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肩書を与える: Collected Stories
Author: Valerie Bryusov
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Language: English
Date first 地位，任命するd: August 2006
Date most recently updated: August 2006

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Collected Stories

by

Valerie Bryusov

（米）棚上げする／（英）提議する of Contents

保護: A Christmas Story
In the Mirror

保護: A Christmas Story

This happened five-and-twenty years ago, and more: it was in the middle of the seventies. I had only just got my （売買）手数料，委託（する）／委員会／権限. Our 連隊 was 駅／配置するd at a small 地方の town in the 政府 of X. We spent our time as officers usually do: we drank, played cards, and paid attentions to women.

の中で the people living in the neighbourhood, one stood out above the 残り／休憩（する）, Mme. C---Elena Grigorievna. 厳密に speaking, she did not belong to the society there, for until lately she had always lived at Petersburg. But 存在 left a 未亡人 a year 以前 she had settled 負かす／撃墜する to live on her country 広い地所, about ten versts from the town. She was somewhat over thirty years of age, but in her 注目する，もくろむs, almost unnaturally large, there was something childlike, which gave her an inexplicablc charm. All our officers werc attracted by her; but I fell in love witll her, as only twenty can 落ちる in love.

The 指揮官 of our company was a 親族 of Elena Grigorievna, and we 得るd 接近 to her house. She had become somewhat tired of 存在 a recluse, and liked to have visits from young folks, though she lived almost alone. We いつかs went to dinner, and spent whole evenings there. But she behaved with so much tact and goodness that no one could 誇る of the slightest intimacy with her. Even malicious 地方の tongues could bring no gossip against her.

I was sick of love for her. What 拷問d me more than all was the impossibility of 率直に 自白するing my love. I would have done anything in the world just to 落ちる on my 膝s before Elena Grigorievna and say aloud to her: "I love you." 青年 is a little like intoxication. For the sake of having half an hour alone with her whom I loved, I 解決するd on a dcsperate 手段. There was much snow that winter. In the Christmas holidays there was not a day but the 勝利，勝つd raised the 乾燥した，日照りの snow from the ground into the 空気／公表する in whirling eddies. I chose an evening when the 天候 was 特に bad, ordered my horse to be saddled, and 始める，決める out over the fields.

I don't know how it was I didn't 死なせる／死ぬ by the way. Everywhere the snow was whirling and the 空気／公表する was so 厚い with it that at two paces from me there stood, as it were, grey, 塀で囲むs of snow. On the road the snow was almost up to one's 膝s. Twenty times I lost my way. Twenty times my horse 辞退するd to go その上の. I had a flask of cognac with me, and but for it I should have frozen. It took me just on three hours to travel the ten versts.

By some sort of 奇蹟 I arrived at the house. It was already late, and I hardly 後継するd in knocking up the servants. When the watchman recognised me he exclaimed in wonder. I was all over snow, covered with ice, and looked like a Christmas mummer. Of course I had 用意が出来ている a story to account for my 外見. My 計算／見積りs were not at fault. Elena Grigorievna was 強いるd to receive me and she orderd a room to be 用意が出来ている for me to stay the night.

In half an hour's time I was seated in the dining room, alone with her. She 圧力（をかける）d me to have supper, ワイン, tea. The スピードを出す／記録につけるs crackled on the 射撃を開始する, the light of a hanging-lamp enclosed us in a circle which to me seemed magical. I felt not the slightest tiredness and was more in love than ever.

I was young, handsome, and certainly no fool. I had every 権利 to the notice of a woman. But Elena Grigorievna, with unusual dexterity, 避けるd all talk of love. She compelled me to talk to her 正確に／まさに as if we had been at a party in the 中央 of many other people. She laughed at my witticisms, but pretended not to understand any of my hints.

In spite of this, a special 肉親，親類d of intimacy sprang up between us, 許すing us to speak more 率直に. And at length, knowing that it was nearly time to say goodnight, I made up my mind. My consciousness, as it were, reminded me that such a suitable occasion would not repeat itself. "If you don't take advantage of today," said I to myself, "you have only yourself to 非難する." By a 広大な／多数の／重要な 成果／努力 of will, I suddenly broke off the conversation in the middle of a word, and in a moment, somewhat incoherently and awkwardly, I said out all that had been hidden in my soul.

"Why are we pretending, Elena Grigorievna? You know very 井戸／弁護士席 why I （機の）カム to-day. I （機の）カム to tell you that I love you. And now I say it to you. I cannot but love you and I want you to love me. 運動 me away and I will 謙虚に 出発／死. If you don't tell me to go I shall take it as a 調印する that you love me. I don't want anything in between. I want either your 怒り／怒る or your love."

The childlike 注目する，もくろむs of Elena Grigorievna became 冷淡な. They looked like 水晶. I read such a （疑いを）晴らす answer in her countenance that I got up without another word and 手配中の，お尋ね者 to go off straight away. But she stoppcd me.

"That's enough! Where are you going? Don't behave like a little boy. Sit 負かす／撃墜する."

She made me sit 負かす／撃墜する 近づく her and began to speak to me as if she had been an 年上の sister talking to a wayward child.

"You are too young yet, and love is something new to you. If another woman were in my place you would 落ちる in love with her. In a month's time you would begin to love a third. But there is another 肉親，親類d of love which drains the depths of the soul. Such a love I had for Sergey, my husband, who is dead. I have given to him all I can ever feel. However much you may speak to me of love, I shall hear you no more than if I were dead. You must understand that I have no longer any capacity to attach any meaning to such words. It's just as if you spoke to someone who could not hear you. Reconcile yourself to this. You can no more be 感情を害する／違反するd than if you were unable to make a dead woman love you."

Elena Grigorievna spoke with a slight smile. This appeared to me to be almost 侮辱ing. I imagined that she was laughing at me, in thus putting 今後 her own love for her dead husband. I felt myself grow pale. I remember the 涙／ほころびs springing to my 注目する，もくろむs.

My agitation was not unobservcd by Elena Grigorievna. I saw the 表現 of her 冷淡な 注目する，もくろむs begin to change. She understood that I was 苦しむing. 抑制するing me with her 手渡す, as she saw I wantcd to get up without replying, she drew her 議長，司会を務める nearcr 地雷. I felt her breath on my 直面する. Then lowering her 発言する／表明する, although we were alone in the room, she said to me, with a real frankness and tender intimacy:

"許す me, if I've 感情を害する／違反するd you. Perhaps I am mistaken about your feeling, and it's more serious than I thought. So I will tell you the whole truth. Listen. My love for Sergey is not dead, but living. I love him, not for the past, but in the 現在の. I am not separated from him. I take your 自白 to me 本気で; take 地雷 in the same way. From the very day of his death, Sergey began to show himself to me, invisibly but 明確に. I am conscious of his nearness, I feel his breath, I hear his caressing whisper. I answer him and I have 静かな 会談 with him. At times he almost 率直に kisses me, on my hair, my cheeks, my lips. At times I see his reflection dimly in the half-light, in a mirror. As soon as I am alone, he at once shows himself to me. I am accustomed to this life with a 影をつくる／尾行する. I go on loving Sergey in this other form of his, just as passionately and tenderly as I loved him before. I want no other love. And I will not break 約束 with the man who has not left mc, even though he has passed beyond the bounds of this life. If you tell me that I rave, that I have an hallucination, I shall answer that it makes no difference to me what you think. I am happy in my love, why should I 辞退する my happincss? Let me be happy."

Elena Grigorievna spoke this long speech of hers gently, without raising her 発言する／表明する, and with 深い 有罪の判決. I was so impressed by her earnestness that I could find no answer. I looked at her with a 確かな awe and pity, as at someone whom grief had crazcd. But she had become the hostess again and spoke now in another トン, as if all she had said 以前 might have been a joke:

"井戸／弁護士席, it's time for us to go to bed. Matthew will show you your bedroom."

Matthew was an old servant of the house. I mechanically kissed the 手渡す she held out to me. And in another minute Matthew was asking me, in a lugubrious 発言する／表明する, to follow him. He led me to the other 味方する of the house, showed me the bed which had been 用意が出来ている for me, wished me good night, and left me.

Only then did I 回復する myself a little. And, isn't it strange, my first feeling was that of shame? I felt ashamed at having played such an unenviable 役割. I felt ashamed to think that though I had been alone for two hours with a young woman, in an almost empty house, I hadn't even got so far as to kiss her lips. At that moment I felt more malice than love に向かって Elena Grigorievna and a wish to 復讐 myself upon her. I had 中止するd to think that her mind might be unhinged, I thought she had been making fun of me.

Sitting 負かす／撃墜する on my bed, I began to think 事柄s over. I was familiar with the house. I knew that I was in the dead Sergey Dmitrievitch's 熟考する／考慮する. The room next was his bedroom, where everything was left 正確に／まさに as in his lifetime. On the 塀で囲む in 前線 of me hung his portrait in oils. He was in a 黒人／ボイコット coat and was wearing the 略章 of the French Order of the Legion of Honour, which he had received--I don't know how or why--in the time of the Second Empire. And by some sort of strange 関係 of ideas, it was this 略章 特に which gave me the idea of the strangest, wildest 計画（する）.

My 直面する was not unlike that of the dead Sergey Dmitrievitch. Of course he was older than I. But we both wore a moustache and did our hair alike. Only his hair was grey. I went into his bedroom. The wardrobe was 打ち明けるd. I looked for the 黒人／ボイコット coat of the portrait and put it on. I 設立する the 略章 of the Order. I 砕くd my hair and my moustache. In a word, I dressed myself up as the dead man.

Probably if my design had been successful I should be ashamed to tell you about it. I 自白する that what I planned was much uorse than a simple joke. It would have been 絶対 unpardonable had I not been so young. But I received the 予定 reward of my 活動／戦闘.

Having finished the change of my attire, I directed my steps に向かって Elena Grigorievna's bedroom. Have you ever chanced to creep along at night in a sleeping house? How 際立った is every rustle, how terribly loud is the creak of every 床に打ち倒す-board in the silence! Several times it seemed to me that I should 誘発する all the servants.

At length I 伸び（る）d the wished-for door. My heart （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域. I turned the 扱う. The door opened noiselessly. I went in. The room was lighted by a lamp, which was 燃やすing brightly. Elena Grigorievna had not yet gone to bed. She was seated in a large armcha-r in her dressing-gown, in 前線 of a tabie, 深い in thought, in remembrance. She had not heard me come in.

I stood for some minutes in the half-影をつくる／尾行する, not daring to take a step 今後. Suddenly, Elena Grigorievna, becoming conscious of my presence, or 審理，公聴会 some sort of noise, turned her 長，率いる. She saw me and began to tremble. My stratagem had 後継するd better than I might have 推定する／予想するd. She took me for her dead husband. Getting up from the armchair with a faint cry she stretched out her 武器 to me. I heard her 発言する／表明する of joy:

"Sergey! It is you! At last!"

And then, all trembling with agitation, she sank 負かす／撃墜する again, seemingly unconscious, into her 議長，司会を務める.

Not fully aware of what I 手配中の，お尋ね者 to do, I ran に向かって her. But the instant I （機の）カム の近くに to the armchair I saw before me the form of another man. This was so 予期しない that I stood still, as if the rigour of death had overtaken me. Afterwards I 反映するd that a large mirror must have stood there. This other man was a perfect replica of myself. He too wore a biack coat; on his breast he too wore the 略章 of the Legion of Honour. And in a moment I understood that this was he whose form I had stolen, he who had come from beyond the 墓／厳粛／彫る／重大な to 保護する his wife. A sharp terror ran through all my 四肢s.

For several seconds we stood 直面するing one another by the 議長，司会を務める in which lay unconscious the woman for whom we were 努力する／競うing. I was unable to make the slightest movement. And he, this phantom, 静かに raised his 手渡す and made a 脅すing gesture に向かって me.

I took part afterwards in the Turkish War. I have looked on death and have seen all that would be counted terrible. But I have never again experienced such horror as then overcame me. This 脅し from the other world stopped the （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域ing of my heart and the flow of 血 in my veins. For a moment I almost became a 死体 myself. Then without another ちらりと見ること, I 急ぐd to the door.

持つ／拘留するing on by the 塀で囲むs, staggering along, not caring how loudly my steps resounded, I reached my own room. I had not 十分な courage to look at the portrait hanging on the 塀で囲む. I threw myself flat on the bed, and a sort of 黒人／ボイコット stupor held me 急速な／放蕩な there.

I wakened at 夜明け. I was still wearing the same 誤った attire. In an agony of shame I took it off and hung it up in its place. Dressing myself in my own uniform, I went to find Matthew, and told him I must leave at once. He was evidently not in the least surprised. I asked the housemaid Glasha if her mistress were still asleep, and got the answer that she was sleeping 平和的に. This 元気づけるd me. I begged her to say that I apologised for leaving without 説 good-bye, and galloped off.

A few days later I went with some friends to visit Elena Grigorievna. She received me with her usual 儀礼. Not by a 選び出す／独身 hint did she remind me of that night. And to this day, it is a mystery to me; did she or did she not understand what happened?

In the Mirror

I have loved mirrors from my very earliest years. As an 幼児 I wept and trembled as I looked into their transparently truthful depths. My favourite game as a child was to walk up and 負かす／撃墜する the room or the garden, 持つ／拘留するing a mirror in 前線 of me, gazing into its abyss, walking over the 辛勝する／優位 at every step, and breathless with giddiness and terror. Even as a girl I began to put mirrors all over my room, large and small ones, true and わずかに distorted ones, some 正確な and others a little dull. I got into the habit of spending whole hours, whole days, in the 中央 of intercrossing worlds which ran one into the other, trembled, 消えるd, and then 再現するd again.

It became a singular passion of 地雷 to give my 団体／死体 to these soundless distances, these echoless 視野s, these separate universes cutting across our own and 存在するing, にもかかわらず our consciousness, in the same place and at the same time with it. This 長引いた actuality, separated from us by the smooth surface of glass, drew me に向かって itself by a 肉親，親類d of intangible touch, dragged me 今後, as to an abyss, a mystery.

I was drawn に向かって the apparition which always rose up before me when I （機の）カム 近づく a mirror and which strangely 二塁打d my 存在. I strove to guess how this other woman was differenti-ated from myself, how it was possible that my 権利 手渡す should be her left, and that all the fingers of this 手渡す should change places, though certainly on one of them was--my wedding-（犯罪の）一味.

My thoughts were 混乱させるd when I 試みる／企てるd to 調査（する） this enigma, to solve it. In this world, where everybody could be touched, where 発言する／表明するs were heard--I lived, 現実に; in that 反映するd world, which it was only possible to 熟視する／熟考する, was she, phantasmally. She was almost as myself and yet not at all myself; she repeated all my movements, but not one of these movements 正確に／まさに 同時に起こる／一致するd with those I made. She, that other, knew something I could not divine, she held a secret eternally hidden from my understanding.

But I noticed that each mirror had its own separate and special world. Put two mirrors in the very same place, one after the other, and there will arise two different universes. And in different mirrors there rose up before me different apparitions, all of them like me but never 正確に／まさに like one another. In my small 手渡す-mirror lived a naive little girl with （疑いを）晴らす 注目する，もくろむs, reminding me of my 早期に 青年. In my circular boudoir mirror was hidden a woman who knew all the diverse sweetness of caresses, shameless, 解放する／自由な, beautiful, daring. In the oblong mirrors of the wardrobe door there always appeared a 厳しい 人物／姿／数字, imperious, 冷淡な, inexorable. I knew still other （テニスなどの）ダブルス of myself--in my dressing-glass, in my 倍のing, gold-でっちあげる，人を罪に陥れるd triptych, in the hanging mirror in the oaken でっちあげる，人を罪に陥れる, in the little neck mirror, and in many other mirrors which I treasured. To all the 存在s hiding themselves in these mirrors I gave the 可能性 and pretext to develop.

によれば the strange 条件s of their world they must take the form of the person who stands before the glass but under this borrowed exterior they 保存する their own personal 特徴.

There were some worlds of mirrors which I loved; others which I hated. In some of them I loved to walk up and 負かす／撃墜する for whole hours, losing myself in their attractive expanse. Others I fled from. In my secret heart I did not love all my （テニスなどの）ダブルス. I knew that they were all 敵意を持った toward me, if only for the fact that they were 軍隊d to 着せる／賦与する themselves in my hated likeness.

But some of these mirror women I pitied. I forgave their hate and felt almost friendly to them.

There were some whom I despised, and I loved to laugh at their 権力のない fury; there were some whom I mocked by my own independence and 拷問d by my 力／強力にする over them. There were others, on the other 禁止（する）d, of whom I was afraid, who were too strong for me and who dared in their turn to mock at me, to 命令（する） me. I 急いでd to get rid of the mirrors where these women lived, I would not look in them, I hid them, gave them away, even broke some in pieces. But every time I destroyed a mirror I wept for whole days after, conscious of the fact that I had broken to pieces a 際立った universe. And reproachful 直面するs 星／主役にするd at me from the broken fragments of the world I bad destroyed.

The mirror with which my 運命／宿命 was to become linked I bought one autumn at a sale of some sort. It was a large pier-glass, swinging on screws. I was struck by the unusual clarity of its reflection. The phantasmal actuality in it was changed by the slightest inclination of the glass, but it was 独立した・無所属 and 決定的な to the 辛勝する／優位s. When I 診察するd this pier-glass at the sale the woman who was 反映するd in it looked me in the 注目する，もくろむs with a 肉親，親類d of haughty challenge. I did not wish to give in to her, to show that she had 脅すd me, so I bought the glass and ordered it to be placed in my boudoir. As soon as I was alone in the room, I すぐに went up to the new mirror and 直す／買収する，八百長をするd my 注目する，もくろむs upon my 競争相手. But she did the same to me, and standing opposite one another we began to transfix each other with our ちらりと見ること as if we had been snakes. In the pupils of her 注目する，もくろむs was my reflection, in 地雷, hers. My heart sank and my 長，率いる swam from her 意図 gaze. But at length by an 成果／努力 of will I tore my 注目する，もくろむs away from those other 注目する，もくろむs, tipped the mirror with my foot so that it began to swing, 激しく揺するing the image of my 競争相手 pitifully to and fro, and went out of the room.

From that hour our 争い began. In the evening of the first day of our 会合 I did not dare to go 近づく the new pier-glass; I went to the theatre with my husband, laughed exaggeratedly, and was 明らかに light-hearted. On the morrow, in the dear light of a September day I went boldly into my boudoir alone and deliberately sat 負かす／撃墜する 直接／まっすぐに in 前線 of the mirror. At the same moment, she, the other woman, also （機の）カム in at the door to 会合，会う me, crossed the room, and then she too sat 負かす／撃墜する opposite me. Our 注目する，もくろむs met. In hers I read 憎悪 に向かって myself; in 地雷 she read 憎悪 に向かって her. Our second duel began, a duel of 注目する，もくろむs--two unyielding ちらりと見ることs, 命令（する）ing, 脅すing, hypnotising. Each of us strove to 征服する／打ち勝つ the other's will, to break 負かす／撃墜する her 抵抗, to 軍隊 her to 服従させる／提出する to another's 願望（する）. It would have been a painful scene for an onlooker to 証言，証人／目撃する; two women sitting opposite each other without moving, joined together by the 磁石の attraction of each other's gaze, and almost losing consciousness under the psychical 緊張する... Suddenly someone called me. The infatuation 消えるd. I got up and left the room.

After this our duels were 新たにするd every day. I realised that this adventuress had purposely 軍隊d herself into my home to destroy me and take my place in this world. But I had not 十分な strength to 否定する myself this struggle. In this 競争 there was a 肉親，親類d of secret intoxication. The very 可能性 of 敗北・負かす had hidden in it a sort of 甘い seduction. いつかs I 軍隊d myself for whole days to keep away from the pier-glass; I 占領するd myself with 商売／仕事, with amusements, but in the depths of my soul was always hidden the memory of the 競争相手 who in patience and self-依存 を待つd my return. I would go 支援する to her and she would step 前へ／外へ in 前線 of me, more triumphantly than ever, piercing me with her 勝利を得た gaze and 直す／買収する，八百長をするing me in my place before her. My heart would stop （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域ing, and I, with a 権力のない fury, would feel myself under the 当局 of this gaze.

So the days and weeks went by; our struggle continued, but the preponderance showed itself more and more definitely to be on the 味方する of my 競争相手. And suddenly one day I realised that my will was in subjection to her will, that she was already stronger than I. I was 打ち勝つ with terror. My first impulse was to 逃げる from my home and go to another town, but I saw at once that this would be useless. I should, all the same, be 打ち勝つ by the attractive 軍隊 of this 敵意を持った will and be 強いるd to return to this room, to this mirror. Then there （機の）カム a second thought--to 粉々にする the mirror, 減ずる my enemy to nothingness; but to 征服する／打ち勝つ her by 残虐な strength would mean that I 定評のある her 優越 over myself; this would be humiliating. I preferred to remain and continue this struggle to the end, even though I were 脅すd with 敗北・負かす.

Soon there could be no 疑問 that my 競争相手 would 勝利. At every 会合 there was concentrated in her gaze still greater and greater 力／強力にする over me. Little by little I lost the 可能性 of letting a day pass without once going to my mirror. She ordered me to spend several hours daily in 前線 of her. She directed my will as a hypnotist directs the will of a sleepwalker. She arranged my life, as a mistress arranges the life of a slave. I began to fulfil her 需要・要求するs, I became an automaton to her wordless orders. I knew that deliberately, 慎重に, she would lead me by an 避けられない path to 破壊, and I already made no 抵抗. I divined her secret 計画（する）--to cast me into the mirror world and to come 前へ／外へ herself into our world--but I had no strength to 妨げる her. My husband and my 親族s seeing me spend whole hours, whole days and nights in 前線 of my mirror, thought me demented and 手配中の，お尋ね者 to cure me. But I dared not 明らかにする／漏らす the truth to them, I was forbidden to tell them all the dreadful truth, all the horror, に向かって which I was moving.

One of the December days before the holidays turned out to be the day of my 破壊. I remember everything 明確に, 正確に, circumstantially. Nothing in my remembrance is 混乱させるd. As usual, I went into my boudoir 早期に, at the first beginnings of the winter 夜明け twilight. I placed a comfortable armchair without a 支援する in 前線 of the mirror, sat 負かす／撃墜する and gave myself up to her. Without any 延期する she appeared in answer to my 召喚するs, she too placed an armchair for herself, she too sat 負かす／撃墜する and began to gaze at me. A dark foreboding 抑圧するd my soul, but I was 権力のない to turn my 直面する away, and I was 軍隊d to take to myself the insolent gaze of my 競争相手. The hours went by, the 影をつくる／尾行するs began to 落ちる. Neither of us lighted a lamp. The glass of the mirror 微光d faintly in the 不明瞭. The reflections had become scarcely 明白な, but the self-reliant 注目する，もくろむs gazed with their former strength. I felt neither terror nor ill-will, as on other days, but 簡単に an intolerable anguish and a bitter consciousness that I was in the 力／強力にする of another. Time swam away and on its tide I also swam into infinity, into a 黒人／ボイコット expanse of powerlessness and 欠如（する） of will.

Suddenly she, that other, the 反映するd woman, got up from her 議長，司会を務める. I trembled all over at this 侮辱. But something invincible, something 軍隊ing me from within compelled me also to stand up. The woman in the mirror took a step 今後. I did the same. The woman in the mirror stretched 前へ／外へ her 武器. I did so too. Looking straight at me with hypnotising and 命令（する）ing 注目する，もくろむs, she moved 今後 and I 前進するd to 会合，会う her. And it was strange--with all the horror of my position, with all my hate に向かって my 競争相手, there ぱたぱたするd somewhere in the depths of my soul a painful なぐさみ, a secret joy--to enter at last into that mysterious world into which I had gazed from my childhood and which up till now had remained inaccessible to me. At moments I hardly knew which of us was 製図／抽選 the other に向かって herself, she me or I her, whether she was eager to 占領する my place or whether I had 工夫するd all this struggle in order to 追い出す her.

But when, moving 今後, my 禁止（する）d touched hers on the glass I turned やめる pale with repugnance. And she took my 手渡す by 軍隊 and drew me still nearer to herself. My 手渡すs were 急落（する），激減（する）d into the mirror as into 燃やすing-icy water. The 冷淡な of the glass 侵入するd into my 団体／死体 with a horrible 苦痛, as if all the 原子s of my 存在 had changed their 相互の 関係. In another moment my 直面する bad touched the 直面する of my 競争相手, I saw her 注目する，もくろむs 権利 in 前線 of my own, I was transfused into her with a monstrous kiss. Everything 消えるd from me in a torment of 苦しむing unlike any other--and when I （機の）カム to my senses after this swoon I still saw in 前線 of me my own boudoir on which I gazed from out of the mirror. My 競争相手 stood before me and burst into laughter. And I--oh the cruelty of it! I who was dying with humiliation and 拷問 was 強いるd to laugh too, to repeat all her grimaces in a 勝利を得た joyful laugh. I had not yet 後継するd in considering my position when my 競争相手 suddenly turned 一連の会議、交渉／完成する, walked に向かって the door, 消えるd from my sight, and I at once fell into torpor, into 非，不，無-存在.

Then my life as a reflection began. It was a strange, half-conscious but mysteriously 甘い life.

There were many of us in this mirror, dark in soul, and slumbering of consciousness. We could not speak to one another, but we felt each other's proximity and loved one another. We could see nothing, we heard nothing 明確に, and our 存在 was like the enfeeblement that comes from 存在 unable to breathe. Only when a 存在 from the world of men approached the mirror, we, suddenly taking up his form, could look 前へ／外へ into the world, could distinguish 発言する／表明するs, and breathe a 十分な breath. I think that the life of the dead is like that--a 薄暗い consciousness of one's ego, a 混乱させるd memory of the past and an oppressive 願望（する） to be incarnated もう一度 even if only for a moment, to see, to hear, to speak... And each of us 心にいだくd and 隠すd a secret dream--to 解放する／自由な one's self, to find for one's self a new 団体／死体, to go out into the world of constancy and steadfastness.

During the first days I felt myself 絶対 unhappy in my new position. I still knew nothing, understood nothing. I took the form of my 競争相手 submissively and unthinkingly when she （機の）カム 近づく the mirror and began to jeer at me. And she did this 公正に／かなり often. It afforded her 広大な／多数の／重要な delight to flaunt her vitality before me, her reality. She would sit 負かす／撃墜する and 軍隊 me also to sit 負かす／撃墜する, stand up and exult as she saw me stand, wave her 武器 about, dance, 軍隊 me to repeat her movements, and burst out laughing and continue to laugh so that I should have to laugh too. She would shriek 侮辱ing words in my 直面する and I could make no answer to them. She would 脅す me with her 握りこぶし and mock at my 軍隊d repetition of the gesture. She would turn her 支援する on me and I, losing sight, losing features, would become conscious of the shame of the half-存在 left to me... And then suddenly, with one blow she would whirl the mirror 一連の会議、交渉／完成する on its axle and with the oscillation throw me 完全に into nonentity.

Little by little, however, the 侮辱s and humiliations awoke a consciousness in me. I realised that my 競争相手 was now living my life, wearing my dresses, 存在 considered as my husband's wife, and 占領するing my place in the world. Then there grew up in my soul a feeling of hate and a かわき for vengeance, like two fiery flowers. I began 激しく to 悪口を言う／悪態 myself for having, by my 証拠不十分 or my 犯罪の curiosity, 許すd her to 征服する／打ち勝つ me. I arrived at the 有罪の判決 that this adventuress would never have 勝利d over me if I myself had not 補佐官d her in her wiles.

And so, as I became more familiar with some of the 条件s of my new 存在, I 解決するd to continue with her the same fight which she had carried on with me. If she, a 影をつくる／尾行する, could 占領する the place of a real woman, was it possible that I, a human 存在, and only 一時的に a 影をつくる／尾行する, should not be stronger than a phantom?

I began from a very long way off. At first I pretended that the mockery of my 競争相手 tormented me やめる unbearably. I purposely afforded her all the satisfaction of victory. I 刺激するd in her the secret instinct of the executioner throwing himself upon his helpless 犠牲者. She gave herself up to this bait. She was attracted by this game with me. She put 前へ／外へ the wings of her imagination and thought out new 裁判，公判s for me. She 招待するd thousands of wiles to show me over and over again that I was only a reflection, that I had no life of my own. いつかs she played on the piano in 前線 of me, 拷問ing me by the soundlessness of my world. いつかs, seated before the mirror she would drink in tiny sips my favourite liqueurs, 説得力のある me only to pretend that I also was drinking them. いつかs, at length, she would bring into my boudoir people whom I hated, and before my 直面する she would 許す them to kiss her 団体／死体, letting them think that they were kissing me. And afterwards when we were alone she would burst into a malicious and 勝利を得た laugh. But this laugh did not 負傷させる me at all; there was sweetness in its keenness: my 期待 of 復讐!

Unnoticeably, in the hours of her 侮辱s to me, I would accustom my 競争相手 to look me in the 注目する，もくろむs and I would 徐々に overpower her gaze. Soon at my will I could already 軍隊 her to raise and lower her eyelids and make this and that movement of the 直面する. I had already begun to 勝利 though I hid my feeling under a mask of 苦しむing. Strength of soul grew up within me and I began to dare to lay 命令（する）s upon my enemy: Today you shall do so-and-so, to-day you shall go to such-and-such a place, to-morrow you shall come to me at such a time. And she would fulfil them. I entangled her soul in the 逮捕するs of my 願望（する）s woven together with a strong thread in which I held her soul, and I 内密に rejoiced when I noticed my success. When one day, in the hour of her laughter, she suddenly caught on my lips a 勝利を得た smile which I was unable to hide, it was already too late. She 急ぐd out of the room in a fury, but as I fell into the sleep of my nonentity I knew that she would return, knew that she would 服従させる／提出する to me. And a rapture of victory 噴出するd out over my involuntary 欠如（する） of strength, piercing with a rainbow 軸 of light the gloom of my seeming death.

She did return! She （機の）カム up to me in 怒り／怒る and terror, shrieked to me, 脅すd me. But I was 命令（する）ing her to do it. And she was 強いるd to 服従させる／提出する. Then began the game of a cat with a mouse. At any time I could have cast her 支援する into the depths of the glass and come 前へ／外へ myself again into sounding and hard actuality. But I 延期するd to do this. It was 甘い to me to indulge in 非，不，無-存在 いつかs. It was 甘い to me to intoxicate myself with the 可能性.

At last (this is strange, is it not?) there suddenly was 誘発するd in me a pity for my 競争相手, for my enemy, for my executioner. Everything in her was something of my own, and it was dreadful for me to drag her 前へ／外へ from the realities of life and turn her into a phantom. I hesitated and dared not do it, I put if off from day to day, I did not know myself what I 手配中の，お尋ね者 and what I dreaded.

And suddenly on a （疑いを）晴らす spring day men （機の）カム into the boudoir with planks and axes. There was no life in me, I lay in the voluptuousness of torpor, but without seeing them I knew they were there. The men began to busy themselves 近づく the mirror which was my universe. And one after another the souls who lived in it with me were awakened and took transparent flesh in the form of reflections. A dreadful uneasiness agitated my slumbering soul. With a presentiment of horror, a presentiment even of irretrievable 廃虚, I gathered together all the might of my will.

What 成果／努力s it cost me to struggle against the lassitude of half-存在! So living people いつかs struggle with a nightmare, 涙／ほころびing themselves from its 窒息させるing 禁止（する）d に向かって actuality.

I concentrated all the 軍隊 of my suggestion into a 召喚するs, directed に向かって her, に向かって my 競争相手--'Come hither!' I hypnotised her, magnetised her with all the 緊張 of my half-slumbering will. There was little time. The mirror had already begun to swing. They were already 準備するing to nail it up in a 木造の 棺, to take it away: whither I knew not. And with an almost mortal 成果／努力 I called again and again, 'Come!' And I suddenly began to feel that I was coming to life. She, my enemy, opened the door, and （機の）カム to 会合，会う me, pale, half-dead, in answer to my call, with 滞るing steps as men go to 罰. I fastened my 注目する，もくろむs on hers, bound up my gaze with hers, and when I had done this I knew already that I had 伸び（る）d the victory.

I at once compelled her to send the men out of the room. She submitted without even making an 試みる／企てる to …に反対する me. We were alone together once more. To 延期する was no longer possible.

And I could not bring myself to 許す her craftiness. In her place, in my time, I should have 行為／法令／行動するd さもなければ. Now I ordered her, without pity, to come to 会合，会う me. A moan of 拷問 opened her lips, her 注目する，もくろむs 広げるd as before a phantom, but she （機の）カム, trembling, 落ちるing--she （機の）カム. I also went 今後 to 会合，会う her, lips curving triumphantly, 注目する，もくろむs wide open with joy, swaying in an intoxicating rapture. Again our 手渡すs touched each other's, again our lips （機の）カム 近づく together, and we fell each into the other, 燃やすing with the indescribable 苦痛 of bodily 交流. In another moment I was already in 前線 of the mirror, my breast filled itself with 空気／公表する, I cried out loudly and victoriously and fell just here, in 前線 of the pier-glass, 傾向がある from exhaustion.

My husband and the servants ran に向かって me. I could only tell them to fulfil my previous orders and take the mirror away, out of the house, at once. That was wisely thought, wasn't it?

You see she, that other, might have 利益（をあげる）d by my 証拠不十分 in the first minutes of my return to life, and by a desperate 強襲，強姦 might have tried to ひったくる the victory from my 手渡すs. Sending the mirror out of the house, I could 確実にする my own quietude for a long time, as long as I liked, and my 競争相手 had earned such a 罰 for her cunning. I 敗北・負かすd her with her own 道具s, with the blade which she herself had raised against me.

After having given this order I lost consciousness. They laid me on my bed. A doctor was called in. I was 扱う／治療するd as 苦しむing from a nervous fever. For a long while my 親族s had thought me ill, and not normal. In the first 爆発 of exultation I told them all that had happened to me. My stories only 増加するd their 疑惑s. They sent me to a home for the mentally afflicted, and I am there now. All my 存在, I agree, is profoundly shaken. But I do not want to stay here. I am eager to return to the joys of life, to all the countless 楽しみs which are accessible to a living human 存在. I have been 奪うd of them too long.

Besides--shall I say it?--there is one thing which I am bound to do as soon as possible. I せねばならない have no 疑問 that I am this I. But all the same, whenever I begin to think of her who is 拘留するd in my mirror I begin to be 掴むd by a strange hesitation. What if the real I--is there?

Then I myself who think this, I who 令状 this, I--am a 影をつくる／尾行する, I--am a phantom, I--am a reflection. In me are only the 注ぐd 前へ／外へ remembrances, thoughts and feelings of that other, the real person. And, in reality, I am thrown into the depths of the mirror in nonentity, I am pining, exhausted, dying. I know, I almost know that this is not true. But ーするために 分散させる the last clouds of 疑問, I ought again once more, for the last time, to see that mirror. I must look into it once more to be 納得させるd, that there--is the ペテン師, my enemy, she who played my part for some months. I shall see this and all the 混乱 of my soul will pass away, and I shall again be 解放する／自由な from care--有望な, happy. Where is this mirror? Where shall I find it? I must, I must once more look into its depths!

THE END

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