sit there and take the news with a big grin. I explained about 決勝戦, now in about five weeks. Hmm. After 交渉, we agreed that the 操作／手術 should happen as soon after 決勝戦 as possible, and that I should find out the exact dates and let him know. He 手配中の，お尋ね者 to open up the 味方する of my neck and 除去する enough 構成要素 to get some idea of the spread - then he'd know how to proceed. While he was there, he also 手配中の，お尋ね者 to 除去する my 権利 submandibular salivary （分泌する為の）腺, as this form of 癌 is often rooted in salivary （分泌する為の）腺s, and this one was closest to the 場所／位置.

I cycled home, and sat 負かす／撃墜する for a think. What was I supposed to be doing today? Nothing really important, it would seem. I called my parents, and put together a 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる） of people who I thought I should tell, and how I should tell them. I felt it would be more personal to tell as many people as possible 直面する-to-直面する rather than by email. While I love email, there are some things (bad news, marriage 提案s) for which it's not the ideal form of communication.

It was the OICCU summer barbeque that Sunday. I felt like the angel of Death, moving の中で the happy punters and spreading bad news wherever I went. There was definitely a difference between the way my Christian and 非，不，無-Christian friends took the news. In general, the Christians took it very 井戸／弁護士席 - not getting upset, and 約束ing to pray for me. Unfortunately, this meant that I became progressively いっそう少なく tactful about telling people as time went on, and at the very end, I 基本的に called my cousin (who isn't a Christian) and said "Hi, how are you? By the way, I've got 癌" and she burst into 涙／ほころびs. Oops.

During the next few weeks, through large 量s of 祈り, I was able to 焦点（を合わせる） on my work and not get distracted by evil thoughts of metastatis. Every so often, I'd have to go to one of Oxford's four hospitals for a ざっと目を通す - an MRI ざっと目を通す of my 長，率いる and neck, a CT ざっと目を通す of my chest, and a 罰金-needle aspiration 実験（する）^[5] of a lump on my 脚 which 原因（となる）d 関心. I 故意に wasn't given the results of these 実験（する）s - I really didn't want to know until the last minute. Some of my friends organised a 祈り会合, and I was incredibly touched to be 現在のd with a 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる） of 30 email 演説（する）／住所s, all of people who 手配中の，お尋ね者 updates on how I was doing.

操作／手術

Tuesday arrived - the day of my final Final, as it were. I started at 11.30am in my college. It was my worst paper of the seven I did - but this might have had いっそう少なく to do with thoughts of the 操作／手術, and more to do with pretending 決勝戦 had finished, and going out to celebrate with friends at the 週末 instead of 改訂するing. At 2.30pm, I finished and the invigilator 護衛するd me, in 十分な academic dress, up to the Radcliffe Infirmary at the other end of town.^[6]

I arrived at the 区 and checked in. The pre-操作／手術区 was mostly empty - which was good, because a large number of my friends started arriving from 4pm for a 地位，任命する-決勝戦 party.^[7] It was 広大な／多数の／重要な - I was really touched by how many of my friends （機の）カム. It certainly took my mind off the 操作／手術 to come. My parents were there also - on their way 負かす／撃墜する south for some 推論する／理由. We left the party for a while to go and find out the results of all those ざっと目を通すs. When they saw us returning, the party fell silent - you could 削減（する） the atmosphere with a scalpel.

It turned out that the 実験（する） results were very encouraging - the FNA^[8] was （疑いを）晴らす, and the CT was almost （疑いを）晴らす - just one tiny nodule in the base of my left 肺 to make sure that I didn't think I was out of the metastasis 支持を得ようと努めるd yet. The MRI of my 長，率いる and neck was also excellent - no trace of 癌（悪事，秘密などを）発見するd. So, what remained was either smaller than the 2mm 決意／決議 of the ざっと目を通す, or had gone 完全に.

This was excellent news, but they still 手配中の，お尋ね者 to do the 操作／手術 as 初めは planned.

This time 一連の会議、交渉／完成する, I was 早期に on the 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる） - 明らかに Mr Milford was away in the afternoon. Rogan Corbridge, his registrar, was going to be the man 現実に持つ／拘留するing the knife. It all seemed so familiar - as if I'd been operated on hundreds of times before, rather than once. After the now-usual gown, stockings and green goo, I waited for the trolley to come for me. ("Bring out yer sick!") A quick trip upstairs, the 伝統的な count to ten, and the next thing I knew, I was 星／主役にするing at the 天井 of the 地位，任命する-操作／手術区.

My friends Philippa and Brad (a lovely, soon-to-be-married couple) were there as I （機の）カム一連の会議、交渉／完成する. I waved weakly before 二塁打ing up and retching violently. Nurses （機の）カム running and curtains were 速く drawn - I was faintly aware that those 減少（する）s of 血 on the nice white sheet must be coming from me somewhere. I was coughing so hard I was bleeding through my stitches. Ick. It turned out that I had 反応するd 不正に to the anaesthetic. "Didn't you tell the anaesthetist this happened last time?" said a nurse. Last time? I don't remember last time. "Ah."

As the day wore on, I felt better. I had so many 訪問者s, it was a real blessing. I must have had over thirty people come to see me on the Thursday, and my （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する was soon piled high with flowers, chocolates and jerberas^[9] (thanks, Gayle.) One of the nurses even asked how on earth I managed to get all the pretty girls! "Christian fellowship" I replied - which sounds sanctimonious, but is true. I sent some chocolates on to the poor 専門家技術者s in the 地階, who had half my neck to look at in little slivers under their microscopes. It must have taken one guy all day - by the end, he was probably muttering "If I ever 会合，会う the man with that デオキシリボ核酸..."

You might want to skip this paragraph if you are a bit squeamish. They had put a tube into my neck, 大（公）使館員d to a vacuum drainage 瓶／封じ込める, to 除去する any fluid which might build up in the gap that they had left. When I （機の）カム一連の会議、交渉／完成する, I noticed that it was working - the 瓶／封じ込める was slowly filling up. However, over the next forty-eight hours, it continued to fill. They changed it. I filled another one. They changed that too. I was feeling better, but I had a feeling that something wasn't やめる権利 here.

危機

Late on Friday, I got up to speak to the guy in the next bed and nearly fainted. Looking at my 公式文書，認めるs later, it seemed that I had lost 2 litres (4 pints) of fluid, mostly 血. The nurses decided enough was enough, and that something must be done. And when they decide something, they really move 急速な／放蕩な. Within a minute I had my feet in the 空気／公表する, an oxygen mask over my mouth, and one doctor was taking 血 from my left arm while another was starting a drip in my 権利. One more was on the phone checking my 血 type and 召喚するing four pints of Oxford's best A+ from the John Radcliffe Hospital, on the other 味方する of the city.

They started giving me a 血本体，大部分／ばら積みのing スパイ／執行官 - a （疑いを）晴らす goo which has all the 質s of 血 except for an unfortunate 無（不）能 to carry oxygen. A litre of this raised my 血圧力, but diluted my red 血独房s, so I turned a lovely shade of yellow all over. A 測定 of my red 血独房 level (haemoglobin count) （機の）カム out as 8^[A], and 落ちるing - 12 is normal, and 4 is 批判的に ill.

The 血 arrived in a taxi - 明らかに that's the most cost-効果的な way of moving it about - and the doctor got to work. Unfortunately, it was straight out of the fridge, and all the 血 warmers were locked in theatre^[B]. So the doctor was squeezing the 血捕らえる、獲得する, trying to get it to go in faster, and I was gripping my 権利 wrist with my left, 叫び声をあげるing "冷淡な! It's so cooold! Have mercy!" She felt so sorry for me that she put the second 捕らえる、獲得する under her armpit to try and warm it up.

One of the nurses happened to go to my church, so she called Tony, the student 牧師 and a friend of 地雷, who kindly （機の）カム一連の会議、交渉／完成する at very short notice. In a なぎ, we talked for a while and he read Psalm 23. As I listened, I understood again just how much God cared about me, and I started crying.

結局, the 組み立てる／集結するd 団体／死体 of 医療の knowledge decided it was 安全な to operate, and I 調印するd the "Yes, please, save my life, if it's not too much trouble" form before 存在 wheeled up to the theatre for another three-hour マラソン. The anaesthetist ran out of fingers counting the different anti-vomiting 麻薬s she was giving me. Paul, the nice oriental 外科医-on-call, opened my neck up again along all the same lines and spent three hours taking a tiny heat gun to all the 位置／汚点／見つけ出すs where it was bleeding. "Yeah, I was 解除するing up your shoulder muscle and looking underneath for 漏れるs." 元気づけるs, mate. Too much （警察などへの）密告，告訴（状）, perhaps.

I woke up the next morning feeling a lot better, but now with _two_ drainage tubes in my neck. From this point, I didn't lose more than an eggcupful - whatever Paul had done, it had certainly worked.

回復

This all meant that my stay in hospital was somewhat 長引かせるd. Sadly, I 行方不明になるd all the end-of-称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 parties and dinners. I was 特に sad to 行方不明になる the Maths and Computation leavers' dinner at my college, but I wrote a speech which I hoped 法案 (my 教える) would read out. It didn't やめる go によれば計画（する）; the dinner was also a goodbye to one of the 教えるs, and there were about 250 people there, who had all been his pupils at one point or another. My somewhat gruesomely humorous speech, which would have been perfect after a dinner for thirty undergrads, probably wasn't やめる appropriate for such an occasion. Unfortunately, 法案 decided to try and edit it on the 飛行機で行く, and 明らかに ended up making me sound like I was still delirious from the 医薬.

法案 was wonderful, though. 初めは, it looked like I was going to go 支援する to living in the college 別館, 10 minutes cycle ride from the centre, where I had lived before the op. However, 法案辞退するd to take No for an answer from the 国内の Bursar (the person in 告発（する），告訴（する）／料金 of such things), and he and Philippa got me one of the nicest rooms on the College main 場所／位置, within 平易な reach of the kitchen. So, I happily passed two weeks living in style, 存在 visited and pampered by everyone, and only getting 失望させるd when my arm got so tired I couldn't 持つ／拘留する a mouse.

I was late for the 任命 to 除去する my stitches and, having run across Oxford to get there, felt like my arm was about to 落ちる off. They let me take all 36 of them them away in a little plastic tube. Two weeks later, the 決勝戦 results arrived - にもかかわらず all that had happened, I had been awarded a First.

The next day, my parents arrived to cart away me and four years of 蓄積するd junk. Just before we left, we went 一連の会議、交渉／完成する to the RI for the 生体検査 results. If the results were good, I was 予定 to go off to America to work in Silicon Valley for three months. If they were bad, I'd be staying in England for horrible 放射線療法. Time to pray.

Mr Milford broke the good news - they had failed to find a trace of the 癌 in any of the 56 lymph nodes and one salivary （分泌する為の）腺 that they'd taken out - and so the chances were excellent that they'd beaten it, and there was certainly no need for 放射線療法 at this 行う／開催する／段階. 賞賛する the Lord! America was on, and I went home happy.

Nine months on, I have a very obvious scar (井戸／弁護士席, parts of it were sliced open three times) and a 非，不，無-working 権利 upper trapezius^[C] muscle (they must have 損失d the 神経), but am さもなければ in 広大な／多数の／重要な形態／調整. The point of this entire account is to 支払う／賃金尊敬の印 to Him who 支えるd me throughout the entire episode, and without whom I would have fallen apart - Jesus Christ. He helped me to 焦点（を合わせる） on, and do so 井戸／弁護士席 in my exams, and kept me from 恐れる - just as He 約束s He will:

Lo, though I walk through the valley of the 影をつくる／尾行する of death, I will 恐れる no evil.
For you are with me - your 棒 and your staff, they 慰安 me." (Psalm 23)

He died for my sins and yours, rose from the dead, and 統治するs today. I 勧める you to read more about the 証拠 for these （人命などを）奪う，主張するs.

Gervase Markham, 24th March 2002

[0] John Diamond, author of C, says that doctors always use fruit (grape, orange, grapefruit) when they don't know what's going on, and balls (ゴルフ ball, cricket ball, tennis ball) when they do. Now that's food for sport. (Groan) [支援する]
[1] The system at most English universities is that what sort of degree you get, and whether you get one at all, is decided in a big 始める，決める of exams, known as 決勝戦 or Schools at Oxford, at the end of your last year. [支援する]
[2] This spectacle 利用できる for a small 料金 at parties, weddings and village 祝日，祝うs. [支援する]
[3] Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34. [支援する]
[4] Although he didn't use the C word for at least ten minutes. [支援する]
[5] A smart 指名する for "stick a needle in, suck some stuff out, and look at it." [支援する]
[6] Because students are theoretically 許すd to turn up for 決勝戦 up to half an hour late, I could not be permitted to talk to anyone until 3pm - in 事例／患者, 推定では, I 明らかにする／漏らすd all the questions to a breathless student at 2.35pm, who whipped his folder out of his rucksack, memorised model answers to the questions, and arrived breathless at the exam hall at 2.59pm, to 得点する／非難する／２０ a 勝利を得た First in the remaining 2 1/2 hours of exam time. [支援する]
[7] Most people just go to the pub; it's nice to be different. [支援する]
[8] It gives 患者s a sense of belonging and 支配（する）／統制する of their illness if they are able to understand and use the technical 条件 associated with it. Or so I'm told. [支援する]
[9] No, they aren't a ヒース／荒れ地危険 in hospitals. It's a flower. [支援する]
[A]I 嘆き悲しむ the fact that I don't know the 部隊s of 測定 here. But the 劇の影響 is there. (A? As a scientist, I do footnote indices in hexadecimal.) [支援する]
[B] Telling this story to a group of Americans 完全に混乱させるd them at this point. To 明らかにする: not theatre as in Broadway, theatre as in Operating Theatre - O.R., in American speak. [支援する]
[C] shoulder. If you rub the 最高の，を越すs of both my shoulders^[D], you'll find the 権利 is more bony than the left - the muscle, unstimulated, has wasted away. This doesn't make much of a difference day-to-day - it just 除去するs "weightlifter" as a possible career. As the scar has 除去するd "secret スパイ／執行官", "model" and "actor", I'm beginning to worry about my 選択s 存在限られた／立憲的な. [支援する]
[D] Ask first, please. [支援する]