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肩書を与える: The Hair
Author: A. J. Alan
* A 事業／計画（する） Gutenberg of Australia eBook *
eBook No.: 0609281h.html
Language:  English
Date first 地位，任命するd: December 2006
Date most recently updated: December 2006

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THE HAIR

by

A. J. Alan

I'm going to give you an account of 確かな occurrences. I shan't 試みる／企てる to explain them because they're やめる beyond me. When you've heard all the facts, some of you may be able to 申し込む／申し出 suggestions. You must 許す me for going into a 確かな 量 of 詳細（に述べる）. When you don't understand what you're talking about it's so difficult to know what to leave out.

This 商売／仕事 began in the dark ages, before there was any broadcasting. In fact, in 1921.

I'd been staying the week-end with a friend of 地雷 who lives about fifteen miles out of Bristol.

There was another man stopping there, too, who lived at Dawlish. 井戸／弁護士席, on the Monday morning our host drove us into Bristol in time for the Dawlish man to catch his train, which left a good 取引，協定 earlier than the London one. Of course, if old Einstein had done his 職業 適切に, we could both have gone by the same train. As it was, I had over half an hour to wait. Talking of Einstein, wouldn't it be almost 価値（がある） while dying young so as to hear what Euclid says to him when they 会合，会う—wherever it is?

There was a funny little old sort of curiosity shop in one of the streets I went 負かす／撃墜する, and I stopped to look in the window. 権利 at the 支援する, on a shelf, was a 一連の会議、交渉／完成する 厚かましさ／高級将校連 box, not unlike a 砕く-box in 形態／調整, and it rather took my fancy. I don't know why—perhaps it was because I'd never seen anything やめる like it before. That must be why some women buy some hats.

Anyway, the shop window was so dirty that you could hardly see through it, so I went inside to have a closer look. An incredibly old man （機の）カム out of the 支援する 地域s and told me all he knew about the box, which wasn't very much. It was 公正に／かなり 激しい, made of 厚かましさ／高級将校連, 一連の会議、交渉／完成する, four インチs high, and about three インチs in 直径. There was something inside it, which we could hear when we shook it, but no one had ever been able to get the lid off. He'd bought it from a sailor some years before, but couldn't say in the least what part of the world it （機の）カム from.

"What about fifteen （頭が）ひょいと動く?"

I 申し込む／申し出d him ten, and he took it very quickly, and then I had to sprint 支援する to the 駅／配置する to catch my train. When I got home I took the box up into my workshop and had a proper look at it. It was 極端に 原始の as regards work, and had evidently been made by 手渡す, and not on a lathe. Also, there had been something engraved on the lid, but it had been taken off with a とじ込み／提出する. Next 職業 was to get the lid off without doing any 損失 to it. It was a good 取引，協定 more than 手渡す tight, and no ordinary methods were any good. I stood it lid downwards for a week in a dish of glycerine as a start, and then made two 厚かましさ／高級将校連 collars, one for the box and one for the lid. At the-end of the week I bolted the collars on, 直す／買収する，八百長をするd the box in the 副／悪徳行為 and tried （電話線からの）盗聴 the lid 一連の会議、交渉／完成する with a 大打撃を与える—but it wouldn't start. Then, I tried it the other way and it went at once. That explained why no one had ever been able to unscrew it—it had a left-手渡すd thread on it. Rather a dirty trick—特に to go and do it all those years before.

井戸／弁護士席, here it was, unscrewing very sweetly, and I began to feel やめる like Howard Carter, wondering what I was going to find. It might go off bang, or jump out and 攻撃する，衝突する me in the 直面する. However, nothing exciting happened when the lid （機の）カム off. In fact, the box only seemed to be half-十分な of dust, but at the 底（に届く） was a curled-up plait of hair. When straightened out, it was about nine インチs long and nearly as 厚い as a pencil. I unplaited a short length, and 設立する it consisted of some hundreds of very 罰金 hairs, but in such a filthy 明言する／公表する (I 押すd them under the microscope) that there was nothing much to be seen. So I thought I'd clean them. You may 同様に know the 過程—first of all a bath of dilute hydrochloric 酸性の to get the grease off, then a 解答 of washing soda to 除去する the 酸性の. Then a washing in distilled water, then a bath of alcohol to get rid of any traces of water, and a final rinsing in ether to 最高の，を越す off with.

Just as I took it out of the ether they called me 負かす／撃墜する to the telephone, so I 押すd it 負かす／撃墜する on the first clean thing which （機の）カム handy, すなわち, a piece of white cardboard, and went downstairs. When I 診察するd the plait later on, the only thing of 利益／興味 that （機の）カム to light was the fact that the hairs had all 明らかに belonged to several different women. The colours 範囲d from jet-黒人／ボイコット, through brown, red, and gold, 権利 up to pure white. 非，不，無 of the hair was dyed, which 証明するd how very old it was. I showed it to one or two people, but they didn't seem very enthusiastic, so I put it, and its box, in a little corner cupboard we have, and forgot all about it.

Then the first strange coincidence happened.

About ten days later a pal of 地雷 called Matthews （機の）カム into the club with a 包帯 across his forehead. People 自然に asked him what was the 事柄, and he said he didn't know, and what's more the doctor didn't know. He'd suddenly flopped 負かす／撃墜する on his 製図／抽選-room 床に打ち倒す, in the middle of tea, and lain like a スピードを出す／記録につける. His wife was in a fearful stew, of course, and telephoned for the doctor. However, Matthews （機の）カム 一連の会議、交渉／完成する at the end of about five minutes, and sat up and asked what had 攻撃する，衝突する him. When the doctor blew in a few minutes later he was pretty 井戸／弁護士席 all 権利 again except for a good 取引，協定 of 苦痛 in his forehead. The doctor couldn't find anything the 事柄 except a red 示す which was beginning to show on the 肌 just where the 苦痛 was.

井戸／弁護士席, this 示す got clearer and clearer, until it looked just like a blow from a stick. Next day it was about the same, except that a big bruise had come up all 一連の会議、交渉／完成する the 示す. After that it got 徐々に better. Matthews took the 包帯 off and showed it me at the club, and there was nothing much more than a bruise with a curved red line 負かす／撃墜する the middle of it, like the 跡をつける of a red-hot worm.

They'd decided that he'd had an attack of giddiness and must somehow have bumped his 長，率いる in 落ちるing. And that was that.

About a month later, my wife said to me: "We really must tidy your workshop!" And I said: "Must we?" And she said: "Yes, it's a 不名誉." So up we went.

Tidying my workshop consists of putting the 道具s 支援する in their racks, and of my wife wanting to throw away things she finds on the 床に打ち倒す, and me 説: "Oh, no, I could use that for so and so."

The first thing we （機の）カム across was the piece of white cardboard I'd used to put the plait of hair on while I'd run to the telephone that day.

When we （機の）カム to look at the other 味方する we 設立する it was a flashlight photograph of a dinner I'd been at. You know what happens. Just before the speeches a lot of blighters come in with a camera and some 政治家s with tin trays on the 最高の，を越す, and someone says: "Will the chairman please stand?" and he's helped to his feet. Then there's a blinding flash and the room's 十分な of smoke, and the blighters go out again. Later on a man comes 一連の会議、交渉／完成する with proofs, and if you are very weak—or 近づく the chairman—you order one print.

井戸／弁護士席, this dinner had been the worshipful company of skate-fasteners or something, and I'd gone as the guest of the same bloke Matthews I've already been telling you about, and we'd sat "味方する by each," as the 説 is. My wife was looking at the photograph, and she said: "What's that 示す on Mr. Matthews's forehead?" And I looked—and there, sure enough, was the exact 示す that he'd come into the club with a month before. The curious part 存在, of course, that the photograph had been taken at least six months before he'd had the funny attack which 原因（となる）d the 示す. Now, then—on the 支援する of the photograph, when we 診察するd it, was a faint brown line. This was evidently left by the plait of hair when I'd pinned it out to 乾燥した，日照りの, and it had soaked through and 原因（となる）d the 示す on Matthews's 直面する. I checked it by 押すing a needle 権利 through the cardboard. Of course, this looked like a very strange coincidence, on the 直面する of it. I don't know what your experience of coincidences is—but 地雷 is that they usually aren't. Anyway, I took the trouble to trace out the times, and I finally 設立するd, beyond a 影をつくる／尾行する of a 疑問, that I had pinned the hair out on the photograph between four and a ４半期/4分の1-past on a particular day, and that Matthews had had his funny attack on the same day at about a ４半期/4分の1-past four. That was something like a coincidence. Next, the idea （機の）カム to me to try it again. Not on poor old Matthews, 明白に—he'd already had some—and, besides, he was a friend of 地雷. I know perfectly 井戸／弁護士席 that we are told to be 肉親，親類d to our enemies, and so on—in fact, I do やめる a lot of that—but when it comes to trying an 実験 of this 肉親，親類d—even if the chances are a million to one against it 存在 a success, I mean having any result—one 自然に chooses an enemy rather than a friend. I looked 一連の会議、交渉／完成する for a suitable—犠牲者—someone who wouldn't be 行方不明になるd much in 事例／患者 there happened to be another coincidence. The individual on whom my choice fell was the nurse next door.

We can see into their garden from our bathroom window—and we'd often noticed the rotten way she 扱う／治療するd the child she had 告発（する），告訴（する）／料金 of when she thought no one was looking. Nothing one could definitely complain about—you know what a thankless 職業 it is to butt into your 隣人's 事件／事情／状勢s—but she was systematically unkind, and we hated the sight of her. Another thing—when she first （機の）カム she used to lean over the garden 塀で囲む and こそこそ動く our roses—at least, she didn't even do that—she used to pull them off their stalks and let them 減少（する）—I soon stopped that. I fitted up some little 手はず／準備 of fish-hooks 一連の会議、交渉／完成する some of the most accessible roses and 錨，総合司会者d them to the ground with wires. There was Hell-and-Tommy the next morning, and she had her 手渡す done up in 包帯s for a week.

Altogether she was just the person for my 実験. The first thing was to get a photograph of her, so the next sunny morning, when she was in the garden, I made a noise like an aeroplane out of the bathroom window to make her look up, and got her nicely. As soon as the first print was 乾燥した，日照りの, about eleven o'clock the same night, I fastened the plait of hair across the forehead with two pins—feeling 極端に foolish, as one would, of course, doing an idiotic thing like that—and put it away in a drawer in my workshop. The evening of the next day, when I got home, my wife met me and said: "What do you think—the nurse next door was 設立する dead in bed this morning." And she went on to say that the people were やめる upset about it, and there was going to be an 検死, and all the 残り／休憩（する） of it. I tell you, you could have knocked me 負かす／撃墜する with a brick. I said: "No, not really; what did she die of?" You must understand that my lady wife didn't know anything about the 実験. She'd never have let me try it. She's rather superstitious—in spite of living with me. As soon as I could I こそこそ動くd up to the workshop drawer and got out the photograph, and—I know you won't believe me, but it doesn't make any difference—when I unpinned the plait of hair and took it off there was a 明確に-示すd brown stain 権利 across the nurse's forehead. I tell you, that did make me sit up, if you like—because that made twice—first Matthews and now—now.

It was rather 乱すing, and I know it sounds silly, but I couldn't help feeling to 非難する in some vague way.

井戸／弁護士席, the next thing was the 検死—I …に出席するd that, 自然に, to know what the poor unfortunate woman had died of. Of course, they brought it in as "death from natural 原因（となる）s," すなわち, several burst bloodvessels in the brain; but what puzzled the doctors was what had 原因（となる）d the "natural 原因（となる）s"—also, she had the same sort of 示す on her forehead as Matthews had had. They had gone very 完全に into the theory that she might have been exposed to X-rays—it did look a bit like that—but it was more or いっそう少なく 証明するd that she couldn't have been, so they 率直に gave it up. Of course, it was all very 利益／興味ing and entertaining, and I やめる enjoyed it, as far as one can enjoy an 検死, but they hadn't （疑いを）晴らすd up the 悩ますd question—did she 落ちる or was she pu—井戸／弁護士席, had she 消すd it on account of the plait of hair, or had she not? 明白に the 事柄 couldn't be 許すd to 残り／休憩（する） there—it was much too thrilling. So I looked about for someone else to try it on and decided that a man who lived in the house opposite would do beautifully. He wasn't as bad as the nurse because he wasn't cruel—at least, not 故意に—he played the fiddle—so I decided not to kill him more than I could help.

The photograph was rather a bother, because he didn't go out much. You've no idea how difficult it is to get a decent 十分な-直面する photograph of a man who knows you by sight without him knowing. However, I managed to get one after a fortnight or so. It was rather small and I had to 大きくする it, but it wasn't bad considering. He used to spend most of his evenings up in a 最高の，を越す room practising, 二塁打 stopping and what-not—so after dinner I went up to my workshop window, which overlooks his, and waited for him to begin. Then, when he'd really warmed up to his 職業, I just touched the plait across the photograph—not hard, but—井戸／弁護士席, like you do when you are 実験（する）ing a bit of twin flex to find out which wire is which, you touch the ends across an accumulator or an H.T. 殴打／砲列. やめる indefensible in theory, but invariably done in practice. (本人自身で, I always use the electric light mains—the 要求するd （警察などへの）密告，告訴（状） is so 即時に 来たるべき.) 井戸／弁護士席, that's how I touched the photograph with the plait. The first time I did it my bloke played a wrong 公式文書，認める. That was nothing, of course, so I did it again more slowly. This time there was no 疑問 about it. He あわてて put 負かす／撃墜する his fiddle and hung out of the window, gasping like a fish for about five minutes. I tell you, I was so surprised that I felt like doing the same.

However, I pulled myself together, and wondered whether one せねばならない 燃やす the da—er—plait or not. But there seemed too many 可能性s in it for that—so I decided to learn how to use it instead. It would take too long to tell you all about my 実験s. They lasted for several months, and I 減ずるd the thing to such an exact science that I could do anything from giving a gnat a 頭痛 to 殺人，大当り a man. All this, mind you, at the cost of one man, one woman, lots of 支持を得ようと努めるd-lice, and a conscientious objector. You must 収容する／認める that that's pretty 穏健な, considering what fun one could have had with a 発見 of that 肉親，親類d.

井戸／弁護士席, it seemed to me that, now the 支配（する）／統制する of my absent 治療 had been brought to such a degree of 正確, it would be rather a pity not to 雇う it in some practical way. In other words, to make a fortune quickly without undue loss of life.

One could, of course, work 刻々と through the people one disliked, but it wouldn't bring in anything for some time.

I mean, even if you insure them first you've got to wait a year before they die, or the company won't 支払う／賃金, and in any 事例／患者 it begins to look fishy after you've done it a few times. Then I had my 広大な／多数の／重要な idea: Why shouldn't my 過程 be 適用するd to horse-racing? All one had to do was to 選ぶ some 部外者 in a race—支援する it for all you were 価値（がある） at about 100 to 1, and then see that it didn't get beaten.

The actual 操作／手術 would be やめる simple. One would only have to have a piece of card-board with photographs of all the 走者s stuck on it—except the one that was to 勝利，勝つ, of course—and then （問題を）取り上げる a position giving a good 見解（をとる） of the race.

I wasn't 提案するing to 傷つける any of the horses in the least. They were only going to get the lightest of touches, just enough to give them a tired feeling, soon after the start. Then, if my horse didn't seem to have the race 井戸／弁護士席 in 手渡す 近づく the finish, I could give one more light 治療 to any horse which still looked dangerous.

It stood to 推論する／理由 that 広大な／多数の／重要な care would have to be taken not to upset the tunning too much. For instance, if all the horses except one fell 負かす／撃墜する, or even stopped and began to graze, there would be a chance of the race 存在 宣言するd 無効の.

So I had two or three rehearsals. They worked perfectly. The last one hardly was a rehearsal because I had a tenner on at 33 to 1, just for luck—and, of course, it （機の）カム off.

However, it wasn't as lucky as it sounds. Just outside the 入り口 to the grandstand there was rather a squash and, as I （機の）カム away I got surrounded by four or five men who seemed to be 押し進めるing me about a bit, but it didn't strike me what the game was until one of them got his 手渡す into the breast-pocket of my coat.

Then I 自然に made a 得る，とらえる at him and got him just above the 肘 with both 手渡すs, and drove his 手渡す still その上の into my pocket. That 自然に 押し進めるd the pocket, with his 手渡す inside it, under my 権利 arm, and I squeezed it against my ribs for all I was 価値（がある）.

Now, there was nothing in that pocket but the 実験（する） tube with the plait of hair in it, and the moment I started squeezing it went with a crunch. I'm a bit 煙霧のかかった about the next minute because my light-fingered friend tried to get 解放する／自由な, and two of his pals helped him by bashing me over the 長，率いる. They were やめる rough. In fact, they entered so heartily into the spirit of the thing that they went on doing it until the police （機の）カム up and collared them.

You should have seen that 手渡す when it did come out of my pocket. 削減（する） to pieces, and bits of broken glass sticking out all over it—like a crimson tipsy cake. He was so bad that we made a call at a doctor's on the way to the police 駅／配置する for him to have a small artery tied up. There was a 削減（する） on the 支援する of my 長，率いる that 手配中の，お尋ね者 a bit of attention, too. やめる a nice chap, the doctor, but he was my undoing. He was, without 疑問, the baldest doctor I've ever seen, though I once saw a balder alderman.

When he'd painted me with iodine, I retrieved the 残り／休憩（する） of the broken glass and the hair from the 底（に届く） of my pocket and asked him if he could give me an empty 瓶／封じ込める to put it in. He said: "Certainly," and produced one, and we corked the hair up in it. When I got home, 結局, I looked in the 瓶／封じ込める, but apart from a little muddy 実体 at the 底（に届く） it was empty—the plait of hair had melted away. Then I looked at the label on the 瓶／封じ込める, and 設立する the 指名する of a much-advertised hair restorer.

The End

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