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肩書を与える: Here's Another Author: Lennie Lower * A 事業／計画（する） Gutenberg of Australia eBook * eBook No.: 0100301h.html Language: English Date first 地位，任命するd: May 2015 Most 最近の update: May 2015 事業／計画（する） Gutenberg of Australia eBooks are created from printed 版s which are in the public domain in Australia, unless a copyright notice is 含むd. We do NOT keep any eBooks in 同意／服従 with a particular paper 版. Copyright 法律s are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the copyright 法律s for your country before downloading or redistributing this とじ込み／提出する. This eBook is made 利用できる at no cost and with almost no 制限s どれでも. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the 条件 of the 事業／計画（する） Gutenberg Australia Licence which may be 見解（をとる）d online.
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There was a man 指名するd Thomas. There 一般に is. His surname was Thomas, and his Christian 指名する was Thomas, so his 十分な 指名する was Thomas Thomas.
This is very peculiar.
Thomas's family tree had been ringbarked at his father's death, for Thomas was not married, and he was the last 子孫 of an honorable family. It looked as if the family could not descend any その上の.
His father died in very romantic circumstances. He sprained his ankle in Macquarie Street, and a young doctor, seeing him 落ちる, ordered him into hospital and operated on him for appendicitis, so 首尾よく, that he died a 殉教者 to science.
On his father's death, Thomas became an 孤児, because his mother had died some months before he was born. He 卒業生（する）d as an 孤児 やめる easily.
Thanks to the commonsense 法律s of this country, all that was necessary for him to become a qualified 孤児 was that both, or all, of his parents should be dead.
Poor Thomas was cast out into the cruel world to earn his own living. No one can realise the horrors of this unless they have had to earn their own living themselves, so it is no use trying to explain.
It was a bit hot on him, 存在 cast out into the world, though.
With 涙／ほころびs in his 注目する，もくろむs he watched the landlord kick the door in and 掴む the furniture his poor old mother had made when she was a girl. Sadly he locked the landlord in, and 始める，決める 解雇する／砲火／射撃 to the house, and then started out for the 冷淡な, hard city.
He had nothing, not even a cat. Not a 独房監禁 bell （死傷者）数d him to come 支援する and be a Lord 市長.
Going along the road, he struck a kindhearted 運転者, who gave him a 解除する. Or, rather, the 運転者 struck him. He was 解除するd about eight feet.
He continued on his way, and at last, after many vicissitudes too 非常に／多数の to について言及する, entered the city on his 手渡すs and 膝s.
As he was はうing along in the gutter, a big man in a モーター car sliced his ear off with the mudguard, and then, pulling up, 迎える／歓迎するd him with a hearty laugh.
"I can see by your 態度," he said, "that you are looking for work. You look 哀れな enough to work for 事実上 nothing.
"I might 雇う you.
"How long is it since you've had a meal?"
"Three weeks," said Thomas.
That was a 嘘（をつく）, as he had only been without food for two weeks. Which just shows you the low cunning of some people.
But the 肉親，親類d gentleman did not 嫌疑者，容疑者／疑う that he was 存在 課すd upon, and he smiled and gently patted Thomas with his foot.
"Hang on to the spare tyre of my car," he said. "I will take you with me."
And so Thomas arrived at the ancestral halls of the 肉親，親類d gentleman, luxuriously hanging on to the spare tyre.
The 肉親，親類d gentleman, who was a retired alderman and very 豊富な, 許すd him to sleep in the garage, and at first he was bewildered by the 高級な which surrounded him, but after a while he got used to it and became more 精製するd.
Thomas 進歩d 速く in his master's 好意, and after a few months he was doing all the 職業s about the place, and the master was able to 解雇（する） all the servants, 含むing the chauffeur, gardener and the confidential 長官.
Thomas was an ambitious young man, and at 3 a.m., after he had finished his work, he spent the two hours of leisure remaining to him, not in sleep, but in 熟考する／考慮する.
He 熟考する／考慮するd so hard that soon he knew the past form of every horse in the 明言する／公表する.
Then the devil tempted him. He embezzled 40 続けざまに猛撃するs of the 肉親，親類d gentleman's money and went to the races.
The same 運命／宿命 overtook him as has overtook many another who has 注意するd Satan's promptings.
He won 4000 続けざまに猛撃するs.
Returning to his place of 雇用, he 強襲，強姦d the 肉親，親類d gentleman who had befriended him. The 肉親，親類d gentleman never 回復するd, and, although the police were a bit 怪しげな, they never did anything to Thomas, as a man with 20,000 続けざまに猛撃するs (it was a three-day race 会合) would never do such a thing. At least that is what the police thought, but then the police are very dense いつかs.
Sir Thomas (for such he was by this time) soon became known far and wide for his good 作品, and there were more special 調査s held on his doings than any other gentleman in the land. His 指名する became a 世帯 word and many people were 逮捕（する）d for 説 the word in public.
But Sir Thomas died. Strange to say, died in an even more romantic way than father. 運動ing his car one day, he had been chasing a 歩行者, and at last, tiring of the sport, he ran over him.
The 歩行者 had a 瓶／封じ込める in his pocket.
The tyre burst, and Sir Thomas was flung out of the car with such 軍隊 that he spread all over the 塀で囲む of a nearby building.
When the horrified bystanders 捨てるd him off, he was dead.
So ended the last of the Thomases.
Let this story be a lesson to you, gentle and somewhat dull reader. No 事柄 what people may say, no 事柄 how you are tempted—never be an 孤児.
What's a bath between friends? Nothing but a hollow porcelain 分割. Who invented baths? Some dirty cow.
ONLY dirty people bathe, as the Prophet hath said. Those who are not dirty, and yet bathe, do it out of pure flashness.
These thoughts are engendered by the 最近の 法律 制定するd by the Home 大臣 of Poland, wherein it is 制定するd (we like "wherein it is 制定するd"; it has a partly gold watch-chained, bald-長，率いるd sound about it) that every 政治家 must bathe at least once a month.
Those under 10 and over 60 are 免除された, also those 所有するing their own bathrooms, which, it is 推定するd, are used.
Bathrooms in Poland are 十分な 証拠 in a 事例／患者 of Rex v. Perspiration.
Some 類似の 活動／戦闘 is needed in Australia. Such as:—
行為／法令／行動する 79B, sub-section K2, Z1, relating to bathing of 団体／死体s: "Be it heretofor 反して'd that inasmuch & so to speak, any person or persons turning on にわか雨s between or about the months of May, June, July, & standing 近づく shaving 閣僚s, 井戸／弁護士席 away from にわか雨s, & 説, 'Br-r-r-r!' & singing 'Annie Laurie' afterward coming out of bathroom, or rooms, & 説 that there is nothing like a 冷淡な にわか雨 to freshen one up, shall be 罰金d a 最大限 of 10 続けざまに猛撃するs or a fortnight. God Save King."
This will be one of the planks of the new Ruination Party, of which we have the honour of 存在 大統領，／社長.
Any man who does more than bathe his 注目する，もくろむs in this 天候 should be in a 修道院. And, anyhow, what advantage has the bather?
He comes from his 冷淡な にわか雨, blue, numb, speechless. At his office he says, "My word, the にわか雨 was 冷淡な this morning!"
And the man who wiped his 注目する，もくろむs on a wet sponge says, "One of the toughest surfs I've experienced this winter. All the Icebergs agreed."
Let there be 調印するs put up in all bathrooms 類似の to those on さまざまな beaches, "Any person bathing here does so at his own 危険."
S.O.S.: Not, Shiver Our 肌s—but Save Our Soap.
Men have been known to slip on a cake of soap and break their necks.
Be 警告するd.
About bread. Bread is a large number of small 穴を開けるs 完全に surrounded by bread.
A SIMPLE recipe for using it is to lay 負かす／撃墜する a slice and put butter on 最高の，を越す of same. This makes a palatable dish if you have the butter.
The price of flour—one of the 成分s of bread—has gone 負かす／撃墜する. The price of bread has not gone 負かす／撃墜する. There is, of course, a 推論する／理由. We can't see it. But—
Bread-cart horses are eating more now than they did. Yeast has shown a decided 傾向 to rise, and the Viennese tradesmen engaged in making the swipes on 最高の，を越す of Vienna loaves are 需要・要求するing more money.
Cottage loaves have shown a decided 落ちるing off, on account of the operatives moving out of their cottages into flats.
On the whole, the 状況／情勢 is such that everyone should burst into 涙／ほころびs and tell their friends that the country is going to the dogs.
Speaking of recipes, a good one for damper is:—Take 1lb. flour, 1/2lb. baking 砕く, 3 eggs, 1 grated prawn, and 十分な scones for nine people.
Eat scones. 動かす 残りの人，物 井戸／弁護士席.
Keep stirring. These are stirring times.
The trout season is now open. This reminds us of fish. There is a lot of thrills to be got out of fishing, though not much fish. We once struggled for nearly half an hour with a salmon, which only 重さを計るd about a 続けざまに猛撃する. The label was torn to pieces, and the tin was dented in two places before we got him.
There are other ways of getting fish, even more strenuous.
激しく揺する fishing, for instance. We don't recommend it unless you get paid by the hour. A man might waste half a トン of 激しく揺するs before he 攻撃する，衝突するs one fish.
Then there's 棒 fishing. All 権利 if you've got a good 注目する，もくろむ, and are a 公正に／かなり straight 発射 with the 棒.
Line fishing? 井戸／弁護士席, we know a fair 量 about line fishing.
We have a line.
Some of us 専門家s use a float instead of a sinker. We are not in favour of this. With a decent sinker, you at least have a chance of 素晴らしい the fish. Even if you don't catch the fish on the forehead with the sinker, there is always the 可能性 that the fish will swallow the thing, and die of lead 毒（薬）ing.
*
Dynamiting is unsportsmanlike and uneconomical.
The 手続き is to 軍隊 the dynamite 負かす／撃墜する the throat of the fish, and light the fuse. Throw the fish away and run like 炎s.
The only fault in this method is that it does not do the fish much good. It sort of 永久的に cures it of 存在 a fish.
At 深い-sea fishing we 収容する／認める we are not much good. We give up. 事柄 of fact, the giving up part is about all we know of 深い-sea fishing. Just throw the line over, if you've got the strength, and throw everything else after it.
For a man getting up in years, fishing for limpets is good, although inclined to be a bit monotonous.
*
But for those who cannot get の近くに to the sea, said he kindly-for those who are far from the roaring 深い (said roaring 原因（となる）d by the bass, the drummers, the wails, and the trumpeters, besides all the other fish with 内部の 組織／臓器s), a little silver-fishing is advised.
It is best done with two players. A small piece of carpet, 負担d with moth balls, is cast into the room or rooms. (始める，決める lines may be used.)
The silverfish 現れるs from its den, and claws gluttonishly at the moth balls. After some hours, it reclines, 満たすd, on the piece of carpet, and may be drawn gently to a given 位置／汚点／見つけ出す. It is here that the second player comes in. He engages the silverfish's attention with "The Village Blacksmith" or "The 直面する on the 妨げる／法廷，弁護士業-room 床に打ち倒す."
*
The silverfish 支え（る）s its 長，率いる on one paw, and gazes in a dazed manner at the elocutionist.
The 長，率いる player then こそこそ動くs up behind it (the silverfish), 得る，とらえるs it by the throat, and the 残り／休憩（する） is not suitable for young readers.
We knew an 専門家 who, without bait, caught 105 silverfish in one night, 簡単に by reciting "Gungha Din."
They （機の）カム and gave themselves up in dozens.
There is very little more to be said about trout.
Like curry and custard, love and politics don't seem to go 井戸／弁護士席 together. I've tried the mixture and served it up to the wife, but it makes her sick. If the wife had any sense, which she hasn't, she'd listen to me, and agree with me, and even, perhaps, encourage me. But all she does is to say, "Here, shut up and 持つ／拘留する this," and I have to 持つ／拘留する it and shut up.
We go shopping every Friday night. She wastes my hard-earned money on groceries and throws the 小包s on to me as if I was a Thornycroft lorry. Then I buy a cigar, light it, and we walk about the town so people can see me smoking it. Last Friday night I was walking for three hours, nearly, before I saw anybody I knew. When I did see them the cigar had gone out, and I couldn't puff the thing at them. I had to content myself with waving it.
We look at shop windows: that is to say, she looks at them and I stand around. いつかs I manage to こそこそ動く past a hat shop, but most times I get dragged 支援する. She says, "That's a pretty cloche, dear!" A cloche is a hat.
I say, "Huh!"
"I wish we could afford a fur coat," she says, wistfully. "Even if it were only a coney."
"WE!" I say. "I like that! What the dickens could I do with a fur coat?"
"You never think of anyone but yourself !"
"Anyhow, think of the poor little coneys, stripped of their warm 肌s to make coats for us."
"Oh! I don't know how men can be so cruel!"
"They 涙／ほころび the little coneys from their mothers' bosoms and 肌 them alive."
"Good gracious!"
"In those circumstances you wouldn't care to have a coat made from their bleeding 肌s, would you?"
"Ar! You—!"
"Anyhow, if you had 投票（する）d at the last 選挙s instead of going to bed so I'd have to answer the door when the time-支払い（額） man called, you'd have had a fur coat by now."
"Would the Labor Party have 問題／発行するd us all with fur coats?"
"Arrgh!"
"You drag politics into everything. Last night, when you forgot to 勝利，勝つd the clock, you 非難するd the 国家の Party. You threw mother's parrot out because it looked like Bruce. As if a parrot could look like a man like that! Mr. Bruce is a handsome, he—"
"Have I nursed a viper in my bosom!"
"Don't you talk to me like that!"
"But listen, dear—"
"You needn't 'dear' me! I won't be vipered by anyone!"
"But I'm not vipering you, my dear, I'm just trying to point out —"
"Yes! If you did a bit more work and a little いっそう少なく pointing out I'd have a fur coat now instead of standing here like this, shivering in these rags. You and your politics! Here am I, slaving, working my fingers to the bone, trying to keep our 団体／死体s and souls together—"
"I can keep my own 団体／死体 together, thanks. And listen to me! If you think that politics have nothing to do with Friday night's shopping, that's where you're wrong for the first time in your life. Do you think you were given a 投票（する） so you could stay in bed and neglect the use of it? Don't you ever think? You're my better half, aren't you?"
"I reckon!"
"井戸／弁護士席, what the—is the use of only half of me 投票（する）ing? Can't you see how your neglect and apathy 影響する／感情 me?"
深い silence. I can see by the furrows in her brow that she is thinking. A good 調印する.
"If this country is mismanaged by a bad 政府, who 苦しむs? Me— Us, I mean. Can't you see the 関係 between groceries and 政府s, prices and politics?"
She scratches her nose and looks thoughtful. One thing about my wife she will listen to sense.
We get 近づく home, and I put in a parting 発射.
"Now, supposing a Labor 政府 got into 力／強力にする and 減ずるd the 関税 on fur coats—"
I pause for a moment to let it 沈む in.
"Len!"
"Yes, my love?"
I have evidently impressed her.
"Len, I never thought of it until now!"
"What, sweetness?"
"We've forgotten the beans!"
Beans!
When I got married, I made a 広大な／多数の／重要な mistake.
A かなりの number of Socialistic 改革者s 支持する the cultivation of class-consciousness.
Having recently had two winning days at the ponies, and 存在 now a 資本主義者, I cannot agree with them.
Noah was the first man to make the lion and the lamb sleep in the same bunk, and he, 存在 the forerunner of Inchcape and the only man to have a menagerie and a monopoly at the same time, is する権利を与えるd to some 尊敬（する）・点.
To 強調 the difference between a 資本主義者 and a 労働者 is to 強調 the difference between the former's income and the latter's.
Which is manifestly 不公平な.
Speaking as a 資本主義者, I would like it 公式文書，認めるd that while recognising the enormous 湾 which stretches between the ordinary 労働者 and the man of wealth who has had two successful days at the ponies, I still think that the gap should be 橋（渡しをする）d.
It would not take much 橋（渡しをする）ing, and with the 労働者 見解（をとる）ing life in the same way as the 資本主義者, it would not be long before he realised his 責任／義務s as a 労働者 and 中止するd to be discontented.
さまざまな 高度に-placed personages have 表明するd the opinion that at least one （期間が）わたる might be 延長するd across the 湾 if the working classes would only learn to speak with the same faultless diction as their masters.
A very good idea, and one that could be easily put into 操作／手術.
For the 目的s of 論証するing the 緩和する of it, we will 診察する its 操作／手術 on a member, say, of the building 貿易（する）.
The member of the building 貿易（する） is 捜し出すing a 職業. He approaches the foreman.
除去するing his hat, he says: "容赦 me, old chap; but I am 捜し出すing 雇用. If I can be of any 援助 to you in the furtherance of your designs, I would be delighted to 充てる my time to your service at the usual 率."
Sounds jolly, doesn't it?
Much better than, "Anything doin', Joe?"
You see the idea?
Then there is the 事柄 of dress. It would entail no hardship for a 売春婦d-運送／保菌者 to come to work decently attired.
The spats and morning coat could be 除去するd when 開始するing work, and the silk hat stowed away in the tucker box. It would, of course, be necessary to wear gloves while working, but, then, all 道具s 存在 fitted with ivory 扱うs, the wear and 涙／ほころび would not be so very 広大な／多数の／重要な.
And the social 味方する must not be neglected. It would be a simple and courteous gesture of 歓待 if the 迫撃砲-mixers were "At Home" on Saturday afternoons to the brick-層s. The 売春婦d-運送／保菌者s could give a little soiree for the plasterers, and the foreman could be made the guest of 栄誉（を受ける） at the tea-boys' coming out party, and so on.
Everything would be nice and sociable, and the 請負業者 and owner of the building would have no hesitation in 招待するing a select number of 精製するd 労働者s to 会合，会う the architect and ride out on the Ford lorry.
儀礼 need not stop at these little social events. It can and should be practised all the time.
Little thoughtful 活動／戦闘s, like bringing flowers to the foreman, and perhaps an 時折の cigar for the 雇用者, all help to sweeten life and keep the social amenities 井戸／弁護士席 oiled.
Going その上の, concerts could be held in the lunch interval.
In the presence of good, 精製するd music, classconsciousness is sunk, and the 労働者 is elevated by the Muse to the level of his superiors.
And that is just what we want. まとまり of 見通し, the 労働者 seeing 注目する，もくろむ to 注目する，もくろむ with the 資本主義者, and 抑制するing from 不当な requests for higher 給料.
井戸／弁護士席, then, the concert!
Operatic music is good, but 存在 sung mostly in a foreign language, it 欠如（する）s the 質 of sympathy that 貯蔵所d the classes together.
Songs such as "We're Here Because We're Here" and "米，稲 McGinty's Goat" are, of course, impossible. What we want, then, is suitable English words 始める，決める to operatic music.
I'll try and show you what I mean.
We will suppose it is lunch time. Gentlemen engaged on the 職業 are sitting, chatting idly, discussing personalities and the 最新の 副／悪徳行為-Regal 歓迎会.
The foreman waves his baton, and the concert 開始するs.
Something like this:
Bricklayers: "Oh! The bally old bricks we jolly 井戸／弁護士席 lay."
売春婦d-運送／保菌者s: "Too true, they jolly 井戸／弁護士席 lay them!"
Bricklayers: "We lay them neatly—just this way" (論証するing).
雇用者s, Foremen, etc.: "And we have to jolly 井戸／弁護士席 支払う／賃金 them!"
Chorus:
迫撃砲-mixers: "Oh! We mix, mix, mix!"
Bricklayers: "And we lay, lay, lay!"
売春婦d-運送／保菌者s: "And we 売春婦d, 売春婦d, 売春婦d!"
雇用者s, etc.: "And we 支払う／賃金, 支払う／賃金, 支払う／賃金!"
And so it goes on.
Now just think what an enormous difference this would make!
The refinement! The good feeling and fellowship! It would be a ありふれた occurrence for two 売春婦d-運送／保菌者s to pause at the foot of a ladder and 屈服する, murmuring at the same time, "After you, sir!"
Isn't this much better than 断言するing at the foreman, and trying to 減少（する） a brick on the boss?
Of course it is.
井戸／弁護士席, go to it. Attaboy!
I, myself, having had two good days at the ponies—I think I have について言及するd this before—but what I mean to say is that I'd like to see you 労働者s drag yourselves up to my level and 減少（する） all this class-conscious stuff.
On the other 手渡す, if you wait till after the next pony 会合, I may be with you. In which 事例／患者 the gap will be 橋（渡しをする）d by a punt!
存在 an Heroic 試みる／企てる at an Explanation
A rudimentary knowledge of banking and banks does not やむを得ず 暗示する the 所有／入手 of a bank balance. One might as 井戸／弁護士席 需要・要求する that anti-vivisectionists be partly vivisected so that they may 支援する their 反感 with personal and 激烈な／緊急の experience.
My actual experience in the 事柄 of banking is such that if all the 公式文書，認めるs I had banked were placed end to end they would reach...
What's the lineal 手段 for 原子?
While in my callow 青年, and spurred on by the 猛烈な／残忍な pangs of love, I banked ten shillings. Two days later I reluctantly withdrew it, and my account was の近くにd forever. If Sunday had not 介入するd I might have had it out earlier.
This rambling explanation is ーするつもりであるd, not so much as an 陳謝, as a proof that one needn't have money in the bank to have an 利益／興味 in banks. All 権利 then.
Small metal 記念品s of some intrinsic value and colored （土地などの）細長い一片s of paper—which, in the middle of the Sahara 砂漠, could only be prized in so far as their artistic 長所 控訴，上告d—are money.
Money is a means of 容易にするing 交流.
That is to say, the 所有／入手 of a poundnote saves you the trouble of carrying five hundredweight of home-grown potatoes 負かす／撃墜する to Anthony Horderns' when you wish to buy a pair of boots.
Likewise, the 会・原則 of the 通貨の system 妨げるs the boss from 支払う／賃金ing you in alarm clocks.
The first man to become 豊富な 蓄積するd his hoard very slowly. Finding himself with a 黒字／過剰 of pumpkins, he swopped a few of them with neighbors in 隣接するing 洞穴s, for 石／投石する clubs 耐える—肌s, and whatnot.
Nature 追求するd its relentless course and foisted more pumpkins on to him. By degrees he 蓄積するd an enormous 在庫／株 of 耐える 肌s, etcetera, 同様に as pumpkins.
（機の）カム a 干ばつ or an 地震. We forget now which it was. The 耐えるs died off in hundreds. For want of a 料金d of pumpkin the stoneclub 製造者 was too weak to make 石／投石する clubs.
(This is where we deviate a little from historical 正確, for the sake of the analogy.)
The 干ばつ or the 地震 緩和するd off, and Nature took up her 重荷（を負わせる） of making 耐えるs.
But things were very bad.
One day a man （機の）カム to the 洞穴 of the pumpkin millionaire.
"Look here," he said, in his simple, straightforward way. "I've got an idea for growing woad 工場／植物s. There'll be a big 需要・要求する for woad presently, and it's a 広大な／多数の／重要な proposition."
"井戸／弁護士席?" queried the 豊富な one languidly. "What about it?"
"I'm broke," answered the other. "Will you 財政／金融 me?"
"What 安全 have you?"
"井戸／弁護士席, I've an 広範囲にわたる 洞穴, fur-lined throughout, in a good 防御の position, 解放する／自由な from pterodactyls; also four wives, two 存在 事実上 new and the other two so 完全に domesticated that they grovel every time I raise my club. I should say the lot was 価値（がある） about 100 石／投石する clubs or 300 pumpkins at the 現在の 率 of 交流."
"H'm! How much do you want?"
"Eighty clubs should be 十分な to put my woad 農園 on a working basis."
They went into 詳細（に述べる）s. At last the pumpkinaire, after 納得させるing himself that there was a good 需要・要求する for woad, that the ーするつもりであるing borrower was a hard 労働者, and that he knew all about woad, decided to 財政／金融 him. He accordingly 財政／金融d him with fifty clubs, taking the hundred club's 価値（がある） of 洞穴 and wives as a 安全.
At the end of the year the borrower was to return sixty clubs for the fifty lent.
The woad 農園 got under way, and that was that.
Men in 隣接するing 洞穴s heard of the 企業ing woad planter's success, and （機の）カム in droves to the 洞穴 of the pumpkinaire. If he fancied their 事業／計画（する）s and liked their 安全, he 財政／金融d them.
Now, this is where the funny part comes in.
Everybody knew that the pumpkinaire was 豊富な, and one day a man （機の）カム to borrow thirty 耐える 肌s, as he was 変えるing his 洞穴 into flats. And the pumpkinaire didn't have a 肌 in the place.
This is what he did.
He said: "Take this smooth, 石／投石する with the funny 示す on it to the fellow over the river. Tell him to give you thirty 耐える 肌s, and when he returns that 石／投石する to me I'll 支払う／賃金 him."
The fellow did as he was told.
Said the man over the river: "It's a bit unusual, but I know the pumpkinaire. He is a man of wealth. He always 支払う／賃金s up. This 石／投石する is 価値（がある） thirty 耐える 肌s any old day in the week!"
It worked, you see, and the pumpkinaire thought 深く，強烈に on the 事柄. He began to see that it was only a 事柄 of a big 評判, a few 石／投石するs, and 約束 on the part of the stoneholders.
The 石／投石する （機の）カム 支援する; the pumpkinaire paid up, and lent the 石／投石する out again. It 循環させるd. People began to know that it was 価値（がある） thirty 耐える 肌s.
The pumpkinaire got more 石／投石するs, and 示すd them with his 私的な 示す. The day （機の）カム when he had 3000 pumpkins' 価値（がある） of 石／投石するs in 循環／発行部数 and only 500 pumpkins. It made no difference. People believed in him.
Behold, the first bank.
Now, let us consider. If in his 切望 to 得る，とらえる the 銀行業者 made 1000 石／投石するs when the total value of all the goods in the community was only 500 石／投石するs, he inflated the 通貨. The 石／投石する that was supposed to be 価値（がある） 30 耐える 肌s would only be 価値（がある） 15 耐える 肌s.
The money wealth of the community would be 1000 石／投石するs.
The real wealth would be 500 石／投石するs' 価値（がある） of goods and 500 石／投石するs' 価値（がある） of 約束 (or belief in the 銀行業者's ability to 支払う／賃金).
所有するd of only 500 石／投石するs' 価値（がある） of real wealth, the community has to 支払う／賃金 支援する to the 銀行業者 1000 石／投石するs, 加える 利益／興味. (Be 患者. It's dreadfully difficult to keep from getting 絡まるd up.)
Now you can see that with its measly 500 石／投石するs the community will have to work like mad, twice as hard as they ought, to 支払う／賃金 支援する the 銀行業者's thousand.
You can see that people are going to economise in all directions. You can see how the slaves will be put on short rations. You can see the 失業 coming.
You can see why, when we borrow abroad, 誓約（する）ing the horny 手渡すs of Australia as 安全, we must 支払う／賃金 支援する in gold or 特権s.
We must 支払う／賃金 支援する in something 有形の—not 約束-公式文書，認めるs.
You can see that 5,000,000 American dollars is—or is supposed to be—5,000,000 dollars' 価値（がある） of American goods. We may do what we like with the money, buy English goods if we like, but sooner or later, by the simple 過程 of 交流, that money must go 支援する to America. And in America that five million 代表するs five millions' 価値（がある） of goods.
We don't borrow money; we borrow goods.
Wiping the sweat off our 注目する，もくろむ-shade we pause for breath, and 収容する／認める that we have bitten off more than we can chew.
Banking is a big 支配する, and stretchs as far beyond the 範囲 of this article as a verbatim 報告（する）／憶測 of the 訴訟／進行s at the Tower of Babel.
Like trying to put your pet 鯨 in a glass bowl to fraternise with the gold-fish.
But stop 元気づける. We 港／避難所't finished yet. Sorry.
We would just like to point out the 可能性s, the ramifications and the 力／強力にする of banks and 銀行業者s.
We would like to point out that the 商売／仕事 of banking is something that 影響する／感情s you—even if you 港／避難所't got a "crab" to your 指名する.
You can see that the big 銀行業者s can 促進する 産業, or put the ブレーキs on it 簡単に by giving or 保留するing 貸付金s.
You can see that they are the Master Minds behind the 資本主義者.
You can see that they 持つ／拘留する us in the hollow of their 手渡すs.
Do you see the necessity for 政府 支配（する）／統制する of banking?
We have a PLAN. Before we go any その上の, it would be best, perhaps, to give a rough explanation of our 通貨の 状況／情勢, 特に where it touches our 会計の fiduciaries.
No. Maybe we hadn't better...
Our 計画（する） is really the introduction of a practical 通貨 based on the experience of a life-time.
We 提案する to have printed 公式文書，認めるs of さまざまな denominations and sizes.
The nineteen and elevenpence three farthings 公式文書，認める will be about 12 インチs square and suitable for use at millinery sales.
The 37/6, or 搭乗 House, 公式文書，認める will be a little larger, so that the boarder, having paid the landlady with it, the landlady may then 包む the boarder's lunch in it.
From there we go to the 5 続けざまに猛撃する, 10 続けざまに猛撃する, and 20 続けざまに猛撃する 問題／発行するs, which will be of 対応して larger size, enabling one to 包む up larger 小包s.
We have another 有望な idea for keyholeshaped coins. These would be 特に useful after hours. The trouble would be to get keyhole-形態／調整d 瓶／封じ込めるs. We'd probably bring in an 大きくするd Keyholes (改正) 行為／法令／行動する.
All this is 詳細（に述べる）.
概して, the Lower 計画（する） consists in printing some tens of millions of five 続けざまに猛撃する 公式文書，認めるs and 分配するing two to each of the 全住民. Of course, they would be 価値（がある） only about 5/—each but that would be 10/-, anyhow; and who is in need of ten shillings?
STAND BACK! The 計画（する） hasn't started yet.
But is it any good! Mais, oui!
Lost in the wilds of the Botanic Gardens! Heavens, shall we ever forget it! The last human 直面する we saw was that of Matthew Flinders, the 広大な／多数の／重要な explorer.
We got in with a few Anzacs last night, and we forget how we got into the Gardens, but, believe us, it's terrible. Instructive, but terrible.
Nothing to drink but goldfish.
瓶／封じ込める-trees dotted about the place, and we had no opener. Naked men and women standing on square white-washed 激しく揺するs. All dumb!
We wandered up to a signboard, thinking to read, "Ten miles to..." and saw there, "Please do not walk on the grass 国境s."
餓死するing, 事実上, we climbed a coconut tree for food and 設立する it was a date tree without any dates on it.
We （機の）カム to a tree 示すd "Dysoxolum." We thought—we KNEW—how sox were dyed—but what shall it 利益（をあげる） a man if he lose himself in the Gardens?
We （機の）カム to where the tortoise slept, and knocked on his 爆撃する. Like all the 残り／休憩（する） of our friends, he was in, but he didn't answer.
夜明け 設立する us clawing at the 前線 of the Herbarium, shrieking hysterically for just a little thyme.
The keeper who 設立する us said that everything was all 権利 and this was the way out. We don't know what became of the others.
Probably their 団体／死体s will be 設立する in the bandstand and identified by their pawn tickets.
The Anzacs certainly were, and still are, a 堅い （人が）群がる.
We will never go into the Gardens again without wearing all our メダルs and two 身元確認，身分証明 レコードs.
It's always best to carry a spare on Anzac night.
Music Week 開始するs to-day.
Why is music weak? Because it's always in 妨げる／法廷，弁護士業s. (Roars of 賞賛.)
HUNDREDS of conductors baton on the music 産業. Thousands of 失業した musicians roam the city and 郊外s, blowing trumpets. Tens of thousands of collectors roam with them, shaking collection boxes.
The only way these men can get beef is to cornet. (Angry murmurs from gallery.)
The 大臣 for Education has said that "A country without music is uncivilised."
You are 招待するd to 明らかにする your savage breast and have it soothed with a mouth-組織／臓器 単独の. We don't want to harp on this but—let it bassoon. (Sorry.)
There will be a concertina Town Hall one night this week, accordion to programme. (Shrieks of "Want our money Bach!")
The greatest epicures of our times, who have put up all the best epics so far, have been fond of music.
Amy Johnson flute England. Consider Bradman's baton. (Oh, viol!) Kingsford Smith's 計画（する）.
These are cymbals of 業績／成就.
The Crematorium of Music, in doing its best to foster a love of music, will enable us all to sing "God Save the King" with 熱烈な fervor at the 結論 of recitals, and gasps of 救済 on exitting from classical concerts will be emitted in a much more musical manner than here.
We, before leaving you, would 示唆する that perhaps some little 改良 might be 影響d in our songs.
For instance: "Come to dinner. Come to dinner. Hear the bell! Bacon and potatoes, etc."
Much better would be, "Come to Dinner," and so on, "Porterhouse steak and mushrooms, with a quart of McEwans, 黒人／ボイコット coffee, with lemon, etc."
Let us finish this thing 適切な:
DOH RAY ME FAH SO LAY TEE DOH KAY UM TOO PHUT AM WHOA!
Good.
The masonry of the Town Hall is not on the square. The place is now in such a dangerous 条件 借りがあるing to 爆破ing 操作／手術s that aldermen are 厳粛に 関心d. The portico is 割れ目d. The tower is 割れ目d. The aldermen are...going to discuss the 事柄 to-day.
The City Engineer says that "the 条件 is 予定 to fretting of the stonework." And city ratepayers will feel a 確かな 量 of sympathy with the stonework.
本人自身で, we have never seen a stonework, although we know a brickworks, but, anyhow, the history of the Town Hall is very 利益／興味ing.
Mr. ツバメ Carrick, who has been Lord 市長's 整然とした for the past 150 years, was discovered by 知事 Bligh, standing on the 位置／汚点／見つけ出す where now stands the Town Hall.
So 大いに did the 知事 admire Mr. Carrick's uniform that he 原因（となる）d the Town Hall to be built around him.
The 解除する is 価値（がある） a visit. 初めは built for a green Mexican parrot, it was left on the 手渡すs of the 市民の 当局 when the bird suddenly developed cirrhosis of the beak, and passed away 全員一致で.
The perch was 除去するd, and the old cage 変えるd into a 解除する, into which it is possible to （人が）群がる two 乗客s and the driver, or the driver and one alderman.
All this, as we said before, is very 利益／興味ing, and it would, indeed, be a pity to see this historic structure 衝突，墜落 to the ground while the 会議 was in 開会／開廷／会期, without first 除去するing Mr. Carrick and the 解除する, and locking all 出口s.
Please do not walk an the grass 国境s.
Butchers shut up their chops yesterday and went to a picnic. It's about time they had a （一定の）期間.
IT'S time the abattoirs had a （一定の）期間, too, only they're so hard to （一定の）期間.
It was yesterday we were sent for a 続けざまに猛撃する of steak, and given 1/8, and we had to get six-pennorth of ham instead—the change was ours.
The butchers had their picnic just for the change. That's the only 推論する／理由 we ever volunteer to go to the butchers'. Just for the change.
You get 利益／興味d in butchers when they butcher to a lot of trouble.
How many of us know one 厚板 of steak from another? There are the bladebone steaks, porterhouse steaks, Adrian Knox 火刑／賭けるs, Cantala 火刑／賭けるs, and kid-火刑／賭けるs, which you only dish up as a last 資源.
Take chops. A chop is 単に a steak with a bone in it. If a sausage had a backbone and a bulging forehead, it would be a chop.
Dare say there are any number of sausages taking correspondence courses, hoping to become chops.
A butcher, 腎臓s wife, may be a high 肝臓, but he lives によれば his lights; it's a heart life.
Sheep's 長，率いる cannot be 設立する on the atlas, and altogether, the butcher is worthy of his steal.
Any man who takes a holiday now is mad; but a butcher, his 職業 is skewer.
説 which, he fell on his gherkins and abandoned the butchering 商売／仕事.
Which was only 会合，会う.
Recomember! The butcher was the man who put the "laughter" into "虐殺（する）."
Let him get 厚い on his hollow-day.
Healthy 黒人／ボイコット snakes of 4 feet 6 インチs or over will be paid for by the Taronga Park Trustees. This, によれば the "Sun," is "a chance for our 失業した."
It seems to us also that there will be より小数の 失業した after they have finished with the snakes.
Or, we may yet hear whisperings in the lounge of the Hotel Australia, "Yes, they say he made his money 完全に out of snakes."
We 協議するd 議会s' encyclopaedia and learned that a snake has no 脚s, but travels by means of its 規模s. Which is 堅い on the Tramway Department.
The adder is sum snake. It has no eyelids, but sees out of its snaked 注目する，もくろむ.
It may 利益／興味 the 失業した to learn that the 女性（の） snake is larger than the male, and the male cannot be stretched except in 事例／患者s where it gets away. Then you can say anything.
The viper is a ユダヤ人の snake closely 連合した to the pen-viper, and the dish-viper. It sheds its 肌 twice a year, but no one can find the shed.
The 黒人／ボイコット snake is 黒人／ボイコット, and may easily be told, although it is 部分的に／不公平に deaf. In catching the 黒人／ボイコット snake, しっかり掴む it 堅固に behind the 支援する of the ears, and ahead of the squirm. Should it bite, on no account bite it 支援する, as snakes are poisonous.
It is far better, if bitten, to rub the snake with permanganate of potash, at the same time tying a ligature between the snake and the bitten 部分. This method only fails on occasions.
Now a parting word. 手段 the snake carefully before catching it. If it is いっそう少なく than 4 feet 6 インチs long, don't waste your time.
Small snakes may be charmed with a tin whistle. 黒人／ボイコット snakes need a jazz 禁止（する）d.
Remember your geometry. A straight line is the shortest distance between a snake and some other place.
It was 2.30 a.m.
The 夜盗，押し込み強盗 paused outside the window, jemmy in 手渡す. A light filtered through the drawn blind, but it was the dull mumbling from within that held him hesitant for some minutes.
THEN he very gently, very expertly, opened the window. A 厳しい, stilted 発言する／表明する said, "Bradman's 得点する／非難する／２０ now stands at 301."
Five people were hunched about the loud （衆議院の）議長. Father, mother, two sons, and a daughter. The 床に打ち倒す was littered with half-burnt cigarette ends and dead matches. One of the younger men was dotting 負かす／撃墜する Bradman's 攻撃する，衝突するs on the 支援する of a player roll which was already half unrolled.
"McCabe cover-drove another for two," carked the loud （衆議院の）議長.
"Who's bowling?" said the 夜盗，押し込み強盗 excitedly, stepping into the room.
"Larwood," said the whole family, without looking up.
"Goodo!" exclaimed the 夜盗，押し込み強盗.
Searching the house, he packed up the most portable 価値のあるs and was looking for more when a loud, harmonious groan （機の）カム from around the loud （衆議院の）議長.
"Wot's up!" he cried, 急ぐing in. "Is 'e out?"
"Clean bowled by that beast Larwood," sobbed the mother, dabbing her 注目する，もくろむs with her handkerchief.
"That's the 前線 door," said the father. "Someone answer it."
No one answered it. "Tate bowling," said the announcer.
"I suppose I'll 'ave to go," 不平（をいう）d the 夜盗，押し込み強盗. A 叫び声をあげる （機の）カム from the room as he opened the door.
"What's wrong here?" said the policeman 厳しく.
"Richardson's out for one!" murmured the 夜盗，押し込み強盗 in a hoarse 発言する／表明する.
"My God!" exclaimed the policeman, 急ぐing in.
And at 3.45 a.m., the blear-注目する，もくろむd family dragged itself to bed, the policeman, nervously gazing about for the sergeant, went 支援する to his （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域, and the 夜盗，押し込み強盗 went home, having forgotten his 略奪する.
"Any'ow," he muttered, as he climbed wearily into his bed. "I don't care. Five 'undred and sixty-six is goin' to take some catchin'."
With a 確かな 量 of disrespect we have been asked to 令状 something about hoboes, an account of a hoboes' college 存在 discovered in America.
We have been unable to find out whether this means that we have to become autobiographical (autobigraphical, autobigraphical, autobiographical, it wasn't a fluke) about it.
Delving into the remains of our 広大な experience, we are able to 知らせる you that hoboes are people who fling themselves on to freight trains in a desperate 試みる／企てる to escape work, and, having arrived at a town, knock on its door and 誇る that they have not had a 料金d for nine 連続した years.
"肉親，親類d lady," you say, "could you lend me a piece of hard, 乾燥した，日照りの, mouldy, hopeless bread to eat with this roast turkey?"
The lady bursts into 涙／ほころびs, and you 申し込む／申し出 to chop some 支持を得ようと努めるd, having some pride left, and こそこそ動く off and pawn the axe.
Occasionally a hobo 落ちるs on evil times. Last year we were out of work we had the bad luck to have the husband answer the door.
Automatically we said: "We have a wife and five children. Our wife got out of work and was unable to support us. Accordingly, we left home, and am now 餓死するing. If we had a trombone, we'd play it at you. All we ask of you is a crust."
His 注目する，もくろむs glittered. "Go 負かす／撃墜する to the 道具-shed and I'll こそこそ動く something out to you. I'm just 支援する from my honeymoon."
We waited expectantly. Presently he （機の）カム. He had taken us literally. In his 手渡す was the crustiest crust we've ever 見解（をとる）d.
He の近くにd the door, and his 手渡す 下落するs into his pocket. "Eat this," he said, as he thrust a 黒人／ボイコット piece of charcoal at us. We took it, turned it over, smelt it, and our sombre 注目する，もくろむs questioned him.
"Fillet steak," he growled. "Annabelle's first 試みる／企てる."
When I looked up again he was wolfing the crust.
肉親，親類d lady, I want a 職業.
The 大統領 of the Housewives' 協会 says that she does not believe in cocktail drinking, and could, if necessary, produce a drink with a "kick" in it, from fruit.
ANTICIPATING, we have 発展させるd a few recipes to 控訴 all tastes.
BANANA FLUTTER.—Take one 白人指導者べったりの東洋人, slice, and put into glass. Take half a coconut and （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域 it into a stiff froth. Mix briskly and serve. The "kick" is 得るd by standing on one foot on the 肌 of the 白人指導者べったりの東洋人 and leaning 今後 while 注ぐing the drink 負かす／撃墜する the 支援する of the neck.
Then we have the FLYING MULE.
Take half-dozen raspberries, 存在 careful to 除去する the seeds, also the sound. Mash lightly with 大打撃を与える. Mix with little ice-water, and 追加する seeds slowly, one at a time, until you are so thirsty that you'd drink anything. Now take a red-hot nail, and 下落する it smartly into the mixture, 除去するing it almost すぐに. Drink nail.
THE WATERMELON WHOOPEE.—Take one large watermelon, 削減（する） in half. Hollow out one half and place contents in wash-水盤／入り江. Save seeds from other half. Place in wash-水盤／入り江 one small cup of gramophone needles, half-pint of sulphuric 酸性の. Drink before 底（に届く） 落ちるs out of wash—水盤／入り江.
A 類似の mixture is the HANGOVER BLUES. The watermelon is put into the washbasin as before, but covered with 鎮圧するd ice. The hollowed-out 部分 is then ４半期/4分の1-filled with 鎮圧するd ice and placed over the 長，率いる, taking care to pull it 井戸／弁護士席 負かす／撃墜する over the forehead. The 直面する is then laid gently in the wash-水盤／入り江.
It will be seen from the above recipes that the uses of fruit as a drink are 事実上 制限のない. その上に, most fruit is 十分な of ビタミンs.
These need not worry the hostess, however, as they can easily be （悪事，秘密などを）発見するd by the small 穴を開けるs in the outside of the 肌, and this part can be 削減（する） out.
And don't forget—all these drinks have a kick.
The careful hostess should 警告する her guests of this danger.
The perfect 職業 has been 設立する. Keep your seats, all the positions have been filled, and 143,000 国民s were killed in the 急ぐ.
The Dortmund Physiological 学校／設ける has on its 給料 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる） fifty 労働者s, who, in the 原因（となる） of science, are engaged in drinking beer. That is all they have to do. The scientists of the 会・原則 then 実験（する）, the 支配するs for 疲労，（軍の）雑役, etcetera.
This must be very jolly for the scientists. We should imagine that the first 実験（する） would be to take a piece of the 患者's, breath and 削減（する） it into slices small enough to go into a 実験（する） tube.
We have a friend who frequently goes home to be 診察するd by a select 委員会 of one.
The first question put to the 患者 is, "OH, so you're home?"
To this the 患者 does not reply, thus showing a remarkable degree of 知能. We have gathered together a fair 量 of data on the 支配する, and perhaps it would be best to 目録 the reactions.
(1) Goes into bathroom and looks at self in mirror.
(2) Locks bathroom door and searches pockets.
(3) Looks at 冷淡な にわか雨, shudders, washes 直面する.
(4) Makes bed on couch. Sleeps. The morning symptoms are perhaps best left out, 存在 a bit too technical.
We shall 単に 発言／述べる that a new excuse is now on. You can go home and say that you are a 殉教者 to science.
利益／興味d as we are in 科学の 調査, we 示唆する that this country should co-operate with the Dortmund 学校／設ける, thus 前進するing science and giving 雇用, if possible, to millions.
Then we might have the spectacle of a gentleman wrenching himself from the しっかり掴む of the police, and 説, "Exshuse me, conshtable! I am 大（公）使館員d to the shtaff of the Redfern 学校／設ける...HIC!"
The constable would then apologise and こそこそ動く off, blushing.
速度(を上げる） the day.
Nobleman, 48 (bonafide), 捜し出すs, v.m., Lady, intell., charm, 有能な 持つ／拘留するing position in society. HOLTS.
THIS is a chuck in for some lady. Last time we were a nobleman we felt the need of some companion, not only intell. and charm, and 有能な of 持つ／拘留するing a position.
Hemmed in by butlers, surrounded by footmen, we had only to 圧力（をかける） a bell, and in the servants' ４半期/4分の1 they would say, "He's 圧力（をかける）ing the bell. Let us all hide."
We would then 嘘（をつく） in our sumptuous bed, on our palatial pillow, and gnaw our moustaches. Leaping out of our four-poster after a suitable interval, we would then yell for the groom. "GROOM! Catch me a horse! I have obesity, therefore the horse must have 演習."
The groom would touch his forelock in a pathetic manner, and get us a horse.
We would then get into our riding boots, go out, and have a look at the horse, and say to one of the faithful retainers, "Ride it."
We would then go 支援する to bed.
We would （犯罪の）一味 the bell once more, 説 to the valet, "Bring me a glass of rum with an emerald in it, and a dish of prawns."
This バタフライ 存在 soon 土台を崩すd our 憲法. So we married the lady from the 隣接するing manor.
Since then we have fallen from our high 広い地所. She couldn't 持つ／拘留する her position, 存在 解雇（する）d three times from さまざまな laundries.
That is my story, gentlemen. I wasn't always like this. Time was when I 棒 in me carriage.
But, stay! You were in the 55th 大隊! Spare me ninepence for a bed. Or a shilling, so that I may have soda. God bless you!
井戸／弁護士席, if you MUST know, we went to a 会合 of the Milk Board. And if you say another 区, we'll go out again.
WE went into the place and woke up one of the reporters at the 圧力（をかける） （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する. "It's about milk," he said, pathetically.
We had a look around—it was the least we could do. We saw 列／漕ぐ／騒動s of people sitting in 列／漕ぐ／騒動s of 議長，司会を務めるs. There was a 列／漕ぐ／騒動 of milk-boarders sitting at a long （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する.
There was a lot of 混乱させるd mumbling going on. So we went away.
And in the nearest barber's saloon we thought over this Milk Board and 再構成するd it.
There should be on the Milk Board, a distributor, a 消費者, and cow.
But let us take a look at this milk. It is a 厚い white 実体 with rum in it. Or it may be very shaken with vanilla in it; it depends on the cow who serves you.
There is no udder source of milk than the cow, which is an animal with two horns which it never toots.
Cream is separated from milk. That's why lots of householders should 告訴する for restitution of conjugal 儀式s, with the accent on the jug.
Butter is agitated cream. We can 非難する Russia for this.
The cow is the king of beasts, and may its chedder never grow いっそう少なく; but milk 存在 jugged, canned, and drunk, we fail to see how it can be respectably recommended.
Getting 支援する to the Milk Board 会合, we heard a dairyman say, "We cannot sell our milk at this price." And his 同僚s looked very 同情的な.
Having in mind the poultry 農業者 who has to lay his eggs on a small 利ざや, he had no sympathy from us.
But this Milk Board—we （一定の）期間 it milk bored. Who the heck (I have been told that I must not say h—l) cares about milk?
Spurred on by the successful debut of the first ユダヤ人の オペラ in Sydney, the Scottish community is working hard to arrange a Scotch オペラ.
There will be an orchestra of 50 bagpipes and 18 派手に宣伝するs. Twelve big 派手に宣伝するs and six bigger 派手に宣伝するs.
Admission tickets may be 購入（する）d on the lay-by or at the door.
The McGagget 一族／派閥 has 表明するd its 乗り気 to collect at the box office, and suitable first 援助（する） 施設s have been arranged for the 利益 of those people who try to get in 解放する／自由な. Promissory 公式文書，認めるs will not be 受託するd.
The story of the オペラ is woven 一連の会議、交渉／完成する a 反目，不和 between two old 一族／派閥s as to the 所有／入手 of a bent thruppence which was 設立する on the 国境 of the two 広い地所s.
The love motif would bring 涙／ほころびs to the 注目する，もくろむs of a deaf Chinese pugilist. The chieftan's daughter, who is sent to 毒（薬） the 競争相手 chieftan's son's haggis, 落ちるs in love with the man she is sent to destroy, because he has gold fillings in his teeth.
Sung by Maggle Macraggers, "Oh, Smile at Me Again" is touching enough to make an eiderdown mattress quack.
When the, 50 bagpipes and the 18 派手に宣伝するs join in the last tender passages, it would be scarcely possible to hear a pin 減少（する）, even if any one of the audience was careless enough to 減少（する） it.
The 最高潮 is reached when the 勝利を得た chieftan has to 持つ／拘留する the 論争d thruppence in his 手渡す and sing, "Bent But Not Broke."
In Glasgow, the 行う／開催する／段階 was 襲う while this scene was taking place. It is not known who got the thruppence.
A braw nicht will be had by all who have the money to 高く評価する／（相場などが）上がる an 優れた 業績／成果 given—no, not given—行う／開催する／段階d by that section of the community to whom we 借りがある so much, that is to say—to whom we could not 借りがある いっそう少なく.
The 干ばつ is at last broken. We felt this 干ばつ 熱心に. At Woollahra, our carnations were in a fearful 明言する／公表する. Our snapdragons were scarcely able to snap.
In the country they were running barely 25 prickly-pear 工場／植物s to the acre. We used to go out on our farm and look at our wheat, or it might have been sheep—it would depend where we were looking—and moan.
We tried to bring on the rain by going out without an umbrella or overcoat. But it was the country, not the city. We would 持つ／拘留する out our 手渡す and look up at the sky, and a bird would pass. That would be all.
Athwart, the 爆破d, blistered plain, the sheep died in long 整然とした 列／漕ぐ／騒動s. The little wheat 工場／植物s popped up, looked around, and popped 支援する. 廃虚 星／主役にするd us in the 直面する.
A 商業の traveller brought us a 瓶／封じ込める of water. The children raved about it. It tasted funny with a dash of whisky.
Then one day—Sunday, we think—the clouds gathered. The 雷 flashed. The 雷鳴 rolled. And the rain （機の）カム 負かす／撃墜する.
It was 広大な／多数の／重要な.
Four of our best cows were struck by 雷, and have been giving curdled milk ever since. Grandfather was 溺死するd in the creek.
All our sheep learned to swim. We had to put dishes under the 穴を開けるs in the roof; the barn blew over, and the reaper and binder got washed on to the pub verandah, five miles away.
In the morning we went out in boats and had a look at the wheat.
Given another 干ばつ to 乾燥した，日照りの things up, we'll be on the pig's 支援する.
It's a 広大な／多数の／重要な country if you don't get depressed.
It's marvellous the number of people who knew Don Bradman when he was a small boy in short trousers. We met だいたい 158 of them yesterday.
THEY told us: "I used to say to young Don, 'Don, you keep on the way you're going and some day you'll play for Australia.' I could SEE that the boy was a born batsman..." etc.
Plain bunk, that's all it is. Now when we knew young Don, WE used to say to him, "Don, my boy, you keep on the way you're going..."
As a 事柄 of fact, we told the trainguard about it, sitting in the 前線 seat on the way to Watson's Bay.
The driver nearly ran over four 歩行者s, and the conductor forgot to collect our fare, thus 許すing us a 利益（をあげる） of 5d.
We were in the 法廷，裁判所 the other day when the 殺害者 was asked if he had anything to say before 存在 宣告，判決d to death.
"Yes, 裁判官," he replied. "I think that Woodfull and Bradman are two of the greatest cricketers in history."
その結果 the whole 法廷，裁判所 元気づけるd madly, and he was let off with a 罰金, the solicitors waiving costs.
We even heard a rumour that members of the Union Club were kicking each other's hats around the billiard room.
There was a man 解雇（する）d yesterday from a large Sussex Street 倉庫／問屋, and, pausing at the door, he said: "Anyhow, I think we'll 勝利，勝つ this 実験（する）."
So the boss said: "Bring that man 支援する. He's got brains. We can't afford to lose men like that."
But it doesn't always work.
We got home pretty late last night, and thinking to get in first, said: "What do you think! Bradman's 215 umpty not out!"
"Who is this Bradman?" she said, and while we were 回復するing, "Anyhow, I don't wish to hear about your drunken friends. Two hundred and umpty not out! Why, YOU! You're only 30, and you're always out!"
What's a man to do with a woman like that?
Women have no sense of values.
In 事例／患者 we should be misunderstood, we should like to point out the horrible results of インフレーション, in the walk of life in which we are at 現在の 場内取引員／株価 time.
不明確な／無期限の 提案s in 言及／関連 to the prospects of インフレーション are 速く approaching the ludicrous.
Verisimilitude of perspicacity is lent to uncontrolled verbiage propagated by incomprehensibly improvident intellects that are manifestly rudimentarily insignificant.
Metaphorically enunciating, インフレーション is the hallucination of individuals who 捜し出す to 抽出する the oleaginous derivate of the lacteal fluid 直接／まっすぐに from the bovine quadruped without the 介入 of the necessary 過程 requisite 最初 to 得る the 根底となる 実体, viz., the lacteal fluid.
If 適する circumvention is not expeditiously promulgated, the machination of these Mephistophelian devastators must 必然的に 最高潮に達する in a cataclysmic cataclysm.
It's the open season for kangaroos, 'possums, and wallabies.
We understand that 'possum 肌s are the most 価値のある in the bush (and, speaking of bush, a bird in the 手渡す is 価値（がある） two in the bush, but this is not true of emus), the 'possum 肌s 存在 extensively worn by 流行の／上流の women.
They are also very popular with 'possums.
The usual method of 追跡（する）ing is to "moon" them. You get them silhouetted against the moon so that if you 行方不明になる the 'possum you've got a fair go at the moon.
We have not had much to do with kangaroos, although we once chased a kangaroo for miles. It bounded along for miles, and we ran for miles, and we caught it because it was out of bounds.
So far as our knowledge goes, the 種類 of kangaroo which 持つ／拘留するs up one 味方する of the 保護物，者 on a two-（頭が）ひょいと動く piece is 事実上 extinct.
This may be accounted for by the fact that the kangaroo is the only animal that carries anything in its pouch these days.
But we're 井戸／弁護士席 up in wallabies.
Wallabies were first discovered in Willoughby. It is said of 知事 Macquarie that when he first saw a wallaby he shrank 支援する in alarm.
He said to 知事 Bligh, who was 現在の at the time: "Willoughby 安全な!"
And it is 記録，記録的な／記録するd that Bligh replied: "Wallaby O.K. with me."
For 存在 a kleptomaniac, a man got three years, with 妨げる／法廷，弁護士業s, at the ４半期/4分の1 開会／開廷／会期s. The difference between a 夜盗，押し込み強盗 and a kleptomaniac is that one does it for a living and the other for a hobby.
THERE is no fouler collection of meat (apart from tinned dingo) than a klepto. He will take anything from a dose of castor oil to a day off.
Caught. 現行犯で in the 行為／法令／行動する of 耐えるing off a wheat silo, he will mumble that "a strange feeling" （機の）カム over him.
We feel a personal peevishness about this because of a 確かな packet of cigarettes which we accidentally 設立する in a coat that was hanging on an infrequently たびたび（訪れる）d nail.
The office klepto had deviously hidden himself in the wainscote, watching with small beady 注目する，もくろむs. We were robbed.
The unwritten 法律 of the 暗黒街 妨げるd us from 開始 our mouth. 事例／患者 of moral lockjaw.
These people have even been known to take a holiday, no mean feat, 示す you, even in these days of 施し物s. 目だつ 政治家，政治屋s have come to us 本人自身で, and said that they would "take steps to have the 事柄 修正するd."
We have pointed out the danger of taking steps. Explained that a man living eight feet from the street level can scarcely 工夫する a number of steps on the 刺激（する） of the moment. Steps taken—liable to break neck. 広大な／多数の／重要な social disadvantage. Kleptomania does not 支払う／賃金. What did we get on the boss's overcoat?
Young, which is a town and not a 条件, 報告（する）／憶測s that it has not had a real 解雇する／砲火／射撃 for the past twelve months.
THIS is a defect which could be easily 修正するd by anyone with the proper spirit, preferably methylated.
Having been a 消防士 for 11 years, we are in a position to 明言する／公表する that a 解雇する／砲火／射撃 is the worst thing that can happen to a 消防士.
Imagine yourself sitting behind three エースs and a pair of Jacks with 11/9 in the kitty and some 襲う，襲って強奪する phones about a 解雇する／砲火／射撃 in Oomble Street.
The engine you have been polishing every day for six months has to be brought out and has its polish 廃虚d.
We remember the time when a 解雇する／砲火／射撃 broke out in our 解雇する／砲火／射撃 駅／配置する and the 炎 was discovered just in time to 廃虚 everything by water.
Which was luck enough, but we couldn't have a sale.
We shall never forget the time when a gentleman said to the 旅団, "Vill you spray some vater on them ungetriddable socks. Othervise, ve'll never be able to get rid of 'em as わずかに 損失d by water."
It is untrue that a 消防士 takes his hat off with a tin-opener.
Firemen can get dressed in 30 seconds. This sounds a bit hurried, but imagine the long sleep they can have when they are taking their wives to the pictures.
After every 解雇する／砲火／射撃 a 消防士 hangs his 靴下／だます up, whether it's Christmas or not. We gave up 存在 a 消防士 some time ago.
For one thing, the suspense of waiting for no 解雇する／砲火／射撃s to happen 廃虚d our nervous system, and another thing, we got three 有罪の判決s for selling Police and Firemen's Art Union tickets within a hundred yards of a policeman who 手配中の，お尋ね者 to be 促進するd.
And another thing, nobody's going to tell us to go to 炎s.
"I started out to ride around the world on a bicycle in 1908. I left Melbourne with a penny in my pocket, and after working my way across Africa, England, and America, I arrived 支援する in Melbourne in 1914 with 4/6." Thus Mr. H. A. Tipper has just come to town with an assortment of bicycles.
WITH all 予定 尊敬（する）・点 to Mr. Tipper, we should like to relate how we started out with fourpence on four bicycles, went four times 一連の会議、交渉／完成する the world backwards, and （機の）カム 支援する 18/—in 負債.
Then there was the time we had eightpence and started off on eight bicycles—but we will not 疲れた／うんざりした you (Oh, NO!)
What we don't know about bicycles is known only to the bicycle itself. We have ridden bicycles 負かす／撃墜する till the spokes were mere stubs and the 扱う-妨げる／法廷，弁護士業s were dragging on the ground.
We started on a サイクロン (from "cycl," meaning cycle, and "one," meaning one—a one-wheeled bicycle). Then we invented the gravity-bike. This could be ridden 負かす／撃墜する-hill only.
However, it was not until we got to the モーター-cycle 行う／開催する／段階 that we really 栄えるd. At first they were 公正に／かなり popular, breaking 負かす／撃墜する in 公正に／かなり populous places, and thus enabling the rider to 陳列する，発揮する his vocabulary to the admiring populace.
Later we 追加するd 味方する-cars, 完全にする with cycles, which broke 負かす／撃墜する in the bush somewhere about Penrith.
Our real 勝利 was the bicycle wheel which spoke for itself.
Of course we innovated (a good word) the Spring seats. They were not much good in the Winter.
But we are afraid that in our enthusiasm we have wandered a little from the point.
Our suggestion is that, に引き続いて the lines of Mr. Tipper, the Treasurer start out with 7/6 on 120 bicycles and go 3000 times around the world and come 支援する with 十分な to 支払う／賃金 the 国家の 負債.
And even if he never （機の）カム 支援する...?
TUSH! What's a few bicycles?
広大な／多数の／重要な excitement was 原因（となる）d in Port Macquarie on Thursday night, when Mr. R. G. Davidson landed a 56 lb. jewfish from the verandah of his 住居, 直面するing the harbour.
Before retiring for the night, Mr. Davidson 始める，決める his bait, the alarm 存在 his little girl's money-box fastened to the line.
THIS is not the first jewfish to be landed with a money-box bait. Nor is it the first one to be caught from a harbour-味方する verandah.
We once baited a 始める，決める line with a money box, and the jewfish, an old depositor 重さを計るing 10st. 11lb., fell for it, and the verandah was 牽引するd 11 miles out to sea.
We shall never forget it. It was a rough night, and the horizon was 完全に obscured by the 長，率いる of the jewfish and a few clouds.
A few words passed between the haggard 乗組員 on the verandah. There was only one of us who knew how to steer a verandah. That was me.
"運ぶ／漁獲高 in on the awnings!" we shouted. "Belay the 茎 議長，司会を務める abaft!" This was done—and not a moment too soon. The fish turned and （機の）カム racing に向かって us.
"転換 the verandah about a mile and a half to the left!" we bellowed. Too late. The fish landed on the verandah, spat out the money-box, and said: "Me—with 35 続けざまに猛撃するs in the 政府 貯金 Bank and you 投げ上げる／ボディチェックする me a money-box with 1/9 in it!..."
We remembered no more until be 設立する ourself on the beach with a 発言する／表明する 説, "Drink this."
Oh, to hear that 発言する／表明する again!
It may sound absurd to you, but we can show you the place where it got away.
We are impressed by the puerility of the 成果／努力s of Messrs. Hagen and Kirkwood, professional golfers, who while travelling on the Aorangi, 攻撃する，衝突する 1000 ゴルフ balls into the ocean between Honolulu and Suva.
ANYONE who couldn't 攻撃する，衝突する a ball into the ocean would have to be paralysed in both 寺s. You couldn't かもしれない 行方不明になる it.
And yet these men are 支持する／優勝者 golfers! They must keep in practice, we 収容する／認める, but why not try something more difficult? In a long 冒険的な career, during which we have rung the bell four times at the 狙撃 gallery, gone 負かす／撃墜する four snakes in the Tasmanian All-comers' Ludo 選手権, and then won, won two aluminium saucepans on a chocolate wheel for a measly 支出 of 3 続けざまに猛撃するs 5 shillings—we have also 穴を開けるd out in one on the ゴルフ machine in the nearby hotel.
We know something about ゴルフ. The last time we practised on shipboard we put up a 記録，記録的な／記録する for the 巡航する. Taking our stymie 堅固に in both 手渡すs, we drove off from the 厳しい, a perfect （船に）燃料を積み込む／（軍）地下えんぺい壕 発射. It took us two to get into the first deck 議長，司会を務める. From there we unfortunately sliced into the for'ard lifeboat. But got out of it in five.
It took us 15 to get out of the stokehold after we had driven one into the funnel.
Understand that we are speaking in minutes all the time.
The 橋（渡しをする） of the Aorangi is difficult. Only by constant practice can one master it. It was on the fourth trip that we 穴を開けるd out in one.
But why go on with it?
(Echo answers 適切な.) 十分な to say that 非難する-stick ゴルフ, belting balls into the bosom of the boundless 深い, is no game for 支持する／優勝者s.
We ask Hagen and Kirkwood (or, in 事例／患者 we don't see them, you ask them) to think of the fish.
Ask them (Hagen or Kirkwood, or if you don't see Hagen, tell Kirkwood to ask Hagen) how would they like a dong in the gills with a ゴルフ ball?
We are getting a bit nervous about this agitation to 改訂する the lunacy 法律s. So far, we are still 捕まらないで, along with a lot of other people, but you never know.
A MAN who makes 法律s 説得力のある you to 投票（する） yourself into 悲惨, or be 罰金d 2 続けざまに猛撃するs, is 有能な of anything.
It is so hard to tell when a man has the bats.
The 尋問 method is not much good.
This sort of thing:
"Is your father sane?"
"Sayin' what?"
"I mean, is there any insanity in your family?"
"Our family has always been sanitary."
"Was your 広大な／多数の／重要な-grandmother a Moron?"
"No. She was a Presbyterian."...that sort of thing gets you nowhere.
活動／戦闘s count more than words. Only yesterday we met a friend who knew us 井戸／弁護士席, and we asked him for a 貸付金 of a tenner.
He said, "Certainly!" and gave it to us. We blanched with 恐れる, and しっかり掴むing the 公式文書，認める, hurried away.
We're going to 避ける that man for the 未来.
The surest way to discover a lunatic is to place before him his 所得税 査定／評価, his gas 法案, rent 法案, electric light 法案, etcetera.
If he leaps up and sings, "Happy Days Are Here Again!" and walks to the rathouse under his own 力／強力にする—he's sane.
If he sits 負かす／撃墜する, places his forehead in his 手渡す, and says, "Lor, I dunno what I'm going to do about this," and starts searching his pockets, he's raving mad, and should be given the 十分な 権利s of a 国民 of our glorious 連邦／共和国.
Almost any minute, now, we 推定する／予想する a big trek to Moree. The Prickly Pear 破壊 （売買）手数料，委託（する）／委員会／権限's （警察，軍隊などの）本部 are 存在 除去するd to Sydney, but 毒（薬） will be 分配するd from Moree Lands Office.
Not that we are 特に in need of 毒（薬） at the moment. The wife is making a crab savory for to-night.
It puzzles us why any 農業者 should want to 毒（薬） himself just because he has prickly pear. They must be a pretty weak-膝d lot.
There is nothing really wrong with prickly pear. It is a 静かな, home-loving vegetable with knobs on. Different if it went about the country 投げつけるing itself on to lonely travellers and prickling them to death.
It could be put to 商業の use. The prickles are useful for gramophone needles, and the leaves for 飛行機で行く-swatters, door-stops, or the ends of canoe paddles.
Strange why people すぐに 飛行機で行く to 毒（薬） when they get prickly pear. "自殺 while 一時的に paired," is a 判決 all too ありふれた in our 検死官's 法廷，裁判所. One reads on the tombstone:
"Here lies Martha and John Okus; The cactus cowed us, cooked us, and croaked us."
A bit sad, but after all, said he, throwing the gun 支援する into the drawer, perhaps the easier way out.
The time for 工場／植物ing cactus is about now.
The 毒（薬） may be 得るd from the Moree Lands Office.
Get cactus-conscious!
I have noticed with astonishment the 絶対の ignorance of bachelors in regard to the care of the young.
To begin at the beginning. It will be noticed in a fresh baby that it is of a pale, prawn-like colour, and is bald and toothless, 展示（する）ing all the 証拠s of senility. This is the usual thing and the minder is not to be alarmed.
The first thing noticeable about the baby is the yowl. This must be stopped at all costs. There are さまざまな methods, but the 原則 to keep in mind is—at all costs. Watches are very good; a 会社／堅い 持つ／拘留する must be kept on the chain, however, as I have on two occasions lost a petfectly good watch through the child swallowing it.
This mania for swallowing and sucking things may be indulged to an almost 制限のない extent. Door-knobs are excellent, though the 持つ／拘留するing of the baby to the knob is somewhat tiring.
This may be 打ち勝つ by unscrewing the hinges of the door and placing it in an accessible position.
Babies of an artistic nature, or of 事実上 any nature, may be left with a tin of stove-polish or a 瓶／封じ込める of red 署名／調印する or any other medium for an almost 不明確な／無期限の period.
In 事例／患者s of 執拗な howling, a belt passed over the 最高の，を越す of the 長，率いる and buckled securely under the chin is an infallible 治療（薬）. This must be used only in extreme 事例／患者s.
In 扱うing, care must be taken that the baby is held in a more or いっそう少なく vertical position, the 長，率いる 存在 uppermost. The child at times has a 傾向 to jerk from the 支えるもの／所有者, and in the 事例／患者 of a beginner this may lead to 悲惨な results. Sticking-plaster and other first-援助（する） 器具s will be 設立する very useful on these occasions, and a 供給（する） should always be kept on 手渡す.
Where a baby has to be held for any length of time, a short 宙返り飛行 of stout twine passed around the neck, and fastened to the wrist of the 支えるもの／所有者, will 妨げる 接触する with the 床に打ち倒す.
Never 許す a dog to lick the 直面する of a baby, as any number of 病気s may be communicated, and, in the 事例／患者 of a 価値のある dog, this is most serious, and may lead to its loss or, at best, a 落ちるing-off of 条件, and an absence of lustre in the coat.
On two or three occasions I have 設立する the 新規加入 of about one-third of a cupful of rum to the feeding milk very 効果的な. Only the best O.P. rum may be used, as babies are very delicately 構成するd internally. A better way is for the minder to have four or five cupfuls himself, when it will be 設立する that an 驚くべき／特命の／臨時の number of ways of amusing the child will 示唆する themselves.
Should the little one inadvertently eat anything it shouldn't, 完全に rinse or gargle the mouth with phenol, lysol, or any other good 消毒薬.
In undressing the baby for the 目的s of putting it to bed, bathing, etcetera, the beginner will find 広大な／多数の／重要な difficulty in undoing the 非常に／多数の buttons, tapes, and さまざまな other fastenings with which it is 攻撃するd.
An efficient and obvious method is to 挿入する a penknife between the 肌 and the 着せる／賦与するing and peel the 集まり off in one 操作／手術.
In bathing the child, never fill the bath 権利 up, as it is only in exceptional 事例／患者s that it will float. A 冷淡な にわか雨 and a きびきびした rub 負かす／撃墜する with a stiff towel will have an invigorating and tonic 影響.
In 結論, a little helpful advice to the unwilling minder will not be amiss. Should you have been 誘惑するd into minding a baby before, and wish to escape a second 需要・要求する, a 納得させるing excuse must be made. 宿泊する 会合s and 任命s, 商売／仕事 or さもなければ, are received with 疑惑. By far the best is the 声明 that you feel your diphtheria coming 支援する, and that you seem to be breaking out in funny red 位置／汚点／見つけ出すs all over the 団体／死体. This may be said in a conversational manner just as the request is about to be sprung. I have used this or something 類似の for some time now, and it has never failed yet.
Interviewed by our Exceptional 特派員, one of the losers of the 明言する／公表する 宝くじ was somewhat shy.
Asked what he ーするつもりであるd to do, the almost frantic loser said that he ーするつもりであるd to buy an hotel. It was his 意向 to buy it one beer at a time.
Mrs. K, of Lakemba, 収容する／認めるs that had an 8 been a 5 and the 31 been a 13, she would have been very の近くに to a 10/—prize.
Mr. L., of Maroubra, has decided to buy an orange and settle 負かす／撃墜する.
"I have always had a longing to travel," said the loser of the third prize. "I think I will take a trip around the bathroom." Mr. L. will be …を伴ってd by his son, Master M.
"I am very glad—not for myself alone—that our 企業連合（する） failed to draw a prize in the 宝くじ," said Mrs. J. "The losing of the prize delights me, as all the 残り／休憩（する） of the 企業連合（する） are very annoyed."
The general 合意 of opinion is that there is a 穴を開ける in the バーレル／樽, and that Mr. Whiddon is in the 支払う／賃金 of the Soviet 政府.
We are undone!
An スパイ／執行官 who has been circularising America and Canada for 加入者s to the N.S.W. 明言する／公表する 宝くじ, was asking two dollars a ticket, which is 13/4 in Australian money, at the 現在の 率 of 交流. Mr. Whiddon 通知するd the Police Department.
THIS is rather a dirty trick on ourself, as we have sold a ticket in Russia, and the 335,000,000,000,000 ルーブルs are now 存在 荷を降ろすd at Darling Harbor.
Not that it 事柄s such a 広大な／多数の／重要な 取引，協定 in this 事例／患者, because we have the ルーブルs, but we don't like to let our 顧客s 負かす／撃墜する. Take our German circular, for instance: "Investen inder Staten-housen 宝くじ blitzen. Firstun Prizen, 11 billion 示すs. Enclosen abouterung 2,000,000 示すs for tickethoff."
The 信用ing Teuton goes out into the 支援する yard, and 負担s the 先頭 with the 5/3. The ダンピング on to the トラックで運ぶs—the merry "Hello, you—scab!" of the wharf-労働者s; the strike of the stokers; the quaint old-world 詠唱する as they 勝利，勝つd up the cutlass, and heave the 錨，総合司会者, and away, away. All this stuff costs money.
We recently sent a ticket to Lisbon, 109 3/4 escudos to the 続けざまに猛撃する. If he 勝利，勝つs, how do we stand? This leather-肺d lotterier, as Mr. Theodore might say, does not give us スパイ／執行官s a fair go.
There can be 814 勝利者s in the 宝くじ. As for the other 99,186—we are willing to give same-day service.
All we ask is a fair go.
Barbers have been 名簿（に載せる）／表（にあげる）d in the American 国勢（人口）調査 under the 長，率いるing, "国内の and personal service."
THEY （人命などを）奪う，主張する that they are professional men, because they have to 熟考する／考慮する bacteriology, anatomy of the upper 団体／死体, histology of the hair and 肌, and 科学の 巧みな操作 of the muscles of the 長，率いる and 直面する.
Perhaps we shouldn't have について言及するd it, because it might start Australian barbers on the same path. They have to 熟考する／考慮する hard enough as it is, what with dandruff-divining, blackhead-stalking, elocution, racing form, meteorology, and that form of hypnosis by which they 納得させる you that if you don't have a shampoo they will not be 責任がある what happens to you.
We picture the time when the 患者 will be led into the barber's 外科 by a nurse and told to （土地などの）細長い一片.
The barber will then put him under the microscope, take his 血 圧力, 診察する his moustache for 調印するs of incipient タバコ-stains, and tell him that he せねばならない eat more green foods.
He will then 厳粛に 発表する that he has 診断するd the trouble as 進歩／革新的な hirsute growth on the 直面する, and that its 即座の 除去 is necessary.
The 顧客 will grow pale as death as they wheel him into the barber's saloon to be chloroformed.
The nurse will then 手渡す the barber his towels, soap, 小衝突, etcetera, and the 顧客 will come out of the anaesthetic—shaved.
And the barber will send his account along later on. Eh?
(No. We thought there was a catch in it.)
We knew we'd be 設立する out 結局. Lord Baden-Powell, on his 75th birthday, said that modern boys have いっそう少なく ambition than 以前は, and are inclined to self-indulgence and 高級な.
When we were a boy, 直面する us with a 捕らえる、獲得する of bulls' 注目する，もくろむs and a good place where they had green apricots and a 穴を開ける in the 盗品故買者, and our ambition got nebulous all over.
At school we were good at transitory verbs.
Algebra, on the other 手渡す, we regarded as a sort of mathematician's Esperanto.
Whether A 加える 2 equalled Y minus 1 left us still mending our catapult. Our 態度 toward A and Y was, "Let 'em."
That at 1066 p.m. William the 征服者／勝利者 landed in England—井戸／弁護士席, we were delighted to hear about it, so we bit a piece out of our pear, and put it 支援する under our desk. Our ambition at school was to spit さらに先に than anybody else in the 地区. So much for ambition.
高級なs? 井戸／弁護士席, one of the big boys had a girl's garter. We have since thought that his mother discarded it, and we were robbed. We bought it off him for 100 marbles and a three weeks' mortgage on our Sunday school money.
That was a long time ago. We have had real live pairs of them since, and now that we're getting old we いつかs sit 負かす／撃墜する and suck our 麻薬を吸う and wish that we had our marbles 支援する.
ANYHOW, if we had a son who didn't have an entire 欠如（する） of ambition at school, and was not 所有するd of an awful and 燃やすing 願望（する） for 高級な—we'd be looking at him with two 注目する，もくろむs 十分な of 疑惑.
Montreal, April 30.
A lion cub, which, with several other wild animals, was 存在 used for lecture and 展示 目的s at Whittier School, in Cincinnati, leaped upon Vivian Leichner, seven years, and 負傷させるd her 批判的に.
THIS reminds us of the time we went to school in Africa. We had a lion which 手配中の，お尋ね者 to be very much 大（公）使館員d to us. Wherever we went, the lion was sure to go. It followed us to school one day (we were always about three （競技場の）トラック一周s in 前線 of it), and we sooled it on to the teacher, who lectured to us about it.
"That, children, is a lion," he said, 粘着するing tightly to the school belfry.
"Yes, sir," we replied, from the 隣接するing roof.
"You have frequently read of the of the rolling 深い and the bounding main, upon which sailors profess 広大な／多数の／重要な 苦悩 to live.
"That, children, is the bounding mane...are there any sailors 現在の?
"No? Very 井戸／弁護士席. The animal you see before you is somewhat 類似の to a second-手渡す car, in that it cannot travel far without paws. The 肌, if of the lion, makes an excellent hearth-rug if the lion is emptied out of it.
"There is not a 広大な／多数の／重要な 取引，協定 of 貿易（する） done in lions; hunters usually shoot them and leave them where they 嘘（をつく）. Hence the 称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 'lion.' Now, children, are there any questions?"
"Yes, sir," we shrieked. "In 見解（をとる） of the 現在の 状況／情勢, may we have the 残り／休憩（する） of the day off?"
"Yes," he said, "the class may 解任する!"
No...the teacher was saved. The lion got killed in the 急ぐ.
To-day Wool Week begins, but just because you're wearing a woollen singlet you needn't look sheepish.
Wool is our greatest 製品 next to mutton. Woolgrowing is the laziest 占領／職業 in the world, as the sheep does all the growing part and the owner 単に goes out at intervals and 涙／ほころびs the wool off the sheep.
The 原始の method of 手渡す-plucking has long been out of date, but as yet no one has invented a fleece for sheep on the hook and 注目する，もくろむ 原則. Buttons along the 支援する of the sheep are 明白に impracticable. A man can't go chasing sheep about the place every time they lose a button.
For a long time we have been 支持するing the putting of red （土地などの）細長い一片s on each end of sheep ーするつもりであるd for making 一面に覆う／毛布s.
This would save putting them on later. The （土地などの）細長い一片s on 一面に覆う／毛布s are necessary, of course, so people will be able to tell the 最高の，を越す and 底（に届く） ends of the bed, and will not retire crossways.
Sheep frequently get tick, in which they are far superior to us, we 存在 unable to get it anywhere. They also get burrs (some of the sheep in Scotland are barely 理解できる). and dirt in the fleece.
This need not worry those ーするつもりであるing to buy a woollen singlet, as most of these foreign 団体／死体s are taken out of the singlet when it is made, and what few burrs are left occasion very little 不快 unless they happen to be under the armpits.
A wanderer in the wilds of Parramatta has returned with the 報告（する）／憶測 that a number of the 失業した 居住（者）s of the 地区 were 観察するd （人が）群がるing around five snails, which were はうing に向かって a cabbage leaf.
The betting was 述べるd as "frantic."
If it is to be 生き返らせるd, we should like to see this old sport put on a proper 地盤. Dirty 策略, like putting lime on the 跡をつける just 近づく the home turn, and （犯罪の）一味ing-in periwinkles, should not be 許容するd.
A glaring instance of roguery will be remembered by old-timers when the old Central Snailway was in 存在.
In a 障害（者） event, Slobber, a very poor performer, who had been brought 負かす／撃墜する from the country, was the medium of some 激しい 急落（する），激減（する）s, and romped home in 前線 of a classy field.
The stewards 設立する at the 調査 that Slobber's 爆撃する had been shaved 負かす／撃墜する, and the owner, trainer and snall were disqualified for life.
The Carbine of all snails was Greasy, who humped his 爆撃する, and half an ounce of chewing gum, over a fifty-yard course and finished in the remarkable time of 2 days 21 hours dead.
He was never any good after this 最高の 成果／努力.
A 不正に trained snail is a cow to play up at the 障壁, and keeping this in mind, it would be 井戸／弁護士席 for owners to have their snails trained from the time they are slugs.
To-morrow night the Violet League will 審議 in the lecture hall of the School of Arts the question, "Is the use of 訂正する English necessary?"
TO which we reply, too 注目する，もくろむs 権利, it is.
A man who can't 流出／こぼす a 宣告，判決 without 衝突，墜落ing on his aitches せねばならない be took away from where he is & have it learnt to him at a school.
Now a scholar what stretched his ear when he was a kid & listened—in all he knew, why, that boy will talk the perfectest English and get away with it.
Just the same, there's too much class distinction in English.
One bloke'll say, "I were going 負かす／撃墜する the road," & another puts him to 権利 and says, "You WAS going 負かす／撃墜する the road!"
And probably all the time, the man was telling lies & he never even seen the road. All me 注目する，もくろむ, that's what it is.
"I am going to eat an apple"; "You are going to eat an apple," and all that. I AINT going to eat a apple. I don't go much on apples.
Now, suppose you got a 割れ目 on the bugle from a cove, you wouldn't get up and say, "You have seen fit to 強襲，強姦 me, for no 明らかな 推論する／理由. I shall すぐに proceed to punish you as you deserve."
No. You'd just say, "権利! You cow!" & be into him.
We're in favour of proper English so long as it aint overdone, & having put the kybosh on the argument, we advise the Violet League to call off the dogs.
The 審議 is settled.
Some 会議s have 許すd 率-payers, by toiling in some 市民の capacity, to 削減（する） out accounts which they have no cash to 支払う／賃金. An 拡張 of this 計画／陰謀 would open up some 利益／興味ing 可能性s. —News Item.
IT would, too. If the 計画／陰謀 catches on, we are going to paint the outside of the Income 税金 Office to 削減（する） out our 所得税. If the idea becomes 流行の／上流の, public servants will have to 切り開く／タクシー／不正アクセス their way into their offices through 14 feet of solid paint.
All the 支持を得ようと努めるd-封鎖するs in the city could be taken up by ratepayers in arrears with their 率s, and laid 負かす／撃墜する by another ギャング（団） of ratepapers, 平等に in arrears.
This would not 原因（となる） 失業 の中で the road-menders, as the City 会議 would 涙／ほころび them up again straight away, によれば Immemorial custom.
We could even tend parks and gardens, although what a tree would look like after 11,000 taxpayers had had a go at trimming it we do not know.
We know that more than 11,000 are up a tree, but we have not seen the tree.
勧めるing in the 破産 法廷，裁判所 we are also willing to take on.
As for ourself, we are willing to 令状 前線-page articles about 郊外の aldermen, and what they think about the 明言する／公表する of the footpath in Fuchsia Street.
As a 事柄 of fact, we are even 用意が出来ている to collect our own fares on the trams, direct our own traffic, work off our dog license money by a 簡潔な／要約する （一定の）期間 In the Dogs' Home, and help to 支配（する）／統制する the 列s at the Labor Bureau ーするために save our 行う 税金.
We 反対する, however, helping move our time-支払い（額） furniture out of the home to save （強制）執行官's expenses.
There is a 限界 to everything.
A big mistake has been made by Albert Ross, of Jersey City, U.S.A.
HIS bride drew up 47 支配するs for their 相互の 指導／手引, which 支配するs 含むd everything from …に出席するing churth to the 分割 of salary.
Until he 調印するd, his wife 辞退するd to kiss him. Albert 辞退するd to 調印する, and the marriage was annulled.
We 調印するd. Anyone puts anything up to us and says, "調印する this!" we always 調印する it. It's most exciting. We never know whether we are going to have a time-支払い（額） gramophone 配達するd next day or a 封鎖する of land, or be 逮捕（する）d.
What we 調印するd was something about, "You will not walk on the carpet. You will not splash any water on the bathroom 床に打ち倒す when taking a にわか雨. You will 差し控える from sitting on the 辛勝する／優位 of the bed after it has been made.
"You will not touch the decanter, which is for the 訪問者s. You will not 燃やす 穴を開けるs in the lounge; you will not dirty my clean ash-trays; you will always wipe your muddy boots before you come in.
"You will not leave any doors open, or go about the place switching lights on and not switching them off.
"No throwing of 着せる／賦与するs all over the 床に打ち倒す when getting undressed, no taking the matches from the kitchen, no 存在 汚い to my mother: you will not encourage my brother to drink, and you will not be more than three-４半期/4分の1s of a minute late for dinner."
And, believe us, we have had more fun breaking those 支配するs than anything else you could think of. Only trouble is, we are running short of 支配するs.
詩（を作る） and Worse.
FRIENDS, typists, plumbers, clerks, Romans, 商業の travellers, and countrymen!
Whoever 勝利，勝つs the Melbourne Cup sweep today must 自然に be 嫌疑者，容疑者／疑うd.
We have not come here to bury Caesar, but to tell him a good thing.
Now that the autumn 病弱なs and summer fries Across the 広大な horizon on the beaches The people bake; 急ぐing, now, and ever and anon, To the pub to quench the かわき brought on By asking those who do not know, results Of races which they have no 利益／興味 in.
And who shall say them neigh? Not US, who, with half-dollars in the pool, Must, for our money's sake, 捜し出す the promoter lest he get away. And thus, five hundred miles away, in summer, As the blow 飛行機で行くs, 急速な／放蕩な 速度(を上げる）s the (v)策を弄する／(n)騎手 on his guarded steed.
In Melbourne...(Listen. We're getting sick of this. We are working under a 緊張する. We are in a half-栄冠を与える sweep and have drawn Tregilla.) And shall Tregilla die! (Cornish.) Fifty 機動力のある policemen can't be wrong! (Phar-Laplandish.)
Who knows where all this will end?
What will become of our half-栄冠を与える and your two （頭が）ひょいと動く?
Life's but a chequer-board of whites and bays,
And man's binoculars he glady pawns,
...But Abrahams, who 喜んで lays fives on the field,
He knows it all-he nose, he nose!
Anyhow, we have a bit each way. We have not yet paid in our half-dollar to the sweep promoter. Thus are the 運命／宿命s 妨害するd by human ingenuity.
Hoping you are the same...
We are perturbed at a 悪意のある move, moved by the Master Plumbers' and Sanitary Engineers' 協会.
The 協会 示唆するs that the populace should have a bath a day.
With the winter coming on!
Much better to be re-ducoed twice a year. It is a 井戸／弁護士席-known fact that we breathe through the pores of the 肌, which open and shut with monotonous regularity. How can a pore breathe under water?
Plumbers may come and sanitary 視察官s may go, but the pore we have always with us. (Classical quotation.)
Why should water be 注ぐd on the poor pore every day?
Consider soap. Stand 支援する a bit and have a look at it.
We know a man 指名するd Albert Fruggle, who got soap in his 注目する，もくろむ and was only just saved from going blind by a specialist, who recommended a course of 前線 seats at a revue. Even more 悲劇の was the 事例／患者 of Esteban Smith, who stood up to wash under his 膝s, slipped on the soap, and broke his neck on the tap.
(Poor old Esteban...but this is no time for grief.)
We について言及するd something about 悪意のある movements, earlier in the recitation. Get this into your skull:
There's going to be a civil war when the 支持者s of the Bath a Day movement start wearing badges with the letters "B.A.D." on them.
We 予知する political 激変s at the 貿易（する）s Hall when it is discovered that 信用d members have gone over to the B.A.D. section.
We do not wish to 原因（となる） alarm, but it seems to us that the bath a day suggestion is just the thin end of the wedge, which will lead on to a 冷淡な にわか雨 every morning.
We advise 警告を与える. Wet the 注目する，もくろむs with one end of a towel. Ruffle the hair. Come out of the bathroom, panting. In other words, be with the 穏健なs.
If you MUST sing. REMEMBER...sheet music.
You can sing it in bed.
We're sick of ゴルフ. We've never, played; but still, that doesn't 妨げる us from 存在 sick.
Sent to the Moore Park links yesterday morning to watch Jimmy Pike and partner play fellow (v)策を弄する／(n)騎手 Cook and friend.
They were a bit late, so we went away. Very lucky escape it was.
Do you know that it's nearly two miles around that course, and mostly 上りの／困難な? And that is as the crow 飛行機で行くs, 示す you. And we make bold to 主張する that even a crow would kick at all that 上りの／困難な stuff.
There's not a 独房監禁 tram on the course. If you want to go from one 穴を開ける to another, you've got to walk. You can't go wrong in believing us when we tell you that we were astonished.
We saw a few golfers wandering about the place while we were there. They wear their trousers tucked into their socks. We suppose this is on account of the grasshoppers. They carry a 捕らえる、獲得する of 道具s with them for the 目的 of hitting a ball into small 穴を開けるs which are bored in the ground by 人工的な means.
When two are playing together they have a ball each ーするために 妨げる quarelling.
The method of hitting the ball is simple. One selects, haphazard, one of the bats from the コンテナ. The next move is to arrange the 脚s 公正に／かなり wide apart, so that there is no 可能性 of 落ちるing over. The blunt 器具 is then 解除するd above the 長，率いる and the ball is struck. This counts one. Not once did we notice a player count it two. Which shows that these people are at least honest and have some sort of rough code of 倫理学.
Having struck the ball, the golfer then walks after it. Having caught up to it, he then strikes it again. This goes on 無期限に／不明確に.
We can see now that polo was invented by a golfer who woke up to himself.
We must reluctantly 収容する／認める that we cannot recommend the game of ゴルフ.
It has but one redeeming feature. We understand that when any player puts his ball into a 穴を開ける in one swipe, or "穴を開けるs out in one," as they quaintly put it, everybody すぐに gets drunk.
井戸／弁護士席, of course, that's something.
To sit on your own （競技場の）トラック一周! It seems an impossible feat. But that is what Ruth Chatterton does in "The 権利 to Love." She plays the daughter and mother. This 業績／成就 is 予定 to the Dunning 過程, a new and remarkable 発見.
S0 there you are. But do we stop there? No Science must march on.
We are now in the throes of discovering the Lower 過程, by means of which man will be enabled to take a running jump at himself.
What would his Neanderthal forefathers say to that?
その上に, the time is not far distant when Science will 認める to man the inestimable boon of 存在 able to bite himself on the 支援する of the neck at any hour of the day or night!
In our 研究室／実験室s—the very same one in which a young doctor, a 殉教者 to science, gave himself freckles ーするために 熟考する／考慮する the 影響s —in our 研究室／実験室s we are now 徐々に getting into 形態／調整 the 最高潮に達するing 勝利.
It is so big that we are almost afraid to give it to the world.
After years of 実験, we have almost perfected a 過程 whereby a man can go through his own pockets while he is asleep!
This will make man 事実上 self-含む／封じ込めるd and will do away with the necessity for marriage and probably 難破させる the social structure of our time.
But let there be no 狼狽. One must have a wife, because the machine will never be invented that can find your 支援する stud.
説 which, he strode thoughtfully 支援する to his 実験（する）-tubes.
The 声明s of Mrs. Annie Besant and Bishop Leadbeater, that they remember every one of their lives and reincarnations 権利 支援する to the time when they were slimy, lizard-like creatures, encourages us to make a few admissions of our own.
We were once a sponge cake.
We remember as if it was yesterday, lying there in that 先史の refreshment room for months and months and months; it might have been years.
Then （機の）カム our first reincarnation. We were taken 負かす／撃墜する, dusted, and put in の中で the 激しく揺する cakes. We forget 正確に／まさに how long after that we were 寄付するd to the soup kitchen.
From then on, our reincarnations were 早い. From a 激しく揺する cake we became an attack of indigestion, after, which we were a jelly-fish, a 政治家，政治屋, a vulture, and a rhinocerous.
改善するing all the time, you'll notice.
It was just when we had finished 存在 a rhinocerous that 複雑化s 始める，決める in. 運命／宿命 seemed 決めかねて whether it would make us a hip-bath or a sewing machine.
We finished up as a glugflobber, a rather curious animal which lives 単独で on bicycle-pumps and the 黒人／ボイコット 部分s of draught boards. Its only means of propulsion is to make a loud noise behind its own 支援する, thus 脅すing itself into taking a leap 今後.
Need we tell you of the さまざまな 行う／開催する／段階s we passed through? Of when we were a freedlupper, wheeling our ego in 前線 of us and spearing コンビナート／複合体s with our sharp-pointed inhibitions? No. We needn't.
But there is one thing we should like to explain. It is about the time when we were Lord Nelson. We did NOT put the telescope to our blind 注目する，もくろむ and say, "I see no signals."
We put the telescope to our good 注目する，もくろむ and said, "I see no (hic!) shignals." After this we got 適切に 発射, and as we fell to the deck Hardy bent over us and we said, "Hiccups, Hardy."
And Hardy, 誤解, kissed us.
We are now on our 現在の 計画（する）. It is only a 事柄 of time when we shall reach the pinnacle toward which civilisation has been 徐々に (1)偽造する／(2)徐々に進むing all these countless ages.
We shall become one of the 失業した.
And, on that 計画（する）, there is nothing but eternal 残り／休憩（する）.
"It would be 極端に 利益／興味ing to carry out 実験s by covering 気が狂って likely to 円熟した during the winter months with 捕らえる、獲得するs."
IT would be 利益／興味ing, but somewhat tedious, putting the little chaps into their 捕らえる、獲得するs. They're bound to grow out of them, and there's nothing looks more slovenly than a 白人指導者べったりの東洋人 with an ill-fitting 捕らえる、獲得する.
They look very chic in knitted bootees, but the question of expense must be considered.
It would be even more 利益／興味ing to put goloshes on potatoes during the 雨の season, while it would be 前向きに／確かに thrilling to fit the water-melons with 二塁打-breasted coats.
We have recently been concentrating on beans.
It will be remembered that we were the first beaniarist to produce the Scarlet 走者. We trained it to run so 急速な／放蕩な that snails dropped exhausted in its 跡をつけるs.
Perhaps in our zeal we overdid the thing. Our last 刈る had to be 選ぶd by bean pickers on モーター cycles.
We dabbled a little in 骨髄s last season, but the ants were so annoying we had to 爆発する the one we hollowed out for a garage. As a sideline we have been working on an odorless onion.
We have also 工場／植物d a tomato which has not yet come up. Everything points to success.
There is nothing more soul-粉々にするing than to discover that you are wearing two left boots.
We are moved to について言及する this because 行方不明になる Dorothy Brunton in yesterday's paper said that "One's 着せる／賦与するs 形態／調整 one's mental 見通し." Which is true. Look at the difference in mental 見通し when a man wears his collar 支援する to 前線!
Then again, notice when you're pulling your singlet off. For a moment you've got no 見通し at all.
Mind you, it's not only the 着せる／賦与するs. There's the manner of putting them on—carelessly or さもなければ.
A man who puts his arm through one arm-穴を開ける of his vest and his 脚 through the other, 関係 the sleeves of his coat around his waist, and wears his hat 一連の会議、交渉／完成する his neck for an amulet, shows a 確かな 量 of carelessness in his dress which would be noticeable in very 流行の／上流の company.
Then there is the little 事柄 of the socks matching the tie. This problem may easily be 打ち勝つ. When buying socks, について言及する that you have a one-legged friend who would like a sock of the same pattern.
You may then wear two of the socks as socks, and the remaining one as a tie. After the feet-socks have been used for some months, they may be used as mittens. A good idea is to wear leggings, when you don't need any socks at all.
It （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域s us why 着せる／賦与するing 製造業者s have not made a shirt which has buttons 負かす／撃墜する the 支援する 同様に as in 前線. You could then wear it 支援する to 前線 when the exposed 部分 got a bit mouldy.
Ours not to 推論する／理由 why. We 単に remain 納得させるd that, had our mental 見通し been 適切に 着せる／賦与するd earlier, had we, instead of 存在 attired in two pieces of soft rag and a safety pin, been 着せる／賦与するd in a 消防士's helmet at birth, with seaboots, a 軍の overcoat, and モーターing gloves, and eaten our porridge with a boat-hook, we should not have had to roll our own cigarettes this day.
MORAL: If you wear your trousers 支援する to 前線, you have to ひさまづく 負かす／撃墜する to sit up. (Very 深い.)
While bowling his hoop along George Street, William Hinkler, 老年の 105, was knocked 負かす／撃墜する by an armoured 'bus and had his clavicle bashed in. He is now lying in some place. That is to say, some other place. His 条件 is not serious.
If 法案 Voronoff keeps on with his （分泌する為の）腺 治療, this sort of thing is likely to happen any day. The 最新の news from Voronoff (by Borronoff and Sir Otto Anaemia) is that by 汚職，収賄ing three （分泌する為の）腺s on to the 老年の でっちあげる，人を罪に陥れる 巨大（な） men will live to the age of at least 125 years.
Why in the devil anyone should wish to live in this vale of gas-法案s for 125 years より勝るs our 科学の knowledge.
In plain words which will touch the hearts of the 地元の peasantry, it has us stonkered.
手配中の，お尋ね者 boy, about 50 or 60, excellent 適切な時期s for 進歩. 適用する with parents or 後見人.
Thus is the excuse of anti-glandists thrown to the ground and trampled on.
長引かせるing life will not 原因（となる） 失業. 単に a readjustment. Lovely word, readjustment. We are feeling a bit readjusted ourself.
While peddling eggs to his grandmother, Nicholas Moxon, 132, got his 耐えるd caught in the spokes of his tricycle and was thrown to the ground. At Sydney Hospital, Moxon said that he did not 非難する the tricycle.
Constable Smith, who chased （刑事）被告 in a bath 議長，司会を務める, having dropped his （分泌する為の）腺, has the 事例／患者 in 手渡す.
開発s are 推定する／予想するd. Persons having 指紋s are requested to call at 探偵，刑事 office and be 逮捕（する）d.
（分泌する為の）腺 治療 should be approached carefully. こそこそ動く up on it sideways. Those feeling old are recommended to die now. Don't 延期する. The price of burial is going up every day. By dying now you save enormous sums of 所得税, etc. 特に, etc.
Die now and save.
ATTENTION, girls!
Just a few words on how to use your lip-stick and 直面する 砕く.
Mr. Ernest Young, a London educationist, has said, "I implore art teachers to teach girls to use 砕く and lip-stick artistically and 正確に."
He shall not implore in vain.
First of all it is necessary to have a 直面する, with a mouth in it. The 直面する should be washed and, if the means are at 手渡す, 乾燥した，日照りのd. A piece of 井戸／弁護士席-chalked string is then tied to one ear, stretched across the 直面する to the other ear, and then given a slight flip with the fingers.
This will result in a white chalk-line across the 直面する, which will give the position for the 紅 on the cheeks: The 紅 may be 適用するd with a small mop or a trowel, care 存在 taken to scoop any 黒字／過剰 out of the ears.
The 直面する is now taken across the dressing room and 押し進めるd into the 砕く. With the 直面する buried, blow vigorously, thus 分配するing the 砕く all over the 直面する and neck. Some cream the 直面する before 砕くing. This gives a nice stucco 影響.
Now take the left 手渡す and slide it 負かす／撃墜する the 直面する until you come to an aperture. This is the mouth.
Work the lip-stick into whatever 形態／調整 the mouth is to be, and 圧力（をかける） it on while still plastic.
When pencilling the eyebrows always use an indelible pencil. Nothing is more untidy than a girl who, while 押し進めるing her hair 支援する, has wiped one of her eyebrows off. Those lucky girls who can yawn 自然に should 追加する the weeniest touch of 紅 to the tonsils.
That will be all for the 現在の, girls.
Remember—Art, and plenty of it.
Our rabbit has died.
A bit of a blow after what the 国家の 会議 of Women said.
We had 広大な／多数の／重要な 期待s of him, because he was an Angora rabbit, and we 推定する／予想するd to clip wool off him every three months, によれば directions, and 輸出（する） it to cardigan jacket 製造業者s.
Still, we learned a fair bit about rabbits, while he lived. The Angora rabbit 住むs the mountain fastnesses of Angora, boring 穴を開けるs into the 直面するs of precipices with its 支援する feet.
This, so that if the rabbit should wish to leave the 穴を開ける, it need not turn 一連の会議、交渉／完成する. The 穴を開ける is known as a burrow. The difference between a burrow and a borrow is that when one wants to burrow one makes a 穴を開ける.
When you borrow you're, already in a 穴を開ける.
Obvious, of course, but we thought we'd point it out to you.
We knew a rabbit once, his 指名する was Alphonso, after the King of Spain, who recently aspirated—which is a mos' Spainful 支配する.
He (the rabbit) used to dog, or rabbit, our footsteps wherever we went. Its fleece was white as snow. It followed us to school one day. We used it to chase ferrets. It was a sad day for us when four actors （機の）カム along (and 手配中の，お尋ね者 a rabbit's foot each, for luck). It was bad luck for the rabbit.
We made a cardigan jacket out of the remains.
From the experience we 伸び（る）d on that occasion, we advise all 未来 rabbit ranchers to take the meat part out of the rabbit before making a jacket of the fur.
And another thing. One rabbit doesn't go fur enough.
Now, 過密な住居 know about that!
We ーするつもりである to 産む／飼育する elephants for the market. We shall 設立する Elephant Clubs and 持つ／拘留する laying 競争s, awarding blue 略章s for pure-bred Buff Orpington elephants and tartan 略章s for crossbreds.
We are driven to this, partly because of the 経済的な 不景気 and partly because, since the 植民地の 展示 in Paris, "The strange Oriental dishes of the 展示 restaurants have created a taste for exotic food. Lion's flesh is in 需要・要求する, and elephant's ears on toast..."
ーするために popularise the elephant with the eating public (of which there is still a large number) we publish a few recipes.
Take one elephant. Peel and soak in a lagoon 夜通し. 除去する the ears (it is better to do this while the elephant is asleep). Fry ears to a dull 黒人／ボイコット and throw on 最高の，を越す of toast.
Serve hot.
A Good Roast.
JOINT.—除去する hind 脚 of elephant. Elephant will 落ちる over. While in recumbent position, clean and 捨てる. Take middle 部分 of elephant and grease 井戸／弁護士席. Start bush 解雇する／砲火／射撃. Run for life. Come 支援する in fortnight's time. (This is good with vegetable 骨髄s.)
SOUP.—Take two elephants. 除去する tusks and （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域 into a stiff froth. 追加する four gills of 鎮圧するd bath-heater. 動かす 井戸／弁護士席 and skim with long-扱うd shovel. Simmer for three months. Some 追加する moth-balls (this is 純粋に a 事柄 of taste).
A touch of lemon is always necessary, さもなければ the dish repeats. The elephant never forgets, but still one doesn't want to be reminded ALL the time. No.
There is a フェリー（で運ぶ） boat to be sold at auction on Tuesday.
We shall never forget the last フェリー（で運ぶ） boat we bought.
Carried away in a frenzy of bidding, we 設立する it knocked 負かす／撃墜する to us at 9 続けざまに猛撃するs 10 shillings.
"Take it away," said the auctioneer.
Having had some 航海の experience, we knew what to do. A 捕らえる、獲得する of coal cost us 4/6 or something. It was the work of a moment to stoke the 解雇する／砲火／射撃s.
Then, dashing up to the 橋（渡しをする）, we rang the bell for "Slow ahead." Dashing 負かす／撃墜する to the engine-room just in time to hear the bell, we put her on to "Slow ahead."
涙／ほころびing 支援する to the 橋（渡しをする）, we suddenly remembered that we hadn't cast-off, and すぐに 急ぐd to the lower deck in our capacity as deck-手渡す, and discovered that the hawser was under too 広大な／多数の／重要な a 緊張する to cast off. We 投げつけるd ourself up on the 橋（渡しをする） and rang 負かす／撃墜する the order, "Stop. Slow astern."
Leaping frenziedly to the engine-room, we then put her astern, dashed out of the engine-room, and cast off the mooring ropes. From there 支援する to the 橋（渡しをする） and our position as captain was 単に a 事柄 of agility.
By this time the coal had run out. We spun the wheel 14 times, failing, however, to 残り／休憩（する） on a winning number, and thus losing a box of chocolates.
We finished up 流浪して in the open sea. The boat sank and we were 溺死するd with all 手渡すs—both of them.
This 結論するd our 航海の career, and we are lucky to be able to tell the tale, 溺死するd as we are.
(This 投機・賭ける was a 際立った loss to Mr. Lower. Our accountant has analysed the position with the に引き続いて result:—
価値低下 of boat 9 続けざまに猛撃するs 10 shillings
Cost of coal 4 shillings and 6 pence
Fare paid at turnstile by Mr. Lower 4 pence
Total 9 続けざまに猛撃するs 14 shillings and 10 pence
Against this the sum of 4 pence, fare received by Captain Lower, must be 相殺する. 逮捕する loss was, therefore, 9 続けざまに猛撃するs 14 shillings and 6 pence.
Mr. Lower's （人命などを）奪う，主張する for expenses totalling this 量 has been 全員一致で 拒絶するd.)
広大な／多数の／重要な 失望 yesterday. Went to circus, 推定する／予想するing to see elephants toddling about their 閉じ込める／刑務所s, 激怒（する）ing lion-tamers annoying the lions, and dare-devil dervishes 投げつけるing knives at each other from a 広大な 高さ.
But the carpenters are still 船の索具 the place up. However, we saw a 独房監禁 ロシアの Cossack—one of the troupe. A winsome lad, with a moustache which reminded us of our Uncle Alfred. He rides four horses at once; somewhat of a waste, but, still, we suppose he must have 慰安.
We said to him, "I suppose you find Sydney a bit warmer than Melbourne?"
He said, "Zxlhwtxhckxvitchkerenkxzlovor?! 5w/z???"
We threw him one of our 誘発するing smiles and replied, "Yes."
We said to a carpenter, "Where are the Polar 耐えるs that ride bicycles? Where are the elephants that sit up and beg? The lady who dives 7000 feet into a bucket, and the marvellous, 血-sweating rhinocerous, which balances a grand piano and three billiard balls in one paw?"
The carpenter said, "Search me!"
We did not do this, as it was やめる plain to our trained journalistic 注目する，もくろむ that he did not have a 選び出す／独身 elephant 隠すd upon him.
We borrowed his 大打撃を与える and thoughtfully 割れ目d a peanut, without which no circus is 完全にする.
Circuses are not what they used to be. Once we had only to see the clown 落ちる on his 直面する and we would laugh until we had to be belted on the 支援する and have brandy 軍隊d between our teeth. Now, if anyone 落ちるs over, we go and smell his breath. 冷笑的な, that's what we are.
This country is not circus-conscious. What we need is more circuses. Big 規模 stuff. Saw-dust all over the city. Traffic 警官，（賞などを）獲得するs balancing on the tram wires. Shop-walkers walking about on their 手渡すs. 裁判官s 本気で balancing 支配者s on 最高の，を越す of their noses and placing the inkwell on 最高の，を越す of that.
Why, in time our 首相 might even be able to balance his 予算!
We must get out of this slough of whatsisname in which we are wallowing and learn to hurl Ourself through hoops, wrapped in 炎上s, into a pondful of 調印（する）s. Nothing is more refreshing.
We were surprised to learn that we have a 長，率いる, the 形態／調整 of which is something between a frankfurt and a rockmelon. We had it 手段d by a hatter's "conformer" which takes an exact 測定 of the 最高の，を越す of the 長，率いる. And you needn't snigger!
If you only stood up and looked 負かす／撃墜する on the 最高の，を越す of your 長，率いる you'd be disgusted. In 未来, we are going to wear a hat with 注目する，もくろむ-穴を開けるs in it, which will tie tightly around the neck (the hat, not the 注目する，もくろむ-穴を開けるs; and, anyhow, if we had said, "going to wear a hat which will tie tightly around the neck with 注目する，もくろむ-穴を開けるs in it"...you can't have 注目する，もくろむ-穴を開けるs in your neck).
A phrenologist once told us about the natives of Central Africa. Their 長，率いるs are flat at the 支援する. This is 予定 to the fact that they can only get 堅い meat and have no 議長，司会を務めるs.
Standing up in their huts, dragging at the meat with their teeth, a piece of the meat 結局 comes off, their 長，率いるs jerk 支援する and 攻撃する，衝突する the 塀で囲む of the hut. This goes on three times a day. Can you wonder that their 長，率いるs are flat at the 支援する?
Then there are the people whose 長，率いるs are 押し進めるd over to the 味方する. 存在 絶えず thrown out of 搭乗 houses and pubs on to their ear gets them this way 結局.
Or, again, we have the people who live in flats, and whose 長，率いるs are square or rectangular.
Look at the people who ride in baby cars on country roads with the hood up. 長，率いるs all flat on the 最高の，を越す.
By continually raising his 注目する，もくろむ-brows many a man has worked his scalp 負かす／撃墜する the 支援する of his neck until it 残り／休憩（する）d in the middle of his 支援する, and thus gone bald.
We know a bald man who kept on doing this until he 結局 worked his moustache up over his forehead and on to his 長，率いる, where it 栄えるd 大いに.
So far as reading the character by the bumps on the 長，率いる, this can be easily 直す／買収する，八百長をするd. Any little 欠陥／不足s can be put in order by giving the 長，率いる a sharp blow in the proper 位置／汚点／見つけ出す with a 大打撃を与える, which can be 安全な・保証するd at small cost and to 控訴 any pocket. Not that we advise you to carry the damn thing around in your pocket. Keep it in your desk. If you're one of these hard-長，率いるd 商売／仕事 men, perhaps it would be 井戸／弁護士席 to get an anvil also.
That will be all for the 現在の, as the young man said when he gave his girl a cake of sand-soap for her birthday.
潔白 is 速く becoming 流行の／上流の, thanks to Mr. Norman Lindsay.
PEOPLE who 以前 反対するd to it are now 見解（をとる）ing it tolerantly. In Michigan, they 目的（とする） to 禁止（する） anything that tends to make 副／悪徳行為 more attractive and virtue a 支援する number. Films must have no bedroom scenes, no bathroom scenes, no scanty 着せる／賦与するing scenes, no demonstrations of 熱烈な love, and no scenes of 血-shed or 暴力／激しさ.
We look 今後 to the times when there will be no bathrooms, or if there are, when they are 密封して 調印（する）d and are referred to, when it is impossible to 差し控える from について言及するing them, as the "B."
Soap, in these happy times, on account of its の近くに 協会 with the naked flesh, will be referred to as "S," and will be sold in packets labelled "Dog 薄焼きパン／素焼陶器s." When retiring to the "B.R." (bedroom), the pure-minded man will not 着せる／賦与する himself scantily, but rather don an over-coat, and, having locked the door, stand up in the wardrobe and go to sleep.
Demonstrations of 熱烈な love will be 限定するd to 手渡す-shaking, and then only under proper 監督.
暴力／激しさ and 流血／虐殺 will not be permitted except in 外科s and dental parlors.
As for women—women will not be permitted at all.
Or perhaps they might be kept in 構内／化合物s, wearing long chaff-捕らえる、獲得する coverings and stove-麻薬を吸う leggings.
Anything calculated to 誘発する the baser passions, such as a knife and fork, will be used only of people of repute. Square plates, of course. We can never look on a 一連の会議、交渉／完成する plate without blushing at its curves.
If any reader can think of any other 改良s, we will be glad to put them into 影響, or 禁止（する） them, or 燃やす and 禁じる and 殺菌する them.
We get a sensual 楽しみ out of banning things, and pure minds are 十分な of things to 禁止（する）.
手配中の，お尋ね者, 供給（する）s Live Tortoise, immed. deliv.
We have been doing a bit of wavering, but we have decided that we cannot part with our 5000 tortoises.
We know each one of them by 指名する. When we call they gallop up and eat out of our 手渡す. In the 事例／患者 of a dead-heat between two tortoises, they eat out of both 手渡すs.
This to save bickering.
Then there were our 海がめs. They got in の中で the tortoises. We had to make separate pens for the turtises and tortles which were the unfortunate 結果.
We had a go at mating tortoises with hedge hogs, ーするために produce tortoise-爆撃する 小衝突s, but this was a 失敗.
We had a frightful lot of trouble. There were the tortoises that turned 海がめ on us. As we said before, we knew the 肩書を与えるs of our total 海がめs. There is nothing more affectionate than a 海がめ.
Their coats are so warm, and if you don't belt them in the 直面する they'll do you no 害（を与える）, as the old nursery rhyme says.
We 堅固に advise readers to （問題を）取り上げる 海がめs or tortoises as a hobby or profession.
Of course, it is difficult to （問題を）取り上げる a 海がめ as a tortoise, but the shearing season is between July and September, and the 普通の／平均（する） torsle should 産する／生じる about five dressing-（米）棚上げする／（英）提議する 始める，決めるs to the season.
This is about all we care to divulge about tortisels. その上の （警察などへの）密告，告訴（状） will be 供給（する）d on 領収書 of 10d. in stamps.
Any 元気づける to be done, who does it? We do. "The day of vapid and inane advertising is ending. The modern advertiser who does not 控訴，上告 to the 顧客's intellect, is lost." Get that? Lost! 血-hounds and search parties 示すd.
WE get a kick out of every modern 宣伝 we see. After reading through an American magazine we are 黒人／ボイコット and blue, and after a short period, during which we are kept under 観察, are 許すd to go home.
"What? A hundred and eighty years old to-day! My dear, you don't look a day over 170. However do you do it?"
"It's that new Creme Clammy, cherie. I just put it on between meals. And just fancy! It comes in 59 different varieties, to 控訴 any size 直面する!"
"Oo, la, la! I must buy a ケッグ of it すぐに!"
Now, that's the stuff to give 'em.
Take the 事例／患者 of that chap Wilberforce.
豊富な, and with plenty of money. Good-looking and of noble birth, he had a luxurious steam ヨット and a steam train and 鉄道 駅／配置する. Yet everyone 避けるd him.
When he walked into the theatre the whole audience made a dive for the 解雇する／砲火／射撃 出口s. He couldn't make it out. Even his best friends wouldn't tell him.
Soon as they saw him coming they stepped on it and 目的（とする）d for the nearest horizon. But at last one of his enemies told him—by 電報電信. You guessed it—he had halitosis. Ninety per cent. of our 離婚 事例／患者s are 予定 単独で to this 荒廃させるing 病気.
That makes you sit up, doesn't it?
Then there was that other fellow.
He thought: "宗教上の マイク! Another second of this and I'm asphyxiated!" But, just to be polite, he said: "You stick there. I'm going to throw myself under a tram."
That せねばならない be enough to make any self-尊敬（する）・点ing girl go and wash herself all over with Lifer's Soap.
Take our own 事例／患者. We received a letter 説, "Are you an 失業した labourer? WHY NOT BECOME AN UNEMPLOYED ARCHITECT? We could have been anything; 電気の engineer, 解除する-driver, 深い-sea diver; all by 調印 the dotted line and sending no money."
We became an architect in three weeks. Our wife, who read all the 指示／教授／教育s, became an architect, too. If young Wally had been old enough to read he'd have been an architect.
We used to practise on each other. The wife would 落ちる through the 前線 door and say: "I got that there raise, Mabel! That brings me up to four hundred dollars per, an' nex' week they're going to make me managing director!"
And I'd say: "And it's all 予定 to the の間の-changeable Correspondence School! Now we'll be able to get that red and yeller 一面に覆う／毛布 we've always 手配中の，お尋ね者."
When we sit 負かす／撃墜する and ひもで縛る ourself into a 議長，司会を務める and think of how on earth we got on before there were any 宣伝s, when we didn't have pyorrhoea or halitosis, or unsightly hairs, 肌 blemishes, no ambition, couldn't play music on a saw, couldn't 持つ／拘留する board 会合s （一定の）期間-bound, and were never 申し込む／申し出d the 適切な時期 to earn 1000.00 dollars a week giving away packets of 巨大（な） beans...井戸／弁護士席, it makes us feel sorry for us, when we look 支援する on ourself.
Doddering into the swellest barber's saloon in town, we fell into a 議長，司会を務める and said: "Make us look human."
"This is not a 外科," replied the barber kindly.
THEN we said, "Shave us, shampoo, 直面する massage, violent-ray, and de-blackhead us. We are in your 手渡すs."
So he started. 権利 here we want to say that if ever you want the 荒廃させるs of time and the 影響s of high living and low morals eradicated from the countenance, or 直面する, do what we did.
It will only cost you about 25/—if you get out alive.
The shave, with eleven hot towels and three varieties of 直面する cream. The hair-削減（する） with the electric tooth-演習; the shampoo—these are mere 予選s.
The hair is 乾燥した，日照りのd with hot 空気／公表する, both 電気の and human.
Then starts the 直面する massage. You are oiled, creamed, and bleared.
An 電気の exasperator is wheeled up to your 味方する. The 操作者 turns the thing on, and you すぐに get heebie-jeebies in the 直面する.
You then disappear from human ken beneath a 列 of hot towels. The 操作者 then goes away, 推定では to the races or to have lunch.
After many years, during which your whole life passes before you, the towels are taken away and pink mud is rubbed, slapped, and 続けざまに猛撃するd into your 直面する.
Hydrochloric 酸性の, or something more 猛烈な／残忍な, is 注ぐd on to you. Cream, oil—a final belt in the cheek, and you are massaged.
The violent-ray we took without anaesthetic. It consists of a 群れている of 餓死するing ants with important 任命s in your cerebral crannies.
Twice we nearly escaped, but we were brought 支援する, giggling, with our tonsorial 式服s bedraggled, but still furled tightly around the neck.
We were given smelling salts, and a towel soaked in Florida water to suck.
Then we were manicured. Let us draw a curtain over this. We were thrown out of the manicure parlor. Nice girl, though.
And so 支援する to the office, walking mincingly into the 解除する, asking the draivah to draive slowleh so as not to 乱す ouah part.
Smelling 堅固に of Ashes of Chlorafluers, we 設立する we were most unwelcome. Our peaches and cream complexion was lost in our 迅速な 退却／保養地 from the sub-editor's room to the 解除する.
N.B.—The 解除する driver has since had the elevator insectibaned.
Seeing that a 鯨 失敗d into Sydney Harbour to have a look at our 栄冠を与えるing 橋（渡しをする） work (dentists! please 公式文書，認める), we have made a few 調査s about 鯨s, last two 鯨s having died on us on a/c of over-feeding.
WHALES are of さまざまな sorts. Sperm 鯨s, hump-支援するd 鯨s, blue 鯨s, Prince of むちの跡s, New South むちの跡s...and it gathers about like that. 鯨s have calves, but no feet. They are the only fish who blow their noses. Their young swim in schools, but don't learn anything. 鯨s are too big.
Ambergris comes from male 鯨s, Verdigris from 女性（の） 鯨s, Candlegris from candle-grease 鯨s, which have not yet been discovered, but anything is likely to happen.
No 鯨 has been known to travel sideways. Whether this is 予定 to 欠如（する） of 率先 or pure nastiness has not yet been 設立する out.
鯨s have no fins. This was a たびたび（訪れる） source of annoyance to Jonah, who made 鯨s sick. If Jonah had been in a modern 鯨 he would have had a telephone laid on with hot and 冷淡な water service and periscope.
Twin-screw 鯨s with lifeboats and saloon accommodation are 極端に rare. Catching of 鯨s is done with harpoons. A harpoon is a small harp. The harpoon is barbed. A barboon is a small barb, or baby 粗野な人間. The 器具 is thrown at the 鯨 and 侵入するs the blubber.
The 鯨 新米水夫／不器用なs and wails. Hence 現在の 不景気. 鯨s make very unsuitable pets, as they are likely to go mad and kick the 直面する of the 手渡す that fed them.
鯨s sound frequently, but never shout. Don't like 鯨s.
About this golfer who is going to play ゴルフ from Brisbane to Adelaide, 経由で Sydney and Melbourne—he is not 許すd to touch the ball with his 手渡すs or feet unless with special 許可.
We suppose he will be 許すd to bowl it along with his forehead occasionally. It wouldn't do the ball any 害（を与える） and might do the golfer a lot of good.
We often wonder who lays all these wagers. We are going to be one of them. We shall challenge our landlord to 押し進める a wheelbarrow across Australia, hopping on one foot. And when he comes 支援する and puts his barrow wearily 負かす／撃墜する outside the 空いている house the next-door 隣人 will say: "Lower? He left here a week ago."
And we shall go to the 課税 Commissioner and say to him: "Excuse me, but would you mind bowling a hoop around the world for a bet?"
Then we would go along to 議会 House and say: "We bet you aren't game to sit on a two hundred foot 政治家 for about eleven years."
And when we had got them all sitting on 政治家s, and 押し進めるing barrows, and walking from Sydney to Bechuanaland, and slipping on 白人指導者べったりの東洋人-肌s from Perth to Redfern, we would sit 負かす／撃墜する, 倍の our 手渡すs one within the other, and begin to enjoy life.
GOT something to tell you. In Germany, they've got rubber 調印する 基準s and rubber milestones to make travel safer for 運転者s.
によれば the 調書をとる／予約する, "these 柔軟な 地位，任命するs, painted in 有望な colours, bend to a 水平の position when struck by a car, and spring 支援する into 形態／調整 without 損失."
We have under way a suggestion for rubber 歩行者s.
We were once a masseur on a rubber farm. 耐えるing 1000 tennis balls to the acre, it was one of the most successful farms in the 商売／仕事. The 量 of 商売／仕事 we did could be seen with the naked 注目する，もくろむ in bad times. That's how big the thing was.
And what happened?
First of all, we messed up the rubber duck section for surf-bathers. Lost our duck. The only model we had.
We 行方不明になる its quack. But this is no time for 悔恨. America killed us in the East by ダンピング elastic in 中国 at 削減（する） 率s.
廃虚d our garter market.
Who first marketed the rubber 召喚するs? We did.
When 配達するd, it すぐに springs 支援する. Who invented that story about the Boss? We stretch it and it 飛行機で行くs 支援する. Need you ask?
You needn't. We'll see you in the Dom. Went to see our 仲買人 and decided he's no 仲買人. If there's going to be a "Dead Broke" 競争, we're on scratch. And about rubber...don't 投資する. Your money is more settled in the 貯金 Bank.
You can't bounce a rubber tree and...wait a minute...don't jump off the tram in your goloshes.
You Must Say: "Nothing いっそう少なく Than Two Thousand a Year Will Do"
IT looked good to me, it stood out from the 残り／休憩（する） of the "Positions 空いている." It struck your 注目する，もくろむ like a wart on your girl's lip.
You didn't have to be experienced. You just had to have personality, character, ambition, 決意 and a 願望（する） to earn nothing いっそう少なく than two thousand 続けざまに猛撃するs a year. It implored you to join their sales organisation, and get on the 永久の staff and become a general 経営者／支配人 in no time. It was 絶対 an open slather for the general-managership.
井戸／弁護士席, I had all the character, personality, 決意, and ambition about the place, and they didn't について言及する anything about a clean collar, so I went along.
I thought it was funny not seeing any of the boys around. There are about seventy of us 一般に, all after the same 職業, and after answering 宣伝s for a few months you get sort of chummy. I remember one feller did get the 職業 once. It fair broke him up. At the send-off we gave him 負かす／撃墜する at the Labor Bureau, he cried like a child.
Anyhow, I'm standing there, feeling lonely like, and a bloke buttons me, and I'm wafted into the office.
"Take a seat," he says.
I takes it.
Then he 注目する，もくろむs me off. Looks at me as if he knew all my past life, and had me stripped to the bone. He keeps it up for a while, thinking I'll break 負かす／撃墜する and 自白する; but I've been through it before, and I 差し控えるs from crackin' him one.
"What 指名する did you say, Mr.—er—?"
"Spivells—James Spivells," I say.
"Oh! yes," he says, as if he knew it all the time, and was just seeing if I could remember it.
"Have you had any experience as a sales-man?"
"No."
"Hm. 井戸／弁護士席, Mr. Squiggles, the proposition is this: We 取引，協定 in real 広い地所, and we have a few vacancies for men with—"
"Character, personality, 決意—" I starts off, just to show him I know the chorus and ain't been wasting my time.
"Yes, yes," he 半導体素子s in. "井戸／弁護士席, we are 開始 up a new 広い地所 事実上 a 石／投石する's-throw from Redfern, just this 味方する of Brewarrina, and we want men of your stamp to 扱う it."
I throws out the chest.
"Experience is unnecessary—we train you. It's the MAN we want. Men with—"
"Charact—"
"Yes, yes!" he says quickly. He strikes me as the sort of bloke that butts in.
"There is no 限界, Mr. Struggles, to the 進歩 possible in this position!" he says, 続けざまに猛撃するing the （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する, and glaring at me with a 否定する-it-and-I'll-dong-you sort of 表現.
I nods and looks intelligent.
"There's Smith," he says. "（機の）カム to us—just the same as you—six months ago. It's a poor week he doesn't draw a hundred 続けざまに猛撃するs!"
I gasps.
"Jones—left us now—sorry to lose him—bought his own ヨット, and is now travelling 一連の会議、交渉／完成する the world!"
"You don't say!" I says, popping at the 注目する，もくろむ-balls.
He simmers 負かす／撃墜する a bit.
"You understand, Mr. Spriggles, that we don't 支払う／賃金 a 週刊誌 salary. Your （売買）手数料，委託（する）／委員会／権限 is high. If you sell a 封鎖する 価値（がある） thirty 続けざまに猛撃するs, you receive twenty-five 続けざまに猛撃するs （売買）手数料，委託（する）／委員会／権限. AND," he says, wagging a finger that seems to be on a 全世界の／万国共通の 共同の, "You'll have no trouble in selling it. It sells itself! Any man, woman or child can see the difference the North Shore 橋（渡しをする） has made to Brewarrina."
He leans 今後.
"The 郊外s are 速く 押し進めるing out—out—out—"
I looks 一連の会議、交渉／完成する for the dog.
I'm feeling a bit fed up.
"Land values will rise to unheard of 高さs. A thirty 続けざまに猛撃する 封鎖する will be 価値（がある） thousands. Tell me, Mr. Skeggles, why didn't you buy land at Darlinghurst in 1850?"
"Wasn't there," I says, quick with the アリバイ.
"You didn't have the foresight! You didn't have the foresight!", he yells. "Now, we had two men out selling this 広い地所 yesterday. They were doing splendidly—splendidly; and of course they must go and get their feet 鎮圧するd," he 追跡するd off in a 哀れな way.
"Feet 鎮圧するd?" I says.
"Yes. The 権利 foot. Both on the same 味方する of the street, in the same terrace. 事実上 in the same door!"
"Remarkable!"
"A coincidence, indeed, Mr. Spivells—"
"You've got it!" I yells. "持つ／拘留する her at that!"
"What?" he says.
"Spivells," I says. "Spivells—try and remember it. Spivells. Spivells, Spivells—"
"Don't dribble on the carpet!" he says, looking anxious.
I shuts up.
"井戸／弁護士席, Mr.—er—Spivells, I've put the proposition to you. Do you feel 確信して that you can sell this land?"
"I do!" I says, shivering わずかに. It reminds me of a wedding.
"権利," he says, and forks out a couple of forms.
"Just fill those forms in, Mr.—er—and we'll soon have you 直す／買収する，八百長をするd up."
I runs an 注目する，もくろむ over them.
Straight away I sees the cloven hoof:—
"And I agree to 購入（する） land to the value of fifty 続けざまに猛撃するs from the 星／主役にするs and （土地などの）細長い一片s Real 広い地所 Coy. as an 証拠 of good 約束 and to 確実にする my active 利益／興味..."
I clutches the other page.
It says:
Date. 高さ. 負わせる. 指名する at 現在の. Past 指名するs. Parents' 指名するs. 宣告，判決s (if any). Where were you born? When? Why? Was your mother a white woman? Do you wear underwear? (明言する／公表する whether wool or cotton.) When did you leave your last 雇用者. Why? How? (明言する／公表する whether tram or 'bus.) Did he 行方不明になる you?
There's a whole page of it. I stands up and looks at him.
"I'll think it over," I says.
"The 適切な時期 may be gone," he says.
"Don't stop it on my account," I says.
"Very 井戸／弁護士席," says he, as I hoofed it to the door.
"I'm sorry for you. You'll never 後継する, Mr. Squirrels. Good-bye...Next, please!"
I chews over the "Squirrels" for a while, then I gets into the 解除する and goes.
A man has enough trouble, without 存在 pinched for a salt.
Love!
What scenes are called up by the mere mouthing of the word! What scenes! What hellishing 列／漕ぐ／騒動s! A film which 伴う／関わるs a fair 量 of kissing has recently been banned by the 長，指導者 連邦／共和国 Censor. Not that that 事柄s. He hasn't been 適切に kissed.
We have been kissed, ourself.
In our adolescent 行う／開催する／段階s we were once so kissed that we ran around in circles for some days, and for weeks after that we walked about in a trance.
There was one...older 'n us, she was—she said, "Kizz muh!"
Got a half-nelson on us, she did, and they had to bring us brandy and undo our collar and use 人工的な respiration. Never been やめる the same since. She was one of these tall, sinuous women who never seem to have any money.
Then there was a brunette. She was one who used to 徐々に look closer and closer into your 注目する，もくろむs, until the 支援する of your 長，率いる 攻撃する，衝突する the 塀で囲む. Waggle her eyelashes on your neck and start the real 商売／仕事 from the 支援する of your ear and work 一連の会議、交渉／完成する to the 前線 of your 直面する, by which time you had swooned away.
One way and another, we 行方不明になるd a lot of fun, swooning away.
Maisie—she was a nice girl. We should have 粉砕するd her teeth in about four times a week. She said she could only 扱う／治療する us as a sister would a brother. Used to kiss us on the forehead!
Asked her, in desperation, how long this sister 商売／仕事 would be going on. She said, "For ever!" and burst into 涙／ほころびs.
So we told her that we had a sister, and strode off into the night.
We have been kissed by distant 女性（の） 親族s. We have even been kissed by our wife.
She says, "Whisky!"
"No! No! Dear!" we say, virtuously.
"Kiss me again"...
"Brandy."
We blush.
"You've had four brandies!"
We give in and 自白する to the four. What else can you do when you know that you've had twelve brandies?
Love, these days, gives us a 苦痛 in the small of the 支援する. If anyone wants to censor kissing, we are on his 味方する.
The Maoris rub noses instead of kissing, and our idea of 楽園 is a place 十分な of nose-いっそう少なく Maoris.
We are, of course, open to 転換....
Phantasmagoria!
Not that we 耐える any malice. 簡単に that we occasionally run short of 悪口を言う／悪態s. As Edison once said to the 知事 of South Carolina, "Inspiration is one-tenth perspiration and nine-tenths exasperation."
We shall, therefore, talk to you to-day, children, about sardines.
The sardine lives in a tin slum and, 予定 to its 環境, there are many feeble-minded sardines in our 中央—unaccustomed, 示す you, as they are to public speaking.
環境, said he, throwing his cigarette-butt into the waste paper basket in an earnest 試みる／企てる to 燃やす the office 負かす／撃墜する, is a strange thing. In a very short time, a cat caught in a ネズミ 罠（にかける） becomes distinctly like a dead ネズミ. Given time, the cat may even become deader than the ネズミ. As the poet 述べるd the electric 議長，司会を務める, "That 燃やす from which no traveller returns"—that's where it goes.
Speaking of 電気椅子s, we understand that they are most uncomfortable. A man told us that the accommodation in the electric 議長，司会を務める department was shocking. Apart from that, he explained to us that it was one of the few occasions when he didn't have to ひもで縛る-hang.
They had five goes at him and he blew the fuses out every time.
At the finish, he was so 十分な of electricity that if he 圧力（をかける）d his vest button a bell would （犯罪の）一味.
Which 自然に brings us to the 支配する of Christmas puddings, of which there are two 肉親，親類d: the one you put the cheques in and boil it— and ours. For a large family, we recommend our recipe. All you need is a 続けざまに猛撃する of raisins and a 捕らえる、獲得する of 固く結び付ける. This will last a family of eight for about twelve (12) Christmases. This pudding is hard to （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域.
Raisins are very good for you. They 含む／封じ込める a lot of アイロンをかける.
Talk of アイロンをかける! We knew a man who had so much アイロンをかける that he was 十分な of nuts and bolts. 事柄 of fact, he lived on nuts and bolted his meals. After he was operated on for appendicitis he had to be riveted.
If he 手配中の，お尋ね者 to turn around, he had to use a spanner. Threw himself under a train and 難破させるd the train. Rusted away after a long and 平和的な life, and was pronounced dead by one of the best engineers in the country.
And if you must have something about sardines, they have no 長，率いるs, but they carry tales.
Mean to say, they repeat on us.
Abysinnia later.
Professor Haydon, of Denver, U.S.A., 嘆き悲しむs the "hackneyed phrases of the cheap British 小説家s."
WE do not agree. Look at the 演習 YOU get.
For instance. "At last he caught her 注目する，もくろむ!" (She had been "casting her 注目する，もくろむ about the room" a few minutes before this, and she was also doing a bit of "shimmering in her voluptuous evening gown.")
He "paled and trembled visibly" (try it yourself); then, "with an 成果／努力 he 回復するd his composure, and, turning on his heel, darted from the room". (We have tried darting from the room, but our 目的（とする） is rotten. We are four door-knobs behind.)
"For a moment she stood rigid (stiffness 始める，決める in), and then swept out of the room" (what she swept out of the room is never divulged.)
"His 直面する fell." (This is a bit ぎこちない—特に on a tiled 床に打ち倒す.) "But he straightened himself up and thrust his chin out."
Upstairs, "Lady Grasmere flung herself on her bed"—"or threw herself on the 床に打ち倒す" (optional), and her "団体／死体 shook with sobs. Her brain whirled. A lump （機の）カム into her throat...her heart was broken."
That's what you get for throwing yourself at a bed. Always better to 目的（とする） for the bed, and, even if you 攻撃する，衝突する the 床に打ち倒す, it makes no difference to the story.
An' what's Lord Eustonberry doing 負かす／撃墜する-stairs?
"Snarling, he spat a few words at the 陸軍大佐" (enough to start a fight anywhere), "and then flung himself through the door of the billiard room, his 注目する，もくろむs emitting 誘発するs."
That—even that little bit—is what we call a hard day's work.
Forsooth, who is this professor to play Canute to the sea of words? Let him "縮む into himself, livid with 恐れる." We also have our dislikes.
Sat in the dark yesterday afternoon with a lot of oyster 農業者s. The lantern-slide lecture was 広大な／多数の／重要な. All about sperms and bi-弁s and things. 高度に instructive it was.
For instance, we learnt that an oyster in its 早期に 行う／開催する／段階s swims about. We have never had to swim after an escaping oyster yet, but it must be tiring.
An oyster has one foot. This one-footedness is natural, and the oyster receives no 年金 so far as we could gather. On its foot it oists itself along. Hence the 称する，呼ぶ／期間／用語 "oyster."
We made 調査s, but were unable to ascertain whether the noise on oyster 賃貸し（する）s was 予定 to the oysters stamping their feet.
After a while, it loses it 地盤, so to speak, and is on the 激しく揺するs 永久的に. This is sad but we've all been through it.
Probably this accounts for the wrinkles on the oyster.
This year the 連合させるd Oyster 農業者s' 協会 will give a cup for best two and three-year-old oysters.
We have never seen a 連合させるd oyster. Probably it means married oysters, but we have had one two-year-old in training for the last four months, and with any luck and a 会社／堅い 跡をつける, we hope to carry off the 負わせる-for-age event.
We would advise the public to be on our oyster.
The lecturer said that "any man who eats a bad oyster deserves ptomaine 毒（薬）ing."
He also said that the idea of not eating oysters in months with an R in them was all wrong.
But, after seeing the 内部の 作品 of an oyster magnified umpteen times, we have decided that the months in which one should not eat oysters are: January, February, March, April, Mray, Jrune, Jruly, Aurgurst, Septeremberr, Octoroberr, Noveroverember, and Drecerember.
This is as much as we care to know about oysters.
A Brisbane frog arrived at Mascot on the tail-計画（する） of the Brisbane mail 計画（する） yesterday morning.
This is probably the longest hop ever taken by a frog.
The frog is a strange animal which lives in creeks and croaks.
It also lives on water and hops.
One frog is spawn every minute. The 行う／開催する／段階s of the frog are 利益／興味ing to be 利益／興味d in.
First the spawn. Then the 棒, tad-政治家, or perch. Then the frog on its スピードを出す／記録につける in the bog. (Poetry.)
We have the bull-frog. The cow-frog and the calf-frog were last seen at the 戦う／戦い of Blenheim (1345, A.D.)
The tadpole is an 見習い工 frog. Tadpoles born in May are Maypoles.
The barberspole is a frog which comes out in red, white, and blue （土地などの）細長い一片s when fully 円熟したd. It costs 6d. in most places, or 9d. with a hot towel.
In フラン, people eat frogs—fifty million Frenchmen can't be wrong.
Eat more frogs. Of course, in the 事例／患者 of there 存在 a death in フラン since time of 令状ing, there is a 可能性 of forty-nine million nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine Frenchmen 存在 misled.
But let it be here 明言する／公表するd that the frog which arrived on the Brisbane mail 計画（する） was a bull frog, because it was a mail frog.
And if it wasn't a bull frog that 棒 on the mail 計画（する）, it must have been toad.
One of the brightest 位置／汚点／見つけ出すs in our hitherto 淡褐色 life is the 廃止 of the gold 基準 in favour of a 公式文書，認める 基準.
The British 政府 is 単に に引き続いて a 手続き which we have 支持するd and put into practice for many months past.
Some of our 公式文書，認めるs have been classics.
DEAR SIR,—借りがあるing to the 現在の 財政上の 不景気, we find ourself unable to 会合，会う your just 需要・要求するs すぐに. However, we are 推定する／予想するing すぐに a 遺産／遺物 from a 豊富な 親族 in Fiji, and you may 残り／休憩（する） 保証するd...
Then there was the other one which always worked. You 簡単に pin the 公式文書，認める on your door: "BACK IN TEN MINUTES." You then go away for eleven years, and are never heard of again.
GAS CO.
Sirs,—Your 侮辱ing message reached me this morning. Need I say that I was disgusted and annoyed? This is the fourth final notice I have had from you. Any more of this, and I shall be compelled to request you to send a man to 削減（する） off my gas 供給（する）.
This usually 直す／買収する，八百長をするs things. Of course, there are faults in the system.
Yesterday we were 現在のd with a 公式文書，認める, "I.O.U. 5/-. 調印するd, L. W. Lower." So we went 支援する to the gold 基準.
The whole thing is very 伴う／関わるd. Mean to say, come home and find on kitchen （米）棚上げする／（英）提議する a 公式文書，認める, "Waited up till 2 o'clock. Where have you been? Your dinner is in the oven."
That sort of 公式文書，認める is NOT negotiable.
A man, whose 指名する we will not について言及する, on account of the vile 罪，犯罪 which he did and which we do not wish to be slung up in 前線 of his countless ancestors, yet unborn, and the whole neighbourhood taking a day off to go and point the finger of 軽蔑（する）, the sturdier members getting out their shovels and heaping ignomy on him—he was 罰金d 2 続けざまに猛撃するs with 8 shillings costs at 法廷，裁判所.
He was caught 現行犯で, digging worms at San Souci, thus annoying the oyster-leasers, and was 告発（する），告訴（する）／料金d with having "unlawfully taken worms" and with "unlawfully having caught worms on a の近くにd area."
And to think that that man was once an innocent little babe, lounging at his mother's 膝!
As for us, we can say with a 確かな 量 of pride that we have never taken worms. We have taken everything else, from pills to 情熱 baths and aspirins, but so far we 港／避難所't shown any serious and 決定するd hankering for worms.
But, of course, we know a good 取引，協定 about them. There are two 肉親，親類d of worms. Long worms and short worms.
The long worms can be easily distinguished from the short worms; the 長，率いる of the short worm 存在 invariably closer to the tail than in the 事例／患者 of the long worm.
It has long puzzled scientists how the worm finds a 穴を開ける to fit it.
Nature in its awful 知恵 has 供給するd 穴を開けるs of さまざまな sizes all over our 広大な and glorious continent. All the worm has to do is to tramp about and find a 穴を開ける that fits.
We knew of one worm with goitre that walked from Coogee to Parramatta before it 設立する a suitable home. Even then it was only a 半分-detached 穴を開ける, 存在 next to a quarry.
The grub is very の近くに to the worm and could やめる easily be taken for a worm by anyone who has never seen a worm. The only difference between the two is that the one has more 脚s, and more hair on its chest than the other. The grub is also better upholstered.
Aborigines regard grubs as a delicacy and will chase them for miles, 投げつけるing boomerangs at them.
Other 肉親，親類d are 設立する underneath スピードを出す／記録につけるs—although how the devil those little chaps balance those 広大な／多数の／重要な スピードを出す／記録につけるs has got us （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域.
We cannot speak with any 当局 on the 支配する, but we 推定する that the grub lies on its 支援する and then pulls the スピードを出す／記録につける over itself.
The centipede is really an armor-plated worm, equipped with a knife and fork at one end. It has a lot of 脚s, an incalculable number, and how it keeps in step?...We won't bother about it. Once you start thinking about things like that, you go mad and run around in circles barking like a dog.
This is a 反乱（を起こす）. We were supposed to go to the Zoo to-day, but we have been there before, and our motto is: Anything once; the second time, it's worse.
FURTHERMORE, a visit to Taronga Park leaves us feebly seething with sad 激怒（する）. We fail to see how a lion is any worse off than we are.
They have nothing to do but be looked at; they are fed and housed, and the ヒョウ even carries a 位置／汚点／見つけ出す on the hip.
Who knocks on the tortoise's door, 需要・要求するing the rent?
The pelican has the biggest 法案 in the place, but does it worry him?
The camel was born with the hump, and the dromodaries have two of them. But dromodaries and camels are born, not made. Therein lies the advantage.
Consider the zebra. Sergeants of the 民兵 with three （土地などの）細長い一片s gaze upon him curiously. The zebra, with 43 （土地などの）細長い一片s, gazes 支援する contemptuously.
The ducks swim about, 免疫の from Christmas. The giraffe looks 負かす／撃墜する upon us.
Given an almost 削減（する）-glass salad bowl, we must make a speech about it. Given an unwanted peanut, the orang-outang may throw it 支援する at you and then nonchalantly scratch the 支援する of his neck.
Monkeys, 存在 almost human, delight to make fools of themselves before an audience. But who ever heard of an 失業した monkey?
Fish in the 水槽 are as 安全な from hooks as a 修道士 is 安全な from matrimony.
A 耐える that sits up and begs for a bun and is 攻撃する，衝突する on the snout with a peanut is no worse off than the husband who comes home and says, "Hullo, darling!" and is answered with "Humph!"
It has been said that man descended from monkeys, but considering the fun monkeys have, it is 明らかな to the 着せる／賦与するd and 税金d onlooker that we have descended too far.
We 辞退する to be humiliated at the Zoo.
The gold 追求（する），探索（する） is still on. Countless 失業した are now working like mad, though still 事実上 失業した. We ask you, 国民s, what do you know about gold? Echo answers, "Ask me?"
What do you know about quartz?
Quartz is what you get milk in.
What is a quartette? It is a pint and a half.
Gold is 設立する in veins and seams.
How vein it seems?
The 不成功の prospector spends all his life （電話線からの）盗聴 激しく揺するs. The successful prospector spends about three weeks 激しく揺するing taps. After which he 始める，決めるs off for the 砂漠 once more.
Alluvial gold is usually dished from the start. From the cradle to the 墓／厳粛／彫る／重大な, so to speak. More trips are made from the cradle to the 墓／厳粛／彫る／重大な than from the cradle to the "Australia."
Which reminds us of minny ゴルフ courses. There are too minny ゴルフ courses.
Which also reminds us that very few ゴルフing prospectors tell the 穴を開ける truth.
地雷s! 地雷s! What do we know about 地雷s? 地雷's a beer!
My heavens, amigo (Spanish) if you had to fill up a 確かな 量 of space like this, you would also do as we do.
We are stonkered for ideas. There comes a tide in the 事件／事情／状勢s of men when they 急ぐ to cover. When they go into nursing homes. When they discover that they have important 商売／仕事 about 300 miles away. When they say, "You know damn 井戸／弁護士席 I don't like baked rabbit!" and such 厳しい words.
One touch of Nature makes the whole world 肉親，親類. Two touches, and you've got it 怪しげな.
Let us then away.
A paper, referring to the University carillon: "Although small in comparison with a larger bell, it is itself large compared with some of the small ones."
Now, you やめる understand, you news readers? You're sure that you compree the lot? The smaller ones are smaller than those that are larger, And larger than those that are, not.
And you see that the big ones are large ones, And the high ones e'xceedingly tall, Not nearly so large as those that are larger. But bigger than those that are small.
So, really, the large ones are small ones. No! The small ones are small-still big, though Compared to the small ones, but smaller Compared to the big-damned if I know!
Work it out for yourself,
Speaking from the 解雇する／砲火／射撃 escape, in our asbestos underpants. I have just escaped from the 予防 of a 解雇する／砲火／射撃, at 切迫した 危険 to the 解雇する／砲火／射撃.
Goaded on by a 治安判事 who complained of the number of 解雇する／砲火／射撃s in his diocese, and hinted, by 説 out loud, that it was 予定 to incendiarism (you heard me!), we sat up all night thinking of a way to start a preventible 解雇する／砲火／射撃.
If the wife says to me, "You light the 解雇する／砲火／射撃"—井戸／弁護士席, that's a preventible 解雇する／砲火／射撃. It only has an outside chance of starting, and even then it will go out. It's a habit. I hurl the 支持を得ようと努めるd at a 確かな 位置／汚点／見つけ出す, throw a match in the general direction of the 支持を得ようと努めるd. Match goes out. I go out. ーするために have any hope of 妨げるing a 解雇する／砲火／射撃 there must be some 可能性 of a 解雇する／砲火／射撃 starting (Euclid).
Best way to 妨げる a 解雇する／砲火／射撃 is to fill a central room with shavings, 注ぐ methylated spirits all over it, and then 知らせる the police.
A lot of 失業 has been 原因（となる）d in 解雇する／砲火／射撃 旅団s by the premature 予防 of 解雇する／砲火／射撃s. It is a sad commentary...It is indeed...anyhow, it's a bit 堅い.
I myself in person once knew a 消防士 who filled in his spare time (of which he had a number) polishing his helmet. He wore it 負かす／撃墜する to a beret. He was saved 存在 解任するd from the 旅団 by a fortunate 事故. While in a 熱烈な 激怒（する）, he stamped his foot on the ground. He was wearing rubber boots.
The 残り／休憩（する） must be imagined to be believed. His 膝 攻撃する，衝突する his chin; he fell 支援する to the ground with a dull tinkle; 割れ目d the skull. He was a tall 消防士. They buried him with his 靴下／だます. In 事例／患者 he needed it. He was buried on a ladder with 十分な 栄誉（を受ける）s. In between the time he knocked himself out and when he struck the ground, his depositions were taken by an 老年の reporter. He was a VERY tall 消防士.
"It is my opinion," said the 消防士, in passing, "that the 現在の 激しい blue serge uniform is not the 訂正する thing in which a gentleman should …に出席する a 解雇する／砲火／射撃. White 演習 with 熱帯の helmets should—"
It was about this time that he 衝突，墜落d to the ground. 証明するing that any tall person likely to 落ちる over should always carry a パラシュート（で降下する）.
But, about 解雇する／砲火／射撃s. Perhaps a little personal experience? A little 私的な pathos?
The dirty cow—HIM—(the Boss) said, "You're 解雇する／砲火／射撃d!"
急ぐd about the place 捜し出すing to be put out. Nobody game enough. I was too 井戸／弁護士席 lit up. Rang 解雇する／砲火／射撃 旅団. 負かす／撃墜する the stairs and flinging the 団体／死体 into the horse-気圧の谷. 劇の arrival of 解雇する／砲火／射撃 旅団.
Drenched 犠牲者 pointing to Boss, crying, "He 解雇する／砲火／射撃d me!" 靴下／だます on the Boss. Boss 溺死するd.
Good time was had by all.
What is home without a 解雇する／砲火／射撃. Every considerate married man should have a 消防士 in his home.
Half a million germs lurk on a 続けざまに猛撃する 公式文書，認める.
This has been discovered by a scientist. Probably he borrowed the 続けざまに猛撃する. This means 250,000 germs stroll about a ten-shilling-公式文書，認める, and 125,000 germs are waiting to pounce from five shillings—25,000 germs on a shilling! Heavens, do you realise what 危険，危なくする you live in?
Could any man with a 誘発する of humanity in his soul lend a man two （頭が）ひょいと動く, knowing that it carried with it 50,000 germs, mostly unclassified.
Every 国民 in this country who is in 所有／入手 of a 続けざまに猛撃する-公式文書，認める is a menace.
The 政府 has done its best. It has 税金d us 25,000 germs in every half million. It has 税金d us countless germs 毎年. But is it enough?
NO! (賞賛.)
It has come to our notice that a 井戸／弁護士席-known 身元 has been walking about our city, 反抗するing our 政府 and laughing in the 直面するs of the police, carrying a 続けざまに猛撃する-公式文書，認める in his left-手渡す pocket.
This man is a 運送／保菌者.
持つ／拘留する him!
Stop him!
解任する the 知事!
Do something. Hooray!
It's not a bit of use looking for gold if you don't know where it is.
People are pegging out （人命などを）奪う，主張するs all over the place when they would be better 雇うd pegging out the washing.
Gold is a metallic auriferous gold metal which is 設立する in large or small 選び出す／独身 lumps, or linked together as is in gold watch-chains, or invisible, such as 君主s.
Amateur prospectors must remember, however, that it is 違法な to peg out a （人命などを）奪う，主張する on a man's stomach just because he has a gold watch-chain.
Alluvial gold is 設立する in creek-beds, water-穴を開けるs, drain-麻薬を吸うs, and さまざまな other places. It is 設立する on mountains and in valleys, etcetera.
It is also not 設立する in many of the above places. That is the catch.
The best way to tell gold is to pass the nugget around a （人が）群がるd 妨げる／法廷，弁護士業, and ask them if it's gold.
If it comes 支援する, it's not gold.
"I've been readin' the paper, 法案, and I've got an idea."
"You don't say! 井戸／弁護士席, them newspapers must be improvin' outer sight. 'Ang out the 旗—little Jimmy's got an idear." "Listen to me. Work is as 不十分な in Sydney as the butter in a hot-dog."
"Too 権利, James. Too blooming true."
"Don't interrupt me, you igerant cow, or I'll take my singlet off you! As I was sayin' about this idea—you know the 'Lost and 設立する' column?"
"Yeah."
"井戸／弁護士席, look at the hundreds of things that are lost every day and 設立する by people who ain't lookin' for 'em. And the rewards! There's money just for the 選ぶing up!"
"Yes! I know—'Lost, small leather 捕らえる、獲得する, 含む／封じ込めるing 予定する and pencil, between Manly and Petersham. Finder keep 予定する, return 捕らえる、獲得する'—and rolls of 公式文書，認めるs. Now, I ask you, Jimmie, did you ever 'ear of anyone finding a roll of 公式文書，認めるs? No! of course you didn't. It's a damn 嘘（をつく）!"
"There's jewellery," 示唆するd Jimmy.
"Huh! 'Angin' 一連の会議、交渉／完成する waitin' for someone to 減少（する） their diamond tiara outer the tram."
"井戸／弁護士席, what about lost cats and dogs?"
"Look 'ere! If you think I'm goin' to spend me time crawlin' over roofs collecting cats, in the 'opes that one of 'ems lost—you're mistaken. My ruddy 誓い, you are!"
"Dogs," 発言／述べるd Jimmie. "Now here's one: 'Lost, white porneranium, 黒人／ボイコット ears, answers to 指名する of "Oozles." You'd sight that dog out of a million. A white pom. with 黒人／ボイコット ears!"
法案 walked to the window and draped himself over the sill.
"A 罰金 chance," he 発言／述べるd to the street, "a man's got 'Oozlin' every dog 'e sees with—Hoi! Blime!"
With a 急ぐ that knocked his friend off the 議長，司会を務める, 法案 had left the window, and was now clattering 負かす／撃墜する the stairs to the 前線 door.
Jimmy 選ぶd himself up, and gazed out the window.
"Struth!" he yelled, and dived for the door.
Outside, a white pomeranium with 黒人／ボイコット ears 匂いをかぐd disgustedly at a 白人指導者べったりの東洋人 肌 in the gutter.
"'Ead 'im orf!" gasped 法案.
Jimmy spat disgustedly over his shoulder: "Nobody mistook me for Nurmi before," he panted. "'Ead 'im orf yourself."
The dog, not having the incentive of an 緊急の need of cash, gave in, and 法案, first on the scene, gathered him up.
"That your dog?"
"Eh?" said 法案, turning to the constable who had 明らかに manifested himself from a 穴を開ける in the road.
"Course he's my dorg! I wouldn't be bustin' meself chasin' someone else's dorg. S'事柄 of fact, me and my mate (pointing to Jimmy, who had just 板材d up) were trainin' 'im. I tell y'constable (he dropped his 発言する／表明する to a whisper), first time we gives 'im a run at the tin 'are—be on 'im."
He moved off.
"Walk quick, you 襲う，襲って強奪する," said Jimmy fearfully. "They don't race pomeraniums after hares! You nearly cruelled it."
It was a long walk 支援する.
"井戸／弁護士席," said 法案, in the safety of their lodgings, "there 'e is."
"Yes," said Jimmy, gazing 負かす／撃墜する at the dog.
"Poor liddle Oozles. Here, Oozles, Oozles!"
"Oh, Blime! Oozles!" said 法案, "what a 指名する to give the poor little cow. No wonder 'es got 黒人／ボイコット ears. 'Ere, Stinker!"
The dog wearily wagged his bushy tail.
"There, y'are!" said 法案, triumphantly. "'E knows a proper dorg's 指名する when 'e 'ears it."
Jimmy was 熟考する／考慮するing the paper again.
"He belongs to 'Dilhurst,' Darlinghurst Road. We'll give him that frankfurt you was keeping for your tea, and then I'll take him along."
"Orright," said 法案, "I'll 餓死する."
Man and dog were gone an hour, when 法案, from his eyrie in the window, sighted them coming 支援する.
"Aw, strike me pink!" he muttered, 身を引くing himself from the window, "I knew 'e'd muck it up."
He sat on the bed, turning over in his mind a few pithy 発言／述べるs to be 配達するd to James.
The doot opened.
"`Ullo, brains! What the 'ell did you bring the dorg 支援する for? No wonder you can't get a 職業. You got about as much gumption as a 政治家，政治屋—"
"Shut up, 日光! Gaze on this an' apologise."
Two 続けざまに猛撃する 公式文書，認めるs were waving before his 注目する，もくろむs. His mouth opened.
"Now shut up!" said Jimmy. "I'll do all the talkin', same as I do all the thinkin'."
He seated himself on the bed, and 開始するd.
"I goes up to the house, a big flash 共同の it is, knocks at the door, and a tony old tart comes as soon as she hears I've got the dog. 'My little Oozlums,' she says. 'Diddums get losty wosty?' Fair make you vomit.
"She asks me a lot of questions, and I tells her 'ow I threw meself in 前線 of a 'bus just in time to save him, and she comes to light with a quid.
"井戸／弁護士席, I'm going out the gate, and there's a bloke waiting for me.
"'Did you bring that damn dog 支援する?' he says, real 猛烈な／残忍な.
"'Yes,' I says, 'an' I had a hard 職業 to fetch him.'
"'Lord!' he says, 'and I had a hell of a 職業 losing him.'
"He does his 封鎖する.
"'I don't want the rotten thing in the house,' he yaps. 'How much did my wife give you?'
"I tells him a quid.
"'井戸／弁護士席, look here,' he says, 'here's another quid. You hang about, and I'll 押し進める him out the door when she's not looking, and you lose him! See! Lose him!'"
"Yes," said 法案. "Go on."
"井戸／弁護士席, I waits, and sure enough, out comes Oozles—"
"Stinker," 修正するd 法案.
"And I pounces on him, and here we are."
With a 繁栄する, Jimmy pocketed a 続けざまに猛撃する and 手渡すd 法案 the other.
"井戸／弁護士席, what'll we do with the dorg?" said 法案.
"I got another idea," said James. "I'm goin' out now to buy him a chop and drink your health, William."
"I can't let you do everythink without 'elping you いつかs," said 法案. "I'll go with you."
Next morning, an excited 法案 was reading to his mate: "Lorst, a 価値のある white pomer—what's-its-指名する, with 黒人／ボイコット ears. 逸脱するd from 'Dilhurst,' Darlinghurst Road. Answers to 指名する of Oozles. Reward 3 続けざまに猛撃するs. Detainer 迫害するd."
Jimmy smiled indulgently at his friend.
"That was my other idea," he said calmly. "That's why I brought him 支援する. It's your turn to find him now."
法案 gazed at him.
"井戸／弁護士席, I won't say you're brainy; but for low cunning you'd （警官の）巡回区域，受持ち区域 a Maltese pawnbroker, Jimmy. I'm erstounded at you. I'll take Stinker up this afternoon."
"And after that we'll have to find another dog," said Jimmy. "This one'll be played out."
"You know, James, we could make a 商売／仕事 of this dorg-findin'. 'Lorst dorgs 回復するd—findings 遂行する／発効させるd with 最大の 派遣（する）'—an' all that. Work it up into a big 商売／仕事, an' sell out."
"I'll think it over," said Jimmy loftily. Late that afternoon, 法案 stood at the door of "Dilhurht."
"Yairs," 法案 was 説, "the young 'ooligans had 'im tied on the tram line, an' I was just in time to stop the tram."
"Did you give them in 告発（する），告訴（する）／料金?" asked the lady indignantly.
"Every bloomin' one of 'em, missus. Eleven there was—an' I 'ope for Stink—for Oozle's sake, they get six months each."
"Henry," she said, turning to a man who had appeared in the hallway, "this man has just brought my little Oozles 支援する."
"Oh! Has he?"
He （機の）カム to the door.
"Just wait a moment, and I'll bring you your reward," said the lady to 法案, and disappeared.
"Where did you find that rotten pampered mongrel?" whispered the man. "You せねばならない have more sense than to bring the thing 支援する here."
"But you lorst it!" said 法案, agape.
"Take it away! You 悪口を言う／悪態—yes, and I am very pleased indeed to see that there are still men 肉親，親類d enough to take care of a defenceless doggie-woggie."
"Give this to the man, and thank him nicely, Henry," said the lady from behind his 支援する.
Three 続けざまに猛撃するs changed 手渡すs, and disapappeared into 法案's pocket.
"井戸／弁護士席, I'll be goin'," said 法案.
"Stop!" hissed the man, gazing after his wife's 退却／保養地ing form.
"Here!"—A fiver!
"Here!"—the dog!
法案 took both.
"Take it to b—!"
"Bankstown?" 示唆するd 法案.
"Bourke!" blurted the man. "Get!"
法案 got.
Contentedly Oozles trotted と一緒に him 支援する to the 宿泊するing house.
Jim was there.
"襲う，襲って強奪する! 襲う，襲って強奪する! Oh what a large, empty blooming 襲う，襲って強奪する! What did you bring him 支援する for?"
"Gaze on this bunch," said 法案, 繁栄するing the 公式文書，認めるs, "an' go 負かす／撃墜する on yore bended 膝s an' weep 涙／ほころびs of 血!"
"Willie," said James 真面目に, "if that dog is seen with us, we'll get years in the cooler."
"Why?" said 法案, in amazement.
"You know that 警官，（賞などを）獲得する what saw us 選ぶ him up? 井戸／弁護士席, I seen him to-day and he buttons me. That old tart must have 通知するd all the police 駅／配置するs about that dog. He's 価値（がある） 続けざまに猛撃するs and 続けざまに猛撃するs! I didn't know how to get out of it, and I finishes up telling him the truth about us wanting to get the reward, and how we took him 支援する, and it ain't our fault if he's lost again. We're alright now, because he was a decent John; but if we're seen with that dog again—we'll finish up eatin' with a 木造の spoon!"
"Gaw!" exclaimed 法案.
"Did the bloke tell you to him away?"
"Yeah. To Bankstown."
"That's the ticket! You take him to Bankstown, and leave him. Go now— better 包む him up in a 小包 so no one'll see him."
The wrapping of a live dog in a newspaper is no 平易な 職業, nor is it any easier keeping him in the 小包 whilst going past policemen. 法案 drew a 抱擁する sigh of 救済 as the train bore him 支援する from Bankstown—dogless—and the two men spent a happy evening over several 瓶／封じ込めるs and a bed-十分な of fish and 半導体素子s.
It was therefore with feelings of 激しい horror that 法案 見解（をとる）d the spectacle of a dilapidated pomeranian dog wagging his tail on the mat next morning.
He called Jim, and pointed.
They looked at each other, and a telepathic 見通し of 刑務所，拘置所 独房s communicated itself to their minds.
"包む 'im again," said 法案 tersely. "It's your turn to lose 'im this time."
In silence they wrapped him. Jim took him away, and some かなりの time elapsed before he returned.
"Took him to Manly," he said, throwing his hat on the bed.
"Put yer 'at on again," said 法案.
"Why?"
"We're movin'."
"Why? What did she say?"
"'Oo?"
"The landlady."
"Nothink. She don't know we're going'."
"井戸／弁護士席, what—?"
"Do y'think," said 法案, getting annoyed, "we want to be 'ere when that damn dorg comes 支援する?"
"Strike me! No. Got all my things?"
"I got your singlet an' the shavin' soap."
"That's 権利, come on. Walk soft."
Many and さまざまな are the roads to success, and not all of them are 上りの／困難な, though the roads 負かす／撃墜する which one can toboggan are hard to find, and for the most part 私的な.
The methods of the successful 異なる.
There is the romantic method.
The humble workman marries the boss's daughter, after which the boss 落ちるs into the 機械／機構, and the hero is 始める，決める for life.
Then there is the man who rises to the occasion. This 一般に happens when the 地雷 is 洞穴ing in, and all the workmen except one 逃げる for their lives. The one left 持つ／拘留するs the 地雷 up with his 支援する until 援助 comes, and then 崩壊（する）s into the 武器 of the 地雷-owner, with the words, "I have done my best." The 地雷-owner may reply that he has seen it done better, but usually the man is 促進するd.
*
By far the best-advertised method, and one 高度に recommended by 非常に／多数の moral 定期刊行物s, is the "humble striver."
The idea of this method is that no 事柄 how lowly your 職業, 謙虚に 努力する／競う to be a past-master at it.
Which 解任するs the story of the gutter-掃海艇 in a far country, who decided to be the best gutter-掃海艇 in the world. For years he swept as no other man could sweep, until, one day, the Grand Hokum, going through the streets, passed the 発言／述べる: "My word, that gutter is clean! Who cleaned it?"
And the 副-Commissioner for Gutters replied: "Sire, I believe it was the slave, 法案 Smith."
And the Grand Hokum said: "Has he a cat?"
And the 長，指導者 Broom Stacker answered—
"Yea, sire, a beaut!"
"Then make him Lord 市長!" said the Grand Hokum, and passed on.
You see how the good and faithful 労働者 is rewarded!
*
Then again, there was the nut-screwer who worked in an automobile factory, and didn't even have a 指名する, but was called "Number 74."
All he did was to screw a nut on a steel plate when it was thrown at him.
And they were thrown at him at the 率 of twenty-five a minute.
You would think with so much spare time on his 手渡すs that the nut-screwer would get careless and discontented.
But not Number 74!
He 始める，決める out to be the best nut-screwer in the factory, and took steel plates home with him after his work was done, and got his wife to throw them at him, and he practised far into the night.
And as time went on, the foreman noticed him, and told the 長，指導者 foreman about It. And the 長，指導者 foreman told the sub-経営者／支配人 of the department, and so it went on until at last the 広大な／多数の／重要な Managing Director was brought to see the nimble nut-screwer at work.
"How long," he said to Number 74, "have you been screwing nuts?"
"Fifteen years, sir."
"You are a good nut-screwer?"
"I am the best nut-screwer in the world, sir."
And the 広大な／多数の／重要な man said "H'm!" and walked away.
And number 74 drew a 深い breath and shook 手渡すs with himself, and wondered if he would be made a director straight away, or if he would have to spend a short time as sub-経営者／支配人.
And later, the foreman （機の）カム to him, and said, "I have a message for you."
And Number 74 smiled.
"As you are the best nut-screwer in the world," said the foreman, "I am directed to tell you that you will be kept on the nut-screwing staff 無期限に／不明確に, 供給するd that you are of good 行為, and don't slacken off, or get sick, or cheeky, or anything like that."
And Number 74 said, "Thank you," very feebly, and fell on his spanner and died.
And they threw his useless 団体／死体 out of the way, and engaged another nut-screwer.
Which shows you that virtue is its own reward.
A good argument is like an 雪崩／（抗議などの）殺到. It starts easily, gathers 速度(を上げる） quickly, embraces everything in its downward 急襲する, bystanders, passers-by and casual loiterers, mows 負かす／撃墜する tempers, 儀礼 and morals; leaps and richochets from one point to another and finishes with a grand 衝突，墜落 which necessitates the calling of the 救急車 and the police.
That is a good argument.
But countless puerile discussions take place every day in which the 関係者s all keep their tempers 負かす／撃墜する and their coats on, and 一般に behave in a manner which is a 中傷する on the very 指名する of argument.
Of what earthly use is an argument if you don't lose your temper?
What is more 納得させるing than a punch on the nose? Nothing. Unless it's a rabbit-殺し屋 on the 支援する of the neck.
The 権利 and ability to argue is one of Nature's, greatest gifts to man, and should not be toyed with.
にもかかわらず the illustrious example 始める，決める by some of our public men in high places, there are still people 全く unable to expound a difference of opinion in the proper manner.
Can you think of anything more 奮起させるing than a member of the 法律を制定する 議会 calling his honorable 対抗者 a lying, 白人指導者べったりの東洋人-spined 政治家-cat, and 申し込む／申し出ing to bash his honorable 直面する in when he got the honorable blank outside?
Can you? You can! All 権利.
It is sickening to hear the despicable 策略 of low-grade arguers.
They will 申し込む／申し出 to bet you a 続けざまに猛撃する that you are wrong. "Money up, or shut up," is their 詠唱する.
If a 続けざまに猛撃する can 勝利，勝つ an argument, why are we not all stricken to dumb, awed, submissive silence, when passing the 連邦／共和国 Bank?
They drag in irrelevant 詳細（に述べる）s with the proud 空気／公表する of a tom-cat dropping a dead ネズミ on the breakfast-（米）棚上げする／（英）提議する.
"The milkman's brother said, and he せねばならない know—"
What the ジュース has the milkman's brother got to do with Kay's 解雇／（訴訟の）却下 from the Meat Board?
And the 支援 and filling.
"Didn't you say soandso and soandso a while ago!" you point out, triumphantly.
"Oo! I never said anything of the 肉親，親類d!
"I said—"
Argh!
Enough of these incompetents. I have a pleasant memory of two, 年輩の men, retired from the strenuous activities of life, who 定期的に met in Hyde Park to argue on the advantages and disadvantages of 連合. They kept it up for years.
Each day would find them there. Perhaps one, having thought of a 特に telling point in the night watches, would arrive 早期に and wait, ガス／煙ing with impatience, for the other. And so they 口論する人d on through the years, until one day, one of them, in the middle of a very heated passage, was stricken with apoplexy and succumbed.
The last words he said were:
"絶対の rot! You're a liar!"
The other old gentleman, after vainly trying to carry on the argument by talking to himself, 簡単に pined away.
The night he died there was a terrific 雷雨 and the 雷 and hailstones that flew about have left me 納得させるd that there is an after-life.
But the fact stands out.
It is personality that counts in an argument.
Facts, logic, 推論する／理由, eloquence, all have their place, but personality is the thing. Be eloquent if you can. Be 論理（学）の if your 味方する of the argument will stand it. You may even be reasonable to a 確かな extent. 明言する／公表する your facts, 運動 them home. If you run out of facts, invent some, and 運動 them home, too.
But, best of all, 発揮する your personality.
直面する your man. Look him in the 注目する，もくろむ. Take off your coat. Roll up your sleeves. Ask him, 堅固に, if he still thinks he is 権利.
If he puts his 直面する の近くに up to yours, glares at you, and says he's SURE he's 権利—let him have his way.
Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing; every man is する権利を与えるd to his own opinions; some people are not 価値（がある） arguing with, and, anyhow, the loss of one argument is neither here nor there.
Go to a 体育館 and learn the 原則s of 審議. Then try again.
Grafton, Friday.
Six feet two インチs long, and 重さを計るing 232 続けざまに猛撃するs, a groper pulled a 列／漕ぐ／騒動ing-boat with three men in it about the Clarence River, below Grafton, for 20 minutes before the fishermen were able to drag it の近くに enough to the boat to 安全な・保証する it with a piece of wire through its gills.
THEN there was the bait. A green prawn, 重さを計るing 180lb., 含むing sinker, was cast off the 激しく揺するs at Bondi and すぐに swam off, taking with it the fisherman, his two companions, and the 激しく揺するs.
衝突，墜落ing into the Malolo (which sank すぐに), the bait continued, until finally it was taken by a groper, which was first thought to be Tasmania.
Passing Africa, the three fishermen, who had been floating without an excuse between them on the 激しく揺するs for five days, decided to 運ぶ／漁獲高 in the line. The hook and sinker had gone.
The long swim 支援する to 社債! left them exhausted, and a kindly native 生き返らせるd them with a few rums.
最終的に they arrived home. And their wives said, "FISHING!"
And a few other things.
(Don't 行方不明になる our next 問題／発行する. Every 週末!)
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