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肩書を与える:  The Colognizing Of Kansas
Author: Rex Beach
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eBook No.: 2000581h.html
Language: English
Date first 地位，任命するd:  June 2020
Most 最近の update: June 2020

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The Colognizing Of Kansas

by
Rex Beach

Illustrated From 製図／抽選s By ツバメ 司法（官）

It seems like there ain’t but one way to （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域 a faro game,” said Kink, “and that’s with an ax. I’ve tried them all, and I never had no success but the oncet.”

“Did you ever break the bank?” I 問い合わせd.

“I did; with a stick of dynamite.”

We were putting the final touches to the last clean-up, blowing and 重さを計るing the gold; Kink 乾燥した，日照りのing the wet dust and 除去するing the 黒人／ボイコット sand by blowing it in a scoop, while I …に出席するd to the 規模s. Mrs. ツバメ had gone to town for the mail, so we had 十分な chance to adventure whither we chose, and our fancies led us idly into the past.

“The play come up like this,” he continued. “I crow-hops into Tularos one day, spurnin’ all things sordid and trivial, for I have four hundred dollars of the realm, eight months of かわき, and a spiritual 真心 for emotion and 刺激. I am that drawed and haggard with onwee that the bartender 発言／述べるs it.

“‘What’s doin’ in the way of episodes and distractions of mind in this （軍の）野営地，陣営?’ says I.

“‘Nothin’,’ says he, ‘except faro and roulette and stud poker.’

“‘Them 装置s is pueryle and 不十分な. I want something vigorous and man’s-size, something to turn my 肝臓 over. I’ve been dead eight months. Ain’t you got no opery house or lynchin’s or rag-time or 反目，不和s?’

“‘No,’ says he. ‘This here （軍の）野営地，陣営 is sure a sylvan 避難 for the jaded. There ain’t even been a sheep-herder or a chink 大虐殺d since old man Stubbs had the treemors, and now that he’s took the cure, the 未来 looks dark and unengaging. There’s nothin’ but them mercenary gamblin’ games.’

“I nosed around for an hour, but I never see such a stupefied （軍の）野営地，陣営, and, bein’ that bulged out with hunger for 緊急s, I am 軍隊d agin the green cloth to save my mental balance.

“‘What’s the 限界 to this snare?’ I asks of the 無効の in the operating 議長，司会を務める, having 設立する the lay-out.

“‘A dollar,’ says he.

“‘Bein’ twenty-eight years old, with much of my life’s work still undone, I ain’t got time to dribble along that-a-way,’ says I. ‘I ーするつもりである to 別館 your bank-roll quick, and spend it before the coin goes out of date or the pictures is wore off of the 法案s, so if you’ve got a hundred hid out anywhere, I’ll roll you for it, all in a lump.’

“He gropes into the drawer, listless and feeble, but collects a hundred up into a pile and 取引，協定s the cards. I lose, the first turn. He’s settin’ sideways in his 議長，司会を務める and don’t even onfurl his 脚s.

“‘This fluke only serves to 延期する the evil day fer you,’ says I. ‘Turn them fer another hundred.’ Again I lose.

“‘I had figgered on cleanin’ you up, hittin’ you a belt with the surcingle, and lettin’ you go before this, but I don’t begretch the waste of time. You 目的（とする） to help me get some enthusiasms out of life, don’t you? I 高く評価する／（相場などが）上がる your 協調. Now, I got you. Let her go.’

“I 巡査s the 弾丸 and lets the filly run open, for a hundred each. He 押し進めるs out the 最高の，を越す card, and the next two lays queen, エース. He drags in the hard-earned 貯金 of my last four months without a symptom of joy in his 注目する，もくろむ, then, when I 始める，決めるs 支援する my 議長，司会を務める, he yawns and says :

“‘If you happen into anything that will 破産した／（警察が）手入れする this monotony, lemme know. I’m ’most dead.’

“自然に, I am some 麻ひさせるd at havin’ my 予期s 苦境に陥る 負かす／撃墜する this-a-way inside of three minutes. Yes, I am left at the 地位，任命する, and bein’ young, I am 傾向がある to 怒り／怒る. I frisks myself for loose change wherewith to continue the 大虐殺, while my 侮辱／冷遇s rise up in my nose, but I am disappointed. I am let out 完全にする, thinks I, till I find a 孤独な twenty-dollar gold piece in my vest pocket as I goes out the door. I turns around.

“‘Here! You overlooked this one,’ says I, and I throws it at him as hard as I can. Then I 引き上げ（る）s out to the 鉄道／強行採決する 跡をつける and 始める，決めるs on a 手渡す-car inventin’ synonyms fer the worst words I knowed. Talk about blues, I am the human wiggle-stick.

‘It’s along about dark when I exhaust all the bad 指名するs in three languages and 解任する  the fact that I ain’t et 非，不，無 sence mornin’ I goes 支援する to the gamblin’ room and を締めるs Mr. 売買業者.

“I’m as holler as a gun-妨げる／法廷，弁護士業’l,’ says I. He 手渡すs out a dollar, looking sour and grouchy, without even the compliments of the season. The 気が進まない way he does it 感情を害する／違反するs me, but I swallers my pride for an appetizer and ambles into a grocery across the way to buy an ontree of crackers and cheese; also a salad course of baloony sausage. After I’d 代用品，人d my own for the baloony 肌, I feel better. Havin’ had the feast of 推論する／理由, I crave the flow of soul. I hunger for the poets, so I eat a 続けざまに猛撃する of French mixed candies with 詩（を作る）s on ’em.

“‘Are you the sport that lost the four hundred this afternoon?’ asks the grocery-creature, 十分な of pryin’ わいせつs.

“‘No, sir; I am the isospondylous, malacopterygian sucker who done so. Why?’

“‘井戸／弁護士席, nothin’, only that’s a を締める game.’

“‘A を締める?’ says I.

“‘Sure, it’s a phony box.’

“‘Um-m!’ says I. ‘I might ‘a’ knowed it from the way that tin-horn parted with this supper money. No square sport will begretch a grub-火刑／賭ける to his 犠牲者s. I begin to 恐れる that my system ain’t had its fill of excitations as yet, 非，不，無 whatever. I am goin’ to squander that money over again, and I 約束 to enjoy it more the next time.’

“‘What do you mean?’

‘“Um-m!’ says I.

“While I am lookin’ about the 蓄える／店, I 秘かに調査するs some pea-soup sticks. Ever see ’em? They are 分裂（する） peas ground up like sawdust and wrapped in greased paper; about eight インチs long by an インチ in 直径. They look jest like ca’tridges of 巨大（な）-砕く, same size, same color and everything. They’re mighty handy to pack on a trip. All you do is break off a piece and boil it up. I’ve et cords and oceans of it. I have twenty cents left, and I buy one soup ca’tridge, also about four インチs of fuse.

‘“What time does Number Ten, the east-bound accommodation pull out?’ I 問い合わせs of the man as I leaves.

“‘Ten o’clock,’ says he.

“‘Um-m!’ says I.

“At nine forty-five I 殺到s into the gamblin’ 共同の, which is filled like a spade 紅潮／摘発する. My hair is mussed up, my collar open, and my 注目する，もくろむs sort of riled and locoed. I stand around for a few minutes actin’ queer, twitchin’ my muscles and lickin’ my lips, nervous, till I see that the whole room has spotted my dishybilly, then I 辛勝する／優位s over to the 星雲 at the faro （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する where my dyspeptic crook is takin’ good money away from some punchers.

‘“Gimme a light,’ says I to one of ’em, and when I have it, I continues to the 売買業者:

“‘Do you still hunger fer excitement?’

“‘I smacks my lips over it,’ says he, and his 注目する，もくろむ is on me, 冷淡な as a rattler, while he slips his 手渡す into the gun drawer.

“‘井戸／弁護士席, here it is,’ I yells, yankin’ out the roll of pea-soup with the fuse hangin’ to it. I touches it off with the blazin’ match, and it begins to sizzle.

“‘We’ll all go up in a bunch,’ I 叫び声をあげるs, in the トンs of a 破産した／（警察が）手入れするd 強く引っ張る whistle, givin’ a laugh like the ravin’s of John McCullough, that I heard in a phonygraph once.

“However, the 劇の polish of them merriments goes unheeded, because the （人が）群がる is moved by one uncommon impulse, and the sound of their hoofs is like the roar of 雷鳴.

“Noise 破産した／（警察が）手入れするd out of them cow-men like they’d blowed off a cylinder-長，率いる. They didn’t holler, but horrid discord just pizened the 空気／公表する.

“In a gun fight, a man can hide 支援する of the 妨げる／法廷，弁護士業 or はう under the stove or into the neck of a beer 瓶／封じ込める, if he’s 脅すd enough, but sech 保護の stratagems is wholly vain agin dynamite.

“It appeared like everybody got a fair, honest start, because they all run a dead heat to the door, where they met and wedged, then clawed their way out into the night and far away.

“As for the 売買業者, a 冷淡な draught fanned my artificially fevered brow from the window through which he had 出発／死d. He ran plum out of town, wearin’ the window-sash for a necktie. Not a soul was left to tell the tale.

“I scooped off the bank roll and stepped to the 支援する door. There was かなりの 通貨 lyin’ on the crap （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する, and silver glittered on the wheel, but I passed them by. It was not fer me. I had 破産した／（警察が）手入れするd the bank and was content. For all I knew, the other games was on the square, and 地雷 was only a 使節団 of vengeance.

“Five minutes later I climbed into a 味方する-door Pullman on Number Ten, just as she pulled out from the water-戦車／タンク.

“Long about daylight, a brakey collected two dollars from me. You see, it’s a custom out there for to 告発（する），告訴（する）／料金 the 一面に覆う／毛布-stiffs a 正規の／正選手 関税.

“What’s a 一面に覆う／毛布-stiff? Why, he’s a half hobo that travels with his beddin’ and is ‘ristocratic in his predilections for box-cars instead of riding a ブレーキ-beam. Likewise, he cavils at the blind baggage.

“井戸／弁護士席, I’m jest gettin’ 直す／買収する，八百長をするd to count my money, when we pull into a 味方するing in the foot-hills and stop. I hear a 発言する／表明する outside. “‘Whoa, Balaam!’

 “I see the 長，率いる of a burro lookin’ in the car door, inquirin’ and sleepy. Somehow, I allus want to laugh when I look a burro in the 直面する, he’s that simple and unassumin’ and ‘Have-you-used-Pear’s-soap?’ lookin’, but I don’t do it, because I know he’s got me sized up, proper, and has divined all my 証拠不十分s and secret faults and is 非難するing me from my number twelve feet to my number six hat.

“This one is carryin’ a pack, and there’s a man with him. The feller yanks off the pack-saddle, throws it in the car, then hists Mr. Balaam in and clambers 船内に himself. When I get a square look at him, I reco’nize my old friend Mojave マイク Butters, the foot-racer. He’s sure a baleful and horrible sight, all poverty-stricken and destitute, but I don’t say nothin’, just hitch 支援する into the gloom and snore, while he puts his 一面に覆う／毛布s in the other end of the car, leads the animal over, and 始める，決めるs 負かす／撃墜する. I’m holdin’ out on him a-目的.

“We’re in a big, empty furniture car with both 味方する and end doors. Excelsior is all over the 床に打ち倒す, which 証明するs a godsend to Balaam, for he thinks he’s struck some 肉親，親類d of blond bunchgrass.

“By and by the brakeman comes projectin’ through and sees マイク in his corner, with the jack gorging himself all contented and pastural.

“‘How far you goin’?’ says he.

“‘End of the 分割,’ マイク answers.

“‘Two dollars apiece!’ says he. ‘We 告発（する），告訴（する）／料金 十分な fare for mules.’

“‘Two dollars apiece!’ says Mojave. ‘I don’t like your 分類s, for Balaam ain’t a mule, nor I ain’t a burro.’

“‘All 権利, call him a mockin’-bird, only give me four dollars.’

“‘I ain’t got it.’

‘“What! 井戸／弁護士席, get out of this car. G’病弱な, now, before I throw you out. What you mean anyhow, crawlin’ in here broke?’

“Mr. Brakeman is some wrathy, but マイク don’t move only to reach out an’ get Balaam by the halter. The brute is still eatin’ succulent bunches of excelsior, dreamy and amiable, while peace and friendship look out of his brown 注目する，もくろむs, and his tail swishes with content. All is 日光 for Balaam.

“‘Out you go, you 非難するd hobo,’ says the 鉄道／強行採決する man, makin’ for マイク.

“‘Look out! There ain’t goin’ to be doors enough in this car for you,’ says マイク; and givin’ Balaam’s halter a 新たな展開, he says, ‘H’ist, Boy!’

“Balaam h’isted. He throwed 負かす／撃墜する his mouse-colored 長，率いる, and the whole 支援する end of him come loose. He sure 厳しいd his 関係s and 削減（する） his home 関係. His little hoofs 攻撃する，衝突する the brakeman in the stummick so that the breath come out of him with a ‘Whoof!’ like the squawk of an automobile horn. The gentleman riz up, laid both 手渡すs upon Balaam’s 跡をつけるs, and sat 負かす／撃墜する hard in the other corner, then 二塁打d up like he had only one 共同の in his 支援する, wrapped his 武器 around himself three times, and began to kick like a 女／おっせかい屋 with its 長，率いる 削減（する） off, while he made little gasping noises like 勝利，勝つd leakin’ into an old pump.

“マイク scratched Balaam, and the little feller waggled his ears sagacious, winkin’ at me, 一方／合間 chewin’ the juice out of another （製品，工事材料の）一回分 of shavin’s that growed 近づく by.

“‘You sound like you was 熟した enough to 選ぶ,’ said マイク to the railroader. ‘I don’t like ’em when they go “pank.”’

“It seemed like the man couldn’t reach no 友好的な 解決／入植地 with his breath, whatever, and it was ten minutes before he’d arranged a 満足な workin’ basis with it. Then he はうd out, hiccoughin’ cuss words and 脅しs all hashed up like a beef stew. In mebbe half an hour he come 支援する with his pardner, but マイク was intrenched behind Balaam. The men had sticks and tried to 嵐／襲撃する him, but that donkey’s buttress was plumb impregnable. Compared to him, Port Arthur was as 平易な of 接近 as a political meetin’, and Gibraltar had 調印するs of ‘Welcome’ all over it. I never see no real kickin’ before nor since. The 空気／公表する growed congested and 厚い with it, and there was enough hoof in the atmosphere at any minute to run a glue factory for a year. マイク was actin’ gunner’s mate, findin’ the 範囲s and aimin’ him like a pivot gun, while the little feller hitch-kicked, 減少（する）-kicked, place-kicked, punted, and kicked goal from the field. He kicked the sticks out of their 手渡すs, he kicked the taste out of their mouths, and if マイク had let him go, he’d have kicked them so high they’d have 餓死するd before they lit. He kicked them together into a pile, kicked them out the end door, and 再開するd his browsin’.

“‘How’s foot-racin’, マイク?’ says I, crawlin’ 前へ／外へ from my 退却／保養地.

“‘Why, hello!’ says he, shaking 手渡すs. ‘I’ve just been run out of a little town up here without my hat. Me and Balaam is goin’ East. If you’re broke, too, I’ll let you ride on my ticket — he’s good fer a carload.’

“‘We are quitting the West ourselves,’ says I, tappin’ my wish-bone with dignity, for I feels the bank roll agin my ribs and am filled with figgers of speech.

“‘We,”’ repeats マイク, inquisitive and 怪しげな. ‘You say “we” like you had money. I seen it in a 調書をとる／予約する oncet that only three people is licensed to say “we,” — kings, editors, and men with tapeworms. I 追加する to it a man with 広大な／多数の／重要な wealth. Which one of the four are you? Do you mean to say you’ve got money on your disreppitable person and stood by while me and Balaam worked our passage?’

“For repartee, I showed a roll the size of a 着せる／賦与するs-捕らえる、獲得する and told my story. We counted the money, and it totaled five hundred and twenty dollars, to a cent: my 初めの 火刑／賭ける and the gambler’s hundred dollars which I would have won from him if I hadn’t been cheated.

“‘This here is our 適切な時期 to forsake the old life and acquire honesties. We’ll go into 商売／仕事,’ says Mojave, declarin’ himself in on the 取引，協定 即座の. ‘I was 削減（する） out for them 追跡s natural. I got the ability.’

‘“Does it take that much of a stack to 始める，決める in on this 商業の 投機・賭ける,’ I 問い合わせs. ‘I ben aimin’ to assuage this 飢饉 fer fun that I’m bloated with.’

‘“It ain’t noways 必須の,’ マイク 収容する／認めるs, ‘and I’m かなりの leery of over-capitalization, myself. S’提起する／ポーズをとる we lay by two hundred dollars fer 商売／仕事 an’ spend the 残り／休憩（する） in wassail, thus avoidin’ watered 在庫／株 and sech 危険，危なくするs. I’ve got a 計画／陰謀 where that’s all we need.’

‘“As long as it’s honest, it gets my play,’ says I; ‘but understand, I ain’t goin’ to corner 非，不，無 of the 広大な／多数の／重要な necessities of life with this money, nor squeeze the widders and 孤児s.’

‘“No, it’s 簡単に the introduction of western 方式s and civilization into the ジャングルs of the decayin’ East. We’ll open up in Kansas.’

“Thereupon he gave me the blue print of a 計画（する） that assayed eighteen dollars to the ounce, bein’ a total 残り／休憩（する） from cow-punchin’.

“井戸／弁護士席, it’s some three weeks later that the Butters-ツバメ Mastodon Minstrels 破産した／（警察が）手入れするs into Kansas and lays waste with delight every hamlet it plays. It costs nary a cent to see it, which same 控訴，上告s to 農業者s of all 階級s. マイク is lit up like a Dewey arch, a thousand candles strong, with a long, fur-trimmed overcoat, pointed yaller shoes, tan gaiters, and a pearl-gray felt hat. For a theatrical 構成, he has Henry Irving run under the bed.

“I am Papriky Carramba, the Arizona 強盗. You see, I am some 黒人／ボイコット, anyhow, so I encase myself in a greaser habit of speech, a bewhiskered buckskin 控訴, and am a dangerous desperado.

“Here’s the program. We open with a quartette by the niggers. Oh, yes! I 近づく forgot the niggers. We have four Senegambians from Topeka that sing from all points of the compass to a ありふれた 中心. One of ’em plays ‘Turkey in the Straw’ on the banjo, while the others dance. They cost us fourteen a week.

“井戸／弁護士席, after the music, the Mexikin desperado gives 展示s of throwing the bowie and ピストル practice, after which we have more music, and マイク does ‘marvelous, mystifyin’ feats of sleight of 手渡す, too bafflin’ for the mind, and too 早い for the 注目する，もくろむ.’ Then we have some buck an’ wingin’ by the African team, after which マイク 演説（する）／住所s the pacified and radiant hay-diggers as follows:

‘“No 疑問, ladies and gents, you have been delighted by our 教育の entertainment, but to give fleetin’ 楽しみ ain’t our only 使節団. We have a higher 動機. It is a blessed 特権 to make the arduous path more pleasant, and we are here to conduce to them scenic 影響s by abating the nuisances of life. One man may like music, and his neighbor prefer the screech of a sled-走者 on 明らかにする ground. This one may have a 甘い tooth, while his friend’s is holler, and the 神経 exposed; but, dear friends, all the world loves a 甘い smell.

“‘We admire the jessamine and would fain 保存する the fragrance of the rose. Let us have done with the sordid scents of the stable and 輸入するd cheese and tickle our tonsils with the breath of forest flowers. That, ladies and gents, is our sacred errant amongst you. We are the distributin’ スパイ／執行官s of the Kansas Cologne Company, 制限のない. Remember, we have nothin’ to sell, we only advertise the perfumery so that you can buy direct from your 地元の druggists. We 簡単に 告発（する），告訴（する）／料金 a 名目上の price to cover the cost of the 瓶／封じ込めるs and the 手渡す-painted labels, givin’ you the contents as 解放する／自由な as this program, which ain’t yet over.

‘“To 結論する this evening’s entertainment, I 提案する to spar three 一連の会議、交渉／完成するs with Señor Carramba, demonstratin’ in a 精製するd and gentlemanly manner the blows with which I won the 肩書を与える of Middleweight Champeen of the World. This is not a 残虐な 展示, but a clean and 科学の lesson in that greatest 国内の 業績／成就, the “man and womanly art of self-弁護.” It is 是認するd by the leadin’ society ladies of the 広大な／多数の／重要な cities and has received the highest encomiums from 目だつ divines. While we are changing to 衣装s, the four Moorish gentlemen will pass amongst you with 解放する／自由な 見本s of the cologne. After you have smelled it, they will 申し込む／申し出 for sale the few remainin’ 瓶／封じ込めるs. Remember, four ounces for the ridic’lous sum of fifty cents, hardly enough to cover the cost of the 手渡す-painted labels. Only those parties 保持するing 瓶／封じ込めるs will be 許すd to remain during the pugilistic 討論会.’

“井戸／弁護士席, sir, you never saw the likes. You’d ‘a’ thought their sense of smell had laid out in the wet and got rusty. They couldn’t get enough of it; four ounces for four bits — ridic’lous cheap, too, when you consider that it stood us eight dollars an ounce in Topeka. That is, the real stuff that the coons carried around did, but of course the four-ounce 瓶／封じ込めるs wasn’t やめる so precious, bein’ as we filled them with filtered water and soaked the corks in real cologne durin’ the afternoons when we wasn’t busy. Yes, sir. They sure did like the smell of them corked-up water 瓶／封じ込めるs, and we was doin’ 井戸／弁護士席.

“‘Quick sales and small 利益（をあげる）s, is our motto,’ says マイク. ‘We make forty-nine cents a 瓶／封じ込める, which is small enough, and we sail out of a place as quick as possible. All it takes to run the biz is a バーレル／樽 of spring water and a little eight-dollar cologne to smell up the corks with. It’s a secret 過程.’

“We used to drink Kansas cologne with our meals, it was that 害のない, and I guess we 性質の／したい気がして of several thousand of the ‘few remainin’ 瓶／封じ込めるs.’ Nobody ever left the show before the fight, and they took home cologne to gladden the dull hours after our 出発.

“Every night マイク 問題／発行するd a challenge to 会合，会う and box all comers, but of course nobody never took him up, except oncet.

“We had drifted through Kansas like a hint of 甘い spring, disseminatin’ music, 魔法, and pseudonymous filtered drinkin’ water till we had colognized the whole 明言する／公表する like 法案 Penn 支援する East, when one day we landed in a little place called Fowler.

“It seemed like I noticed a good many familiar 直面するs in the audience that night, and I 発言／述べるd about it to マイク.

“‘It looks like some of our former 顧客s has drove over from the last village. I wonder do they like the show, or have they become so （麻薬）常用者d to the cologne that they want more?’

“Our entertainment went off いじめ（る） that night, every line a 叫び声をあげる, and the house as warm as an August （軍の）野営地，陣営-meetin’. Moreover, everybody clinched with them four-ounce 瓶／封じ込めるs, egregious, so they could stay and see the fight.

“Me and マイク does our customary stunts, then he steps to the 前線 of the 行う／開催する／段階 and 問題／発行するs his challenge to spar any man 現在の for any sum. 井戸／弁護士席, sir, I was 近づく strangled at the sight of a 農業者 about six feet long, who uplifts himself from the boosom of the populace. From the noise of the merry 村人s, I sort of （悪事，秘密などを）発見するd a sub-rosy feelin’, as though he was some 地元の celebrity. The 輪郭（を描く） 地図／計画する of this David was ridic’lous, however. He had a 肉親，親類d of long, lead-麻薬を吸う symmetry to him, except at his 共同のs, where he bulged and looked like the main had been mended; just an animated 職業 of plumbing. ‘Mebbe he’s like consommé, thinks I, ‘thin but good.’

“He was thickened up and turned over at both ends with the turriblest lookin’ 手渡すs and feet soldered on that I ever see, and he 陳列する，発揮するd his bashfulness by crackin’ his knuckles. He’d aggregate them digits up into a 小包 and wring them out with the 動揺させる of musketry or the sound of a man splittin’ kindling. Then, to cover his coyness, he’d pull each one separate and make it pop. It reminded me of breakin’ an armful of 議長，司会を務める 脚s.

“He was open and simple to gaze at, though, and appeared to be incapable of deceit, for you could look plumb into and through him by his nasal passages. He was a 二塁打-妨げる／法廷，弁護士業’led lookin’ 青年 from the 前線, and meetin’ him in the gloom I’d have felt like he had me covered with a breech-loader, for his nose rar’d 支援する and 星／主役にするd you 権利 in the 注目する，もくろむ. Yes, that was a strange probossy of his’n, and you felt that by flashin’ a dark lantern 負かす／撃墜する its 薄暗い and distant vistas you could see plumb 支援する to his secret soul. He seemed devoid of guile, 絶対の, and I thinks to myself:

‘“Plainly, this poor, bucolic party is too slow in wit and movement to 攻撃する，衝突する マイク with a handful of 発射. It’s really a pity to wallop him’; but I senses a sort of thrill through the audience and can hear ’em shiftin’ their feet. We had to 分裂（する） the gloves to get them over the protuberances this 青年 called 手渡すs.

“The Fowler Opery House ain’t built fer no Parsifal 生産／産物s, and what with the 組織／臓器, the sleight of 手渡す fixtures, and cologne boxes, we are pinched for room on the 行う／開催する／段階; however, I place two 議長，司会を務めるs in opposite corners and call the men out to the 中心 to shake 手渡すs.

“マイク is in red tights, while the stranger has took off his shoes and is in sock-feet, with his sleeves rolled up like he is out to （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域 a carpet.

“‘Gentamen,’ says I, in my Mexikin 模擬実験／偽ることs, ‘you fighta t’ree min’ an’ resta one. Shaka han’. Time!’

“Say, this world is a place of sad surprises. There’s only one thing so deceitful as 外見s, and that’s other 外見s.

“マイク comes 前へ／外へ, chin 負かす／撃墜する, shoulder up, left foot straight, all in perfect position and 積極的な as a grizzly, while the home 製品 hangs his 武器 loose and sways 支援する and forrad, lookin’ at マイク’s feet like it is milkin’ time and he is afraid of bein’ kicked. Then, of a sudden, he makes a 動議 with one glove like he is flaggin’ a train. マイク parries and turns loose an upper 削減（する） for the 農業者’s kitchen that would have broke every dish in his pantry, but somehow the man happens to be out when it arrives, and can’t receive it in person. He 転換s his feet at the 権利 instant, and is an インチ out of 範囲. マイク 運動s up with another assortment of wallops, but the Rube isn’t there to 調印する for ’em. The lamplight grew muddy with マイク’s blows, when all at once Mr. By-Heck reached 負かす／撃墜する, 選ぶd up his 権利 手渡す, piled his knuckles up in a heap on it, and threw it at Mojave.

“It 攻撃する，衝突する him abreast of the lower maxillaries and sounded like a butcher beatin’ steak with a cleaver. When マイク struck the 床に打ち倒す, he bounced, and you’d ‘a’ thought it was a Seminole corn-dance from the howl that rose from that audience. I didn’t count him out. He wouldn’t have understood, and them obsequies would have been an extravagance.

“I steps to the 前線 of the 行う／開催する／段階, liftin’ my 発言する／表明する. I am a good loser, and a smile is always on my 直面する, in adversity.

“‘Lady and genta,’ says I, ‘Señor Hiram Oates winna de fight. Gongratulash—’ then I stops, for Hiram taps me on the shoulder.

“‘You’re next, Papriky.’

“‘Me, what!’ says I.

‘“You’re next!’

‘“No sabe,’ says I, shruggin’my shoulders.

‘“Yes, ye dew. Get into them mittens, for I‘m goin’ to clean up the whole caboodle of you, white, yeller, and 黒人／ボイコット.’

“I 控訴，上告s to the Roman populace with all the chili 反対／詐欺 carne accents in my vocabulary, but their thumbs is 負かす／撃墜する. A gray-bearded goat in the 後部 of the hall hops up and cries:

‘“Hi-押し通す, kill the dago. The perfume ain’t no good.’

‘“Dago,’ says I, gettin’ sore, ‘I ain’t a dago. I’m as white as you, you old dill pickle.’

‘“Do him up, Hi,’ says a motherly lady in the 前線 列／漕ぐ／騒動, shakin’ her bonnet, ‘he ain’t no more of a Frenchman than I be.’

“井戸／弁護士席, sir I’m gettin’ pretty mad by this time. And yet I don’t hanker 非，不，無 for Hiram and the pillows. No, I ain’t cast in  the heroic mold of a Roman Gladiolus, and the sands of the areeny 始める，決めるs my teeth on 辛勝する／優位, but I’m 公正に／かなり 軍隊d into them boxin’ gloves, and we go at it like we was killin’ snakes, Thinks I, ‘I’ve got to 急ぐ this Kansas  thistle off his feet. マイク was too gentle with him!’ So I chop up the 空気／公表する around him and 除去する it to get more room. I swing and jab and 反対する and cross, but I am unlucky in hittin’ the places he had just left. That boy is too shifty to 攻撃する，衝突する with a shotgun, which is surely a pity, and somehow I don’t connect up with him 非，不，無 whatever. Likewise, he don’t 攻撃する，衝突する me, just keeps a glove in my 注目する，もくろむs, or 小衝突s my hair with it, till I have 疑惑s that he is playin’ with me, and that I’m bein’ put through my paces like a horse. I’m gettin’ tired and wobbly in the 脚s, and in one of my 急ぐs I run into the 組織／臓器 leavin’ a kneecap and create 確かな discords on it which don’t sound like the Maiden’s 祈り. Sweat is runnin’ into my 注目する，もくろむs, my 肺s feel like they had oil tight shoes, while, like the rose that was born to blush unseen, I have wasted all my 成果／努力s upon the 砂漠 空気／公表する.

“We have fought mebbe five minutes with never a 選び出す／独身 blow landed, when I grow desperate and make a last 控訴，上告 to the audience.

“‘Ladies and gents—’ I pants — ‘for Heaven’s sake, stop this brutality,’ but the old man yells:

“‘Nothin’ but rain water, Hiram’; and then Hiram 開始するd to go over me like a cooper hoopin’ a 妨げる／法廷，弁護士業’l. He sounded me all around to see if I had any holler 位置／汚点／見つけ出すs, then he played a xylophone 単独の on my short ribs, boxed the compass with short arm jabs, and 攻撃する，衝突する me from four directions at oncet so that I fell toward him. He stepped 支援する, 発射 one into my 沈む, then crossed to my butler’s pantry, and at last I saw the pretty, pretty 花火s.

“Late that night me and マイク caught the 地元の at the water-戦車／タンク, and when we was 伴う／関わるd amongst the straw, he says, feelin’ the bumps on his 長，率いる tender and gingery:

“‘Them minstrels had just one weak point, Kink.’

“‘What was it?’ I groans.

“‘We’d せねばならない have kept Balaam.”

THE END

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